Hi all, this is my story

[C.Dawn1972]

I joined this site because I too am a child of alcholic parents.

My parents split when I was about 8 and my older brother (not my dad's child) and I moved to Colorado w/my mom. She got involved w/another guy and had my younger brother when I was 9. She started out only drinking beer then over the years moved to pot and eventually coke. My younger brother's dad used to beat us up for just about everything and my mom used drugs to help her ignore it. Eventually my older brother was sent to live w/my grandparents out of state, so I got all of the beatings. My mom finally left after he split my head open. She met someone else who got her in deeper w/coke and eventually lost all of us kids. I moved back in w/my dad only to discover that he is an alcoholic also. I ended up marrying a drinker/drug addict and had my son (who I would not trade for the world). That relationship was very emotionally abusive and started to escalate so I took my son and left him last July. Just after x-mas (on my b-day actually) I recieved a call that my dad was in the hospital in critical condition. When I arrived in Maine 3 hours later he was on life support and I was told I needed to decide whether they would try to save him or let him go. I told them to give him a chance to fight and 3 weeks later he had recovered and was sent

home. Come to find out he was having violent delusions and drank windshield washer fluid. I have mixed feelings about my dad, and have decided I can no longer be 'nice' about things to him. I have recently started telling him exactly how his actions affect me.

My mom on the other hand is a different story. I didn't speak to her for almost 20years. I was very angry w/her for a long time, then just wanted to know if she was even alive. (we had no idea where she was and neither did anyone in her family) I got a call about 2 1/2 years ago from an aunt saying she had found my mom and was given her number. It took me about a week to get the courage to call her. I did though and am glad for it. She has be clean for many years and is taking responsibility for what my brothers and I had to endure because of her decisions. Don't get me wrong...I am not saying that this means I have forgiven her for these things or that I will ever forget them, but it is a very big step in accepting the past and being able to move forward w/my life and start a positive relationship with my mom for the future. I took my son on a trip to see her and was grateful to be able to put my arms around her again after so long and know that she was finally there for me again, (mind and body). We now talk on a regular basis and as hard as it is to believe, she is the only one of my sons grandparents I really want him to get to know.

We are doing well now, I do have my days though. But what I have learned from all of this is that I am stronger, I am patient and tolerant to a fault, and I can survive anything you throw at me. (by the way, my son is being evaluated the end of the month for autism, so patience and tolerance are very valuable traits for me) And my son has taught me how to find peace and hope in the little things in life.


Good luck to all of you and cherish the good things

[amypoe]

i am sorry for your how your childhood but you are a stronger person because of it. I dont know what i would have done if i didnt have my grandparents and i still talk to my mom but our relationship is damaged to say the least. i basically go around her so she can see her grandchild but she is never left alone with her even for a minute. i am glad your mom has cleaned up and you guys are working on your mother daughter relationship. i pray everyday that me and my mom could get to that point but i know we wont ever because she wont ever change. my mom says she is clean but i just have this feeling she is not and she still drinks. and if she is she never stays clean for long. so i am proud of you for being so strong.