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Let daughter in room during birth or no?

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:32 PM
  • 29 Replies
So mommies I've been thinking about delivery and zahara... When I had shaun Annastasia was in the hospital with us, granted she fell asleeo 19 mins before pushing and wokenup about 29 mins after. My wondering is with zahara being so attached to baby sissy Phoenix in my belly will she be confused afterwards if she isn't there with us around the time phoenix is born??? Should I have her there during and than shortly after have her go to stay with someone or what? Thoughts??? Experiences? It prob wouldn't be such a big deal but the hospital we'll be going to is an hour and a half away... So if we decide to have her with us someone would have to drive that long to cone grab her from us... Oh it may also be helpful to know my dd zahara will be four in September within ten days of my due date lol TIA darlings! ?
by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MentorMom1
by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:49 PM
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We had one hospital birth, a birthing room birth, and two homebirths, and only with the last one were the three older children in the room. It went fine. 

With our second baby we had a friend serve as a sibling coach for our preschooler. She was right there taking care of him while I was in labor. I almost didn't make it to the hospital and gave birth on the FLOOR! She was right behind us, and when the new little guy popped out, our 3-year-old was coming in the door.

With the third, our first daughter, we also had sibling coach for the two boys, who were 3 1/2 and almost 7. They played outside during my short labor, which lasted an hour. They came right in to meet the new baby, and were very happy with that. 

With the fourth, our second dd, the kids were a lot older: 5, 8, and almost 12. The 12 year-old took pictures. They did very well. I'm glad they were there. They loved their sissie and I was even lucky if they let me hold her! 

The thing is to prepare your DD in advance. Let her know why there will be blood, and why mommy will be making noises. Hopefully, all will go normally, but let her know that sometimes doctors decide that mommies needs extra help, etc.

If you have someone who can be dedicated to watching her and coaching her during the birth, I say it will be fine. Having someone she knows well-enough and trusts is important. But that person also has to be a mindful, focused and child-loving person. Don't ask someone who doesn't want to put their entire attention on Zahara necessarily, but just wants to watch you give birth. Because if Zahara decides she wants to leave the room, that person has to be perfectly OK with that, and not pressuring her to stay. They would be in charge of her snacks and taking her to the potty, bringing a special busy book and crayons - whatever. 

You can also invite the sibling coach to your house beforehand to make a "birthday" cake with Zahara. The cake is to celebrate the new baby, and after the birth, she can come back and help eat it with your family. It's a fun thing to do. 

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 3:55 PM

personally I wouldn't but then again that's me. I think a birth can be traumnatizing for a little girl.  It's not exactly a pretty sight ; there's a lot of blood, there can be vomitting involved, amniotic fluid spraying, screaming, pain, needles and well something could always go wrong too and then you really don't want your DD around, even if it's a minor event, this could be very scary for your daughter.

 

Raeann11
by Silver Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 5:32 PM

When I had my second we were going to have our first with us. But since we couldn't find a midwife. We had a hospital birth and they wouldn't allow her in. With our third we had a home birth and out girls 3 and 6 years old at the time were right beside the midwife as there sister was born. My second will talk every know and then how gross but cool she thought it was.

We watched home birthing videos. Talked about what they could see and will see. What could or couldn't happen. They also knew they had every right to choose if they wanted to be there or not.

KeepOnTryin
by Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 5:36 PM
I would be afraid that it might scare her to see her mother in pain. She seems awfully young to me. I don't know that she would really understand what was happening. Of course you know her better than I do, but that's just my opinion.
sdgd21
by Diana on Aug. 5, 2014 at 9:32 PM
That's what I was thinking

Quoting KeepOnTryin: I would be afraid that it might scare her to see her mother in pain. She seems awfully young to me. I don't know that she would really understand what was happening. Of course you know her better than I do, but that's just my opinion.
e-doolittle
by Kelly on Aug. 5, 2014 at 9:44 PM
This

Quoting KeepOnTryin: I would be afraid that it might scare her to see her mother in pain. She seems awfully young to me. I don't know that she would really understand what was happening. Of course you know her better than I do, but that's just my opinion.
jackiewal10
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

At her age, I would say definitely not.  She will have no issue adjusting to the baby being outside the tummy.  Kids have been doing that for hundreds of years. I agree that she will likely be more scared than anything and no one will be there for HER.  Plus, most hospitals don't allow it.  I know the two different hospitals I delivered at, siblings were only allowed when they had become siblings.  Meaning, after the baby was born.

mischele
by Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 10:06 PM
My oldest was there when my daughter was born. Then when my second son was born my daughter was in the room. When my second daughter was born my second son was in the room. We just went down the line lol
countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 10:28 PM

I went for two hospital births. Letting my son in the room was nothing I ever would have considered. Not saying I think it's wrong for others, it just wasn't anything we were interested in. 

exhaustedmother
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I didn't have any of my children present for any of their sibling births. I just don't think it is appropriate but that is my opinion. Only my husband was allowed to be present.

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