I definately am!!!!
My dad has been an alcoholic/addict since I was about 8. He left my mom, me & my siblings when I was 12, my parents divorced a month after my 14th birthday. He's never been clean and sober ever, and has never made any attempt at rehab. I spent the majority of my time between the ages of 13 1/2 and 18 spending every other weekend watching him use and in some cases deal drugs to people he really shouldn't have been (Most of them were kids a few years older than me). To make matters worse, while he was using he would abuse me and often times would give me alcohol to make me relax and therefore be more complacent to his demands. As an adult, I have had major issues with trust and relationships because of this.
Now I'm 41 and for the most part my contact with my dad is limited to once a year at Xmas: Partly my decision because I can't stand to be around him if he's drunk or high and partly his because he's still (All these years later) wrapped up in his addiction.
Well, the time is coming when the family is going to start pressuring me to make the annual visit to my dad's on Xmas Eve, and I'm just not sure I'm ready. Because of the secondhand exposure to Pot I've sustained over the years, I get really panicky, especially at this time of the year and the not knowing in what state to expect him makes it worse. I can gaurantee you it's a 99.999 percent chance he will be drunk before I even walk in the door. Last year, he got so loaded he was shaking, and me and my siblings and our kids (I have 1, my sister has 1) got ignored all night. But my siblings just blow it off like it's no big deal. That's because they didn't have to endure what I did, and therefore don't care what he does. In fact, they maintain regular contact with him, which I feel is totally codependant on their parts.
Okay, right now I'm somewhere in the mindset somewhere between my 8 year old self and my 13 1/2 year old self...I keep saying to myself I would gladly give up presents for the rest of my life if he'd just commit to go to rehab. But sadly, I know that it probably isn't going to happen and even if my 8-13 1/2 year old selves got their wish, the only person that can make him better is himself. He can't just go to please me or because he feels obligated to his kids. It's all just so sad...
Lisa
My dad has been an alcoholic/addict since I was about 8. He left my mom, me & my siblings when I was 12, my parents divorced a month after my 14th birthday. He's never been clean and sober ever, and has never made any attempt at rehab. I spent the majority of my time between the ages of 13 1/2 and 18 spending every other weekend watching him use and in some cases deal drugs to people he really shouldn't have been (Most of them were kids a few years older than me). To make matters worse, while he was using he would abuse me and often times would give me alcohol to make me relax and therefore be more complacent to his demands. As an adult, I have had major issues with trust and relationships because of this.
Now I'm 41 and for the most part my contact with my dad is limited to once a year at Xmas: Partly my decision because I can't stand to be around him if he's drunk or high and partly his because he's still (All these years later) wrapped up in his addiction.
Well, the time is coming when the family is going to start pressuring me to make the annual visit to my dad's on Xmas Eve, and I'm just not sure I'm ready. Because of the secondhand exposure to Pot I've sustained over the years, I get really panicky, especially at this time of the year and the not knowing in what state to expect him makes it worse. I can gaurantee you it's a 99.999 percent chance he will be drunk before I even walk in the door. Last year, he got so loaded he was shaking, and me and my siblings and our kids (I have 1, my sister has 1) got ignored all night. But my siblings just blow it off like it's no big deal. That's because they didn't have to endure what I did, and therefore don't care what he does. In fact, they maintain regular contact with him, which I feel is totally codependant on their parts.
Okay, right now I'm somewhere in the mindset somewhere between my 8 year old self and my 13 1/2 year old self...I keep saying to myself I would gladly give up presents for the rest of my life if he'd just commit to go to rehab. But sadly, I know that it probably isn't going to happen and even if my 8-13 1/2 year old selves got their wish, the only person that can make him better is himself. He can't just go to please me or because he feels obligated to his kids. It's all just so sad...
Lisa
Posted by
on Nov. 28, 2007 at 1:45 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Meet Kelseyciarah
This Virginia mom never wanted to get married or have kids - but now she's a happy a SAHM of two little ones!
Advertisement
My Story...if want to read
- lisaann1213
on Nov. 28, 2007 at 1:45 AM