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feeling guilty...but having to take a step back

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 10:47 AM
  • 12 Replies

I am having to take a step back from my daughter.  Mentally I just dont know how much more I can take.  These last 6 months have been horrendous. I have been the "mother figure" since she was in kinder.  Before me it was my mother in law.  My mother in law has still always been a bog part so I guess you can say we "parented together" but thats another god awful story.  SD16 mom has never been a "mom".  Always in and out and officially out as of 3 years ago.  SD has been in and out of counseling.  She starts back up again. In the past year we have dealt with getting busted with stealing, drinking, I assume drugs, sleeping around, sneaking out, doesnt care at all about grades, pathological liar,,,even the smallest things, and wanting to leave because we are the worse people ever apparently. Not to mention the past 3 years have been such a struggle with grades.  She just down right doesnt care.

Sum up the last month.Well besides us checking her in a mental hospital (she had a melt down after a guy broke up with her) she has been sneaking guys in.  I caught one.  running down my stairs.  To this day she still will not admit he was there (apparently I am delusional  ).  He even came outside to apologize to me lol. Then shes back to not caring about school.  We had a breaking point and I told her fine.  Continue to go finish, drop out , get your GED but if you fail I am selling the car.  Currently failing 5 classes. But shes trying so hard we just dont understand (whatever).  Now yesterday.  Boyfriend broke up with her again and she wants to drop out of school and me home school her?  Hell no.  Currently she only has her phone at school so I can get ahold of her.  She works 3 hours a week.  Isn't allowed at home alone, Isn't allowed to watch my kids.  She says she is moving out and moving to Florida. Told her to have fun.  Ill help her plan it but she has to figure out how financially we are getting there.  She believes she can work the month before and shell save enough up.  I found when she got out the hospital she pretty much thought the whole thing was a joke and was bragging to all her friends.  Who does that?


There hasnt been a day in the past month I havnt cried because of her.  The stress at our house is so high.  I am scared for my marriage as I just do not know how much I can take.  I told DH I was stepping back.  He wasnt happy but I have two kids of my own to worry about.  I have done everything I can think of .  She is not willing to help herself.  I can only push so much.  She has been talking about dropping out and running away for awhile now. In Texas she can drop out at 17 (which shes almost there) and at 17 if they run away the cops will not make them come home. So I dont know what else or how else to help her at this point.  She is only happy when a guy is in her life.  Thats the only time she actually does school or talks about the navy or college.  The second that guy is out she doesnt get the point of life, and her life is so awful, and on and on. whenI found out about all the guys she has been sleeping with I told her she needed to have respect for herself.  She yelled that she does but sex is not important.  Basically implied its like saying hello. I know all above makes us seem like we dont parent.  But we do. She has just been such a strugle. 


 I might sound mean but I have dealt with this since 6th grade and it has only gotten worse.  I wish I could give her a reality check but the only one I know of is her being on her own.

by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 10:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
strictmomhere
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:06 PM
I don't blame you take a deep breath hugs I'm here if u want to talk PM me
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LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:31 PM
I'm so sorry I lived through the same crap with my sister, it's so hard and energy draining. Has she been checked for Bi-Polar disorder??? All you can do is take it one day at a time. It's difficult and never changes.
countrymomma81
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:39 PM

I'd be doing the same as you. Don't blame yourself. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, ya know?

mommyof3-2008
by Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:54 PM

No she hasnt.  She was checked into a mental hospital for depression.  She was there 5 days.  They put her on a bunch of medication with out the doctor even seeing her!  She was a zomie.  When we went to the 5 day visit I spoke with her "psychiatrist"  and asked her when/and how many times she met with her.  She told me it would be her first day.(day 5) so I asked why she was on all these meds if she hasnt been seen. "Thats just what we do".  So we took her out and have her set up with therapy.  She thinks everything is a joke and its just sad.

Quoting LuvHugs429: I'm so sorry I lived through the same crap with my sister, it's so hard and energy draining. Has she been checked for Bi-Polar disorder??? All you can do is take it one day at a time. It's difficult and never changes.


LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 2:13 PM
I would call someone on them. You can't just medicate without knowing someone. I would definitely ask to have her checked for Bi-Polar disorder. I know several people who developed it after using drugs.

Quoting mommyof3-2008:

No she hasnt.  She was checked into a mental hospital for depression.  She was there 5 days.  They put her on a bunch of medication with out the doctor even seeing her!  She was a zomie.  When we went to the 5 day visit I spoke with her "psychiatrist"  and asked her when/and how many times she met with her.  She told me it would be her first day.(day 5) so I asked why she was on all these meds if she hasnt been seen. "Thats just what we do".  So we took her out and have her set up with therapy.  She thinks everything is a joke and its just sad.

Quoting LuvHugs429: I'm so sorry I lived through the same crap with my sister, it's so hard and energy draining. Has she been checked for Bi-Polar disorder??? All you can do is take it one day at a time. It's difficult and never changes.

LissieRun
by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 2:22 PM
I saw somethings like that in dr Phil the girl had used ecstasy and it changed her brain.

Op I am so sorry I am going through similar (on a smaller scale) with my dd 16 is just hell for everyone. Especially when you want the best, my hugs to you momma


Quoting LuvHugs429: I would call someone on them. You can't just medicate without knowing someone. I would definitely ask to have her checked for Bi-Polar disorder. I know several people who developed it after using drugs.

Quoting mommyof3-2008:

No she hasnt.  She was checked into a mental hospital for depression.  She was there 5 days.  They put her on a bunch of medication with out the doctor even seeing her!  She was a zomie.  When we went to the 5 day visit I spoke with her "psychiatrist"  and asked her when/and how many times she met with her.  She told me it would be her first day.(day 5) so I asked why she was on all these meds if she hasnt been seen. "Thats just what we do".  So we took her out and have her set up with therapy.  She thinks everything is a joke and its just sad.

Quoting LuvHugs429: I'm so sorry I lived through the same crap with my sister, it's so hard and energy draining. Has she been checked for Bi-Polar disorder??? All you can do is take it one day at a time. It's difficult and never changes.

Jinxed8
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 4:19 PM

sometimes you don't have a choice but to back off ... I think you're being very logic with your way of thinking. There's only so much you can do for her short of putting a gun to her head  if she won't listen or accept your help. 

Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they come to their senses - sorry you have to deal with this and I genuinly hope everything turns out ok with her !

kyledavidsmom
by Tara on Mar. 30, 2016 at 7:55 PM
I agree I went through it with my brother.

Quoting LuvHugs429: I'm so sorry I lived through the same crap with my sister, it's so hard and energy draining. Has she been checked for Bi-Polar disorder??? All you can do is take it one day at a time. It's difficult and never changes.
MamaBearEH
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 10:09 PM

Sounds like you're making a wise choice.  I hope that she's able to bounce back & you find some relief.

Boogiefly
by Member on Mar. 31, 2016 at 7:41 AM

yep, she needs tough love or will be a diseased,drug whore or pregnant young. Let her see life in the real world. Stop helping.

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