Introduction - Needing Support. (piog)
Hi - I have five kids. The oldest is my stepson, and he is 12. The next in line is a set of twin boys who will be 6 on November 2nd. Then we have two princesses, the oldest will be 4 on November 1st, and the baby will be 2 on March 8th.
I've always wanted to homeschool. I got the conviction to do it when I was pregnant with the twins. :)
We have always been suspicious of the problems that could be caused by vaccinations. We delayed, and at three the twins received their 'catch up' shots (as in everything they could get from not having shots in over a year). Within weeks, we had major behavior issues. They had always been great. No problems with their baby sister who was 1 at the time of the shots, no issues with each other. Nothing. Suddenly, they couldn't stand each other, their sister, me, daddy, big brother. They wanted nothing to do with anyone, and when they did, it wasn't nice. It calmed after a few months, and they became semi-normal again, with many occurances of not normal behavior. Over the years it has gotten worse.
Last year we sent them to preschool because we felt that with all of the issues we were having at home, we should let them be in a 'school setting' for a year, and then begin to homeschool. They did great in school. Their teacher loved them. She said they were so well behaved, and that they did a GREAT job helping pick up - NOT how they acted at home AT ALL.
At the beginning of this summer, they went to stay with their great-grandparents (my gparents). They do this regularly, usually twice a year at minimum. Just a few days after being there they both wanted to come home, one moreso than the other, but they both wanted to. It got to the point they were screaming and crying all the time because they wanted to be home. We went to get them a week early. After they got home, it became a nightmare. One of them is REALLY bad, the other is just bad. There is defiance in my house like I've never experienced before. My FIVE YEAR OLD swings at me. He throws things at me. He picks up tables and throws them. He tries to knock over the 55" TV. It's bad. The other just has a lot of screaming fits and makes really angry faces. There have been moments that he has thrown or done some of the other things I mentioned, but it doesn't happen often. With the other, it happens multiple times daily.
The last few days have been intense. Locking me out of the house, running out of the house when I'm trying to do dishes & taking off when I go to fetch them from the basketball court behind my house. (I'm overweight & I have a bad foot right now, so I couldn't catch them because I can only limp-run) There has been a lot of screaming and throwing of things.
It's so bad that yesterday I enrolled them in Kindergarten at the school down the street. This is NOT something I wanted to do. They do GREAT when we're doing school work. If we're doing something else, forget it. They can't control themselves or focus for anything if it's not schoolwork. I have two smaller children, so I can't focus on them fully with school work all day long without having to do other things as well. I also made a counseling appointment for Monday.
I'm really thinking that they have ODD, one moreso than the other, obviously.
I have been so torn apart the last few days. Wishing I wasn't a parent, wanting to take them to the QT safe place. I've asked God to take me back to before I met my husband so that I could just be a single person and not have this stress and anguish daily. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE MY KIDS SO MUCH! I just have no idea how to handle them. It's beyond anything I've ever imagined dealing with, and I'm at a loss of what to do. Public school is NOT what I want for them. I want to homeschool them. I do not want them in a failing system. But I don't feel like I have any other options at the moment. And all of my family & friends are giving me the 'I told you school was better for them' talk. Telling me that they will be 'a part of society' now, like they weren't before? We attend church, and they have A TON of friends. I'm not worried about their socialization, we do plenty of that. I'm not worried about them knowing how to do things the way they do in schools, we do a fairly normal schooling style. I am worried about my sanity, the safety of my kids if I lose my sanity, as I have been feeling like I am lately.
So, that's my life. :) I hope y'all don't think I'm crazy & that I'm a horrible parent for expressing how I have really been feeling lately. I hope this will truly be a place of support and love, as I haven't gotten it from my friends and family. (with the exception of two friends)