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Is there such a thing as a child that cannot be helped?????????

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:49 AM
  • 18 Replies

It is starting to seem that way for my 15 yr old daughter. Even the psycologist told us that most of the issues we are having are just a part of her now and no type of meds will ever change it. He said MAYBE when or even IF she wants to change that she will learn to overcome.

I guess a little background is needed here..... sorry for the length, but honestly Im sure there is a ton missing. ;(

This situation is so screwed up and it seems no matter what I do it gets worse....   It really started about 16 years ago when I found out I was pregnant. I was young, but had all the best intentions. I met this guy, he seemed so great. He didn't care if I was preggo with another mans child, he had 2 small children of his own he was raising. We became a family. Long story short he slowly became an abusive ass that I came to hate.

During this time of my life my daughter was born. She had a bilateral cleft lip and palete. This made her early months very difficult between the feeding tubes and the trips to a larger city to have mulitple surgeries. THANK GOD I had my family close by. Especially my grandparents. They helped me so much, they loved her so very much.

Then the day came when I got a notice saying my state insurance would no longer cover the rest of my daughters surgeries. I was dumbfounded. What was I suppose to do?? On top of this I am married to a completely worthless human being... His two children were about 3 & 4 by now and totally wild. (thanks to their mother)  We wont even touch on some of the stuff that went on there...*sigh*

My grandparents came to me and offered to adopt my daughter. This would insure that she had the best medical care, that she would be able to attend the best schools....including college when the time came. Everything they had wanted for me before I went down the wrong path. Of course I said yes!! They were family taking care of family...or so I thought.

Then the papers were signed and surgeries were completed..... they took her and moved 10 hours away. I was hardly ever around her from this point on. Of course they had a million excuses as to why this was the best for everyone....blah blah blah......

Jump ahead a few years and I had managed to get away from the horrid husband with the evil children and start to rebuild my life. Still not good enough for them though.....

Jump ahead a couple more years and I meet the ONE. He was and is to this day the best thing that ever happened to me. My grandparents finally allowed my daughter to come live with us. She was 9.  Now is where the real trouble began....

Now I know without a doubt that my grandparents loved my daughter more than anything, no matter what they did they honestly believed it was in her best interest. HOWEVER they were getting up in years and ...well, basically they did everything for her. EV. RY. THING. Can you say "God complex???" This was my child.....

At 9yrs old she couldn't bathe herself, dress herself, brush her hair or teeth.... She was the absolute center of their world for 9 years and they treated her accordingly. She EXPECTED to be treated this way and would have complete meltdowns every time I tried to enforce anything.

My new hubby and I tried so hard to understand. She was taken from what she knew and, of course, needed and adjustment period. We believed without a shadow of a doubt that  she would see what living in a "healthy" environment was like and would slowly start to change.

That was 7 years ago. If anything she has gotten so much worse. She is an expert manipulator. Will do or say ANYTHING to get her way. She has NO REMORSE for anything she does and completely refuses to apologize for anthing...ever. She has starved herself and cut herself...all for attention.She has had to be commited to a psych ward and then lied to stay there, where she could do what she wanted and blame it on "mental instability"...where if she told them she was feeling sucidal or if she threw a fit they would just drug her.I cannot even come close to explaining some of the things we found in her room when we cleaned it out while she was in the hospital(Docs orders)

Scary scary stuff....I do not know this child. I cannot get through to her. I don't know what to do.

Currently she is staying with my Mother. We thought maybe a small town/small school would help her. She sees a psycologist and a counsler and is on meds that dont seem to do anything. She continues on the smae path she was on here...

Mom called today and told me she was starving herself again and is down to 120. She almost 6ft tall.

I just....... :'(

by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
APM090807
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 1:17 AM

BUMP!

Mishy2
by Michelle on Mar. 31, 2014 at 9:27 AM

hugs Aww hun I am so sorry you are going through this. Personally I think that you cannot help someone unless they want to be helped. If you are bringing her to a Psychologist and a Counselor and she is still acting like this, I am not really sure what else you can do, especially if she is refusing or resisting the help and the change. Know what I mean?

mjimaging
by Melissa on Mar. 31, 2014 at 9:56 AM
How sad. I don't know what I'd do. Sounds like your doing all you can. Hopefully she will see the light and decide she wants better. At this point she has to make the decision.
Chris030406
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 10:03 AM
What's her diagnosis? Do they think she has some attachment trauma? If they do, there's a good chance they're right.

I have a son who has been diagnosed with both Reactive Attachment Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Definitely not an easy thing! What I've learned is that attachment kids just don't care. And they love to prove you wrong, even if it means inflicting harm on themselves.
M0M0F3B0YS82
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 10:19 AM
That's what I was thinking as well

I am sorry you are going through this


Quoting Chris030406: What's her diagnosis? Do they think she has some attachment trauma? If they do, there's a good chance they're right.

I have a son who has been diagnosed with both Reactive Attachment Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Definitely not an easy thing! What I've learned is that attachment kids just don't care. And they love to prove you wrong, even if it means inflicting harm on themselves.
SisterCandice
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 10:21 AM

I'm Sorry but  cant help someone unless they want to be helped. What is wrong with her . Hopefully yall can find help

APM090807
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:38 PM
When she was in the hospital she was diagnosed with manic depression with psychotic tendencies.
I have also always believed that if someone doesn't want help or doesn't want to change you cant force it.
I have tried everything and the older she get the more terrified she will always be this way.
alc4evermom
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:23 PM
Sorry you are going through that. I find it interesting that you mentioned she goes where she can blame her actions on her "mental instability". A lot of adults do that and people buy into it, except those adults don't ask to be committed and they use it as an excuse to be assholes. With your daughter being so young, It's possible that she feels safe there. Perhaps she would do better in a facility that specializes in eating disorders, like Remuda.

big.city.mama
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:10 PM
Do you know much about her fathers family this could be inherited behavior
APM090807
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 4:19 PM
We thought so too and spent months looking for a place we thought would benifit her all around...not just for one specialized thing....which most places do.
The few places we found all told us that they couldn't help her. One said she was too unstable for their programs offered. Another refused her because they only accepted children ready to work towards getting better.
She freely admits, even though countless people have told her differently, that there is nothing wrong with her and she doesn't see a need to change.

This is slowly tearing our family apart. The worst part is that's about all that seems to make her content. She likes nothing more than to see people arguing about her. To know she can cause that chaos.
*sigh*
Sometimes it feels like this will drive me insane long before its ever resolved. :'(
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