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Advice Please... Grieving after Miscarriage

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2017 at 6:13 PM
  • 6 Replies
In 2002, on November 17th, I lost my son at 19 weeks unexpectedly to miscarriage. I was young, healthy, we had just had our "20 week" ultrasound (the one that determines gender and all that good stuff and he was absolutely healthy and strong. Long story short, I began cramping and spotting (soon heavy bleeding) whilst out Christmas shopping with my soon to be sister in law. I subsequently lost the baby at the hospital and was discharged to return home to grieve. However, I never really did that, and I'm only recently realizing it when I get jealous or angry at other women's pregnancies (especially unwanted ones) and things of that nature. I went on to have four healthy pregnancies and children but still feel such a sense of loss and lack of closure as we didn't get to have our son cremated and have no real hard memories of him. My ex fiance (the father of the baby) had a difficult time dealing with it and offered me little emotional support (no fault of his own it is just he way he is) although my current spouse is very understanding and compassionate. My question is for those who have lost a pregnancy or infant or know someone who has; what are some ways I could remember my son permanently (I.e. a keepsake or memorlal of sorts)? I feel this is what is necessary to my finally grieving properly and obtaining closure althouht I know the loss will always exist, I feel I kind of skipped over this part and moved on withoit really ever finishing that chapter which is causing me all this built up resentment and grief etc. I didn't really have anyone to talk to at the time although I do since then and now I feel more okay with expressing my need to do this and remember him indtead of forgetting. Any ideas are really appreciated, lkke idk a piece of jewelry or something with his name idk. Ideas and thoughts please!!
by on Nov. 17, 2017 at 6:13 PM
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C.H.E.L.S.E.A
by Member on Nov. 17, 2017 at 10:36 PM
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First of all, I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. I have a molly bear for my daughter who was stillborn at 26w5d. They make bears for babies that died during pregnancy or in the first year of life. You can request two things that you want the bear to have that remind you of your baby. They also weight the bear so it weighs the same as your baby at birth (if you know it). A friend made a bear at build a bear in memory of her son. I've come across a lot of things on etsy or even just searching on google. Memorial jewelry, some of which can be customized with a name, birth date, footprints/handprints, or an ultrasound picture. There are candles, wall decor, picture frames, baby book specifically for babies that died during pregnancy, and figurines. I plan to buy a Christmas ornament with my daughter's name and will hang her stocking with the rest of ours. I also want to get a memorial tattoo and get a tattoo of my daughters footprints. I'm including a few pictures of things I've seen over the years and my daughter's bear.
B3autifulCha0s
by Member on Nov. 18, 2017 at 8:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I’ve had 3 losses. I have a Held Hour Whole Life necklace for each.


http://www.heldyourwholelife.com

Also, if you’re still struggling with it, I’d probably look into counseling. Whether at a church or through a clinic. It helps to be able to talk about it. There is also a group here on CM for loss.

http://mobile.cafemom.com/group/110162
Mom2Boys9501
by Sharon on Nov. 20, 2017 at 9:23 PM
I bought a little girl angel ornament for mine.
It sits out all year.
I lost a baby December 7,1999 and it still hurts on that day.
midjet117
by Member on Nov. 24, 2017 at 11:32 AM

I've never miscarried so I cannot truly understand how you feel. But as far as moving on and greiving the loss of your unborn child, I think maybe you should find yourself an in person support group. I think that would help you express your feelings and feel validated. 

kgbm13
by Member on Nov. 26, 2017 at 1:11 PM

I remember the day I lost our little into our ninth week... have a Christmas ornament I bought that year in memory.  I also have a neckless I wear from time to time in memory of that little.

andreaamy
by New Member on Dec. 6, 2017 at 5:30 PM

Dear, life and death is not in our control. I feel for your loss but I think you must consider your 4 children your priority. The way you are doing will make your children far from you due to o proper concentration. Please think about it. I wish you all the best. Take care of your husband child and your health. 

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