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HELP!! I need step-child advice.

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2007 at 1:19 PM
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So.. about 2 1/2 years ago my husband and I found out that he had a child who at the time was 13, she is now almost 16. I have always told him to do what he felt was right with her. I have tried to be a nuetrel as possible. FInally in the last couple of months he has decided that he wants to have a relationship wit her. He talks on the phone and they IM eachother, so they have a great line of communication going. He has decided that he wants her to start spending 2 weekends a month with us. Here the issue I have never really talked to her I've seen her a total of 5 times maybe but they were mostly at places were you didn't conversate alot. My husband says I'm rude to her because I don't talk to her. I have tried to explain to him that I just don't know what to say. I'm the type of person that likes to sit back and observe before I put myself into a situation. Thats probably why I don't have a lot of friends. Basically I'm shy until I get to know you, but I haven't had a chance to get to know her. He says I'm the adult and blah blah blah but I just don't know what to say. I need some advice about how to break the ice or if anyone has been in this situation how did you react and adapt?
by on Dec. 28, 2007 at 1:19 PM
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cremebrulee
by on Oct. 1, 2011 at 11:31 PM

Good for your husband for getting his daughter back in his life!!  Do you have any kids?

I had 3 SDs and I can relate to the whole not know how to deal with them thing. But, they had a mother that they wanted back in their dad's life and wanted nothing to do with me.  Thank God you don't have to deal with that.  But you are dealting with a little girl who never had her father growing up.  He will probably try to make up for lost time by being overly attentive and want to give her everything.

But, let her be with her dad and you guys should all go out and do some stuff together as a family. Such as Riding bikes, play board games.  Ask her if she needs help with her homework.  My SD's liked to help me cook in the kitchen.  Chopping away and  learning how to cook different meals.  Have her do things to make her and you feel like a family. Because.  you are.

Maybe have a girl day with her and get mani/s and pedi/s together. Maybe take her shopping at the mall.  Make her feel that your home is her home.  Let her decorate her room.

She is back in his life, so she is in your life.   I am sure she feels awkward as well. So try and make her feel comfortable.  Have fun. 

 

sassy21176
by Member on Oct. 2, 2011 at 5:42 PM

frist of all just invite his daughter to just go out to dinner make whole day of it... be sure that you tell her u waunt get too know her, i say way to go been willy to be there,,....

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