Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Need advice husband unhappy

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2017 at 6:09 PM
  • 20 Replies
My husband says he is unhappy this came out of nowhere. He says he needs time. He says we have always been better friends then lovers it's been 20 years. He is currently talking to a girl they both say it's husband wants us to stay in the same house but just be friends and I'm having a really hard time with this. I need opinions please
by on Oct. 8, 2017 at 6:09 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Member on Oct. 8, 2017 at 6:47 PM
9 moms liked this
Yeah no way... if he wants to work on your relationship through counseling ok. But no way would we live together as "friends" while he "talks" to some other girl.
by Member on Oct. 8, 2017 at 7:07 PM
4 moms liked this
I'm really sorry. I'm not an advocate for divorce but I'd definitely make him leave. There would be no way on God's green earth he'd stay living with me and the kids while he goes and "talks" with another woman.

Here's what my opinion is:
It's been 20 years and you said it came out of no where. He wants to be with someone else. That's the only logical reason. He wants you around to help with the kids and house and stuff but he doesn't want to be exclusive to you. And if it doesn't work out with the other woman, he knows you'll be there at home to go back to and blow it off as nothing or a mid life crisis or something.

Again, I'm super sorry that you're having to go through this.
by New Member on Oct. 8, 2017 at 8:55 PM

Um he already started talking to someone else, that right there would make me think he is cheating on you and that is why it seems out of no where, because he's been hiding it. I'd ask to see the conversations. I'd tell him you will not tolerate him "talking" to someone else...maybe counseling if you really want to save the marriage. I"m sorry he's an asshole.

by New Member on Oct. 10, 2017 at 3:25 AM
Yeah that wouldn't fly with me. Id make him leave. :(
by on Oct. 10, 2017 at 3:32 AM

I think he's already cheating or thinking about cheating but he doesn't want to have to split the accests and the home etc. Tell him you are fine with being friends but he has to go and sell up everything. 

by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2017 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

yeah ... just no.  My ex-husband did that to me too in 2010.  Came out of nowhere and told me he wasn't happy anymore and he wanted us to separate but wanted to remain friends.  I found out later he had also been "talking" and spending time with a co-worker for 6 months.  He swore to me that he never slept with her until we were officially separated.  Whatever.

There is no such things as staying friends once a marriage breaks.  What your husband wants right now is the best of both worlds.  He wants to keep you at home with all those perks but basically have an affair on the side.  

Me and my XH remained on ok terms for a while but that was short lived he moved out quickly and I went on with my life quickly as well and when he saw he couldn't have his cake and eat it too, it got sour real quick.   Then earlier this year, he also separated from the girl that he left me for, with a toddler in tow.  He told me they'd remain friends even though they're separating but I also see that this was short lived.  She already unfriended my DD from FB and I believe un-friended him as well ... *snickers*  it never works !

That being said, I'm really sorry you're going through this but just in our mind, get ready to start your life over.  it may not be what you want to hear but that's my opinion as I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt. 

by on Oct. 10, 2017 at 1:58 PM
Counseling for both of you, ASAP.
by on Oct. 10, 2017 at 2:03 PM
Nope, I'd end it. He wants to keep you as a backup in case this girl doesn't want him. Also expects you to cook, clean, do everything he doesn't want to do.

I'm sorry he doesn't appreciate you.

You deserve much better.
by on Oct. 10, 2017 at 5:11 PM

Marriage is a partnership and being friends is one part of it. It might be wise to seek professional help at this time. If he refuses to go for marriage counseling, then go by yourself.You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

by on Oct. 10, 2017 at 5:57 PM

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I don't know all the details of your marriage and I don't by any means agree with his behavior or suggestions about living together as friends but I am an advocate for marriage and a believer in trying everything possible(within boundaries) to save a marriage before walking away. Do you think that him talking to this other girl could possibly be ‘blurring his vision' in terms of how he sees his relationship with you? A common issue in marriage is that people can simply grow apart BUT it can certainly be saved if you can identify the parts of it that need help. Maybe asking him what areas of your marriage he is unhappy with is a good start and possibly suggesting counselling or a marriage assessment program.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)