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I am just wondering if anyone ever feels guilty. That you dont do enough to help you child.  I have been feelin glike i dont do enough for my son. Although I take him to speech 2 times a week 35 min away. he has DT, OT also. But they were wanting him tohave ABA 20-40 hrs a week and i decided against it. I just thought that was an aweful lot for a small child and I want him to have time to be a kid. and also i feel like im going crazy remembering all the places we need to go. and up until last week i was working a 40 hr a week job. I also feel bad when im on the computer or watching tv and let him watch tv. he really like baby einsteins and he seem to talk more when he watches them. well I dont know what else to say right now i guess. I was just wondering if im the only who feels this way. 
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 6:46 PM
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janislovngodess
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 8:54 PM
yes. I feel like the worst mom in the world alll the time. even go to counselling for it. she (counsellor) says I'm lying to myself when I feel like I'm a bad mom. She asked me what my definition of a "good mom" was. I told her it was someone who "tries their best to do everything they can". We have to remember that we won't be able to do all this stuff for our kids if we don't keep ourselves healthy by taking breaks (watch tv, take a bath, go for a walk, post @CafeMom, etc.). I'm kinda glad to hear I'm not alone, too.

today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. ~rene

seawind
by Member on Jul. 25, 2007 at 9:45 PM
depending where on the scare your child isa I would choose ABA over any other therepy if I had to chose one.  ABA is such a good learning training that helps in all parts of life you might want to look into it alittle more and see what you can adjust to get the most out of your time.  Being a kid is so much better when your behaviors are under control.

Linda
MOmomof8
by on Jul. 26, 2007 at 12:47 AM
I think that because you are so worried about your son & doing all that stuff you still feel you aren't doing enough, makes you a great mom.  We do the best we can & pray for God to take care of the rest.   Don't worry so much, he will be just fine becuase of everything you do.

I felt quilty about one of my sons.  He is 21 now & doing great.  He does some really stupid things sometimes but he also takes care of fixing them himself.

You reminded me of something I had forgotten.  My son went for speech classes.  His teacher gave him books to read, even though he couldn't read.  He was 3 & she gave him a book & talked to him about what was happening on each page.  She then wrote it down & gave it to me.  We read his book every day & at bedtime.  He would have it memorized by his next appointment, so he could turn the page & "read" it to her.  These were some of our favorite times.  Thank you for reminding me.
Snu
by on Jul. 27, 2007 at 10:37 AM
Hi-  First of all, when you say "guilty mom"  you could just say "mom".  We all know the guilt is implied in the word "mom."   HaHa! Seriously, though, I want to comment on one thing:  the tv watching.  Maybe I'm just making myself feel better, but when my PDD-NOS daughter watches TV, I remind myself that kids with autism are very visual learners.  They get a lot out of watching TV, and especially love pausing and rewinding and watching particular scenes over and over again.  (Your son may be too young to do that now, but I bet he will.  It's very common in autistic kids.)
     For a period of time, when my daughter was 3 or so, she watched a lot of TV.  To be honest, I didn't know what to do with her.  She seemed so distant and seemed to be getting something out of the TV and videos. 
     Today, at 9 1/2, she is very high functioning.  She still loves TV, but that's not all she does.  Right now she is outside with her sister making water balloons, she loves to ride her scooter, read books, play with her toys, etc.
     As long as he does other things in addition to the TV, I wouldn't stress out about that. 
     Also, about ABA, I have heard good things about it.  It might be too soon to tell where your son is on the spectrum.   My daughter didn't talk much at 3, either, but talks now, although her verb tenses are off and she may struggle sometimes to find the right word.  (She might say, for example, "Where did you bought that?") 
     --Snu
Kerryt
by New Member on Jul. 27, 2007 at 11:22 AM
You said it! When my son was 3 and going to all the therapy I hated myself and life. You are tired, emotional and trying to help your kid.
The most important thing, is to get him into all the therapy you can while he is young. This is the most important time to re-wire his brain. It is hard but will make a difference in the long run.
I don't see how we can work with our kids. I have tried several times and I have quit several jobs and it takes a toll on your self esteem.
I am glad for you that you quit your job, it will make a difference. The TV thing gives them comfort. It is predictable in an unpredictable world. Let him have that, I know it is hard. Just don't let it get out of hand. Even though we don't know what that is with our kids!
My son learned a lot from TV. He learned how to talk even though it was echolalic (sp?). Anything helps. At least he was using his tongue and lips and forming words. He is a PDD-NOS 11 year old that is doing well.
Don't feel guilty, You are doing the best that you can in a situation that  no one else knows how to handle. Concentrate on the good times and punt in the bad. You are there for your kids and that is what counts. You are a good mom. I try to have my moments of guilt and move on.
dor3girl
by New Member on Jul. 27, 2007 at 11:41 AM
I think you ARE a good mom!  I don't know if I could keep up with 40 hour workweeks AND therapy--wow!  I agree with the other posters, too--I think you do the best you can & be thankful that your child will take a break to watch TV & seems to like it.  Especially if it is educational.

With my son (now 9) we encouraged whatever he happened to be interested in.  He really liked drawing for a while--I have binders & binders full of his drawings.  TV has a bad rap, but if they are only watching 2 hours a day or less, I wouldn't stress about it.
landensmom1984
by Member on Jul. 27, 2007 at 12:16 PM
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying. It helps me feel al ittle better. I just wanted to add that my sons speech therapist has been reading a book called "MORE THAN WORDS" and it is really great she has been copying it for me after she reads it. It talks about the diffirent way kids learn. like i have noticed that my son learns from tv better. and flash cards.That I guess is because he is very visual which i already knew. I could sit here for 3 days saying cup over and over again to teach him and he watches it on a baby einstein video and he gets it right away. I just dont understand it i guess i never will. but thank you
ksmomof4
by on Aug. 6, 2007 at 11:23 AM

I think that you are a great mom!!!!! I know how much you do for him and how hard you try. He is a great kid and he has a great mom:)

I also know how stressful therapy can be and it does take so much of  your time, but it is worth it in the end. Love ya..

Just happen to be the friend of the cute little door bell ringer:)



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