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Do you feel like your sex life is satisfying enough?

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:33 AM
  • 7 Replies

Stop Asking How Often Married Couples Should Have Sex

Adriana Velez 

couple in bed sex

What's the key to a long, happy marriage? Many couples will tell you it's sex. After all, it's the one thing you can to for each other as a couple that no one else can do for you. It's up there with communicating well. And as marital duties go, it's definitely more fun than balancing a checkbook or taking out the garbage. So how often should you be having sex? Once a week? Three or four times a week? Well, that's actually the wrong question.

It does look like the more often you have sex, the happier you are in general (well, as long as you feel like everyone is having sex less often than you are ... ). But how satisfied you are with your marriage is tied with how satisfied you are with your sex life. Each feeds the other. The better your relationship, the better your sex life, and the better your sex life, the better your relationship -- regardless of how many times a week you do it.

So ... are you satisfied with your sex life?

More from The Stir: 5 Down & Dirty Tricks to Spice Up Your Marriage

I love a mind-obliterating orgasm as much as the next gal, of course. But I think truly satisfying sex is about more than that -- it's about feeling connected. Plenty of couples have frequent sex, but if it's not satisfying to her, if she feels used or put-upon during sex, it's not really serving its purpose. Sex should bring us closer together.

How do you do that, when you're tired, busy, worn out? If you're having trouble communicating as a couple outside the bedroom, how do you manage to touch souls in the bedroom?

Well, I don't have all the answers. But maybe focusing on quality over quantity can take some of the pressure off. Sex experts have told me that not every lovemaking session has to be EPIC -- even quickies count. But they count best when you're both really into them, and you're both there to feel closer to each other.

Long time married couple Ron and Mavis Perola recently told the Pope and about 200 prelates about what has made them last 55 years. It was beautiful.

[It's] the little things we did for each other, the telephone calls and love notes, the way we planned our day around each other and the things we shared were outward expressions of our longing to be intimate with each other. 

I love that phrase "our longing to be intimate with each other." Sex isn't just about the physical fun; it's about intimacy, feeling close to each other, sharing something only you two can share.

Gradually we came to see that the only feature that distinguishes our sacramental relationship from that of any other good Christ-centered relationship is sexual intimacy and that marriage is a sexual sacrament with its fullest expression in sexual intercourse.

Amazing.

Having a satisfying sex life can feel like a luxury, sometimes. A luxury you may feel you can't afford, a luxury that gets bumped lower and lower on the priority list, especially when you have kids. But if anything, it should be at the top of your list. Creating a great sex life together is one of the most important things you can do with your husband. It's good to be reminded of that sometimes.

How do you feel about making sex a priority? Do you feel like your sex life is satisfying enough?

 

Image © iStock.com/Spanic


by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:33 AM
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Replies (1-7):
AmesCSki
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:41 AM
Not at the moment since I'm pregnant and not at all interested, plus my DH is gone on business travel like 90% of the time. But I will say we've usually had a really great see life, just right now some life circumstances are interfering! lol
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Frances0923
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 3:48 PM

I have a great sex life with BF. The first 2 years were amazing than last year (2013) we went through a dry spell because I was changing birthcontrols and other reasons (it was a bad year Lol) and this year its great! Lets see what happens next yr 

mna_823
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 5:31 PM

Sex is a priority in our relationship.  I love our sex life and love how it seems to bring DH and I closer.

mamatink7
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 7:26 PM

he made it real clear that we would have many issues if our relationship was soley based on sex. which it was fine then since i never really liked it but things are totally awesome and looove it. we have completely reconnected and are on the same page again as we are passionately TTCing. hes an OTR driver so hes gone 3-5wks at a time

Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:27 PM

With both of us working & having a 2 year old it's hard to find time to have sex. When we do it's great but I wish we could have it more often. Right now it's only about twice a month :(

mamacalifornia
by on Oct. 16, 2014 at 11:43 AM

We have a great sex life! We don't make it a priority it happens when it happens usually 3-4 times a week, we have been together 15yrs, married 12yrs.

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Oct. 16, 2014 at 3:43 PM
I'm happy with my and DH's sex life. Sometimes we're so tired that we go straight to sleep and that's okay with me! LOL
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