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Oh my family could be on Jerry Springer, help
- 3 Comment(s)
- 27 Total Views
Ok this might be a long post, but I really need to vent and to vent you need to know my history of my family. My grandpa was an alcoholic, but cleaned up for thirty years with no help at all, my uncles were drug addicts or alcoholics, my mom is a alcoholic and drug addict. As far back as i can remember my family was just plain crazy. We would make a good soap opera or jerry springer episode or even maury povich show.
When i was six years old, i lived with my grandparents from infancy to eight years old, i had a ear infection and was given a choice either stay with my mom and stay home from school or go with grandma and go to doctor and go to school. well i chose school not because i didnt love my mom but because i loved school, go figure. well my mom was pissed. well she called the next day to talk to my grandma but grandma was busy and couldnt talk and i wanted to talk but she hung up on me no hi or bye or i love you. that hurt. i still remember to this day. Fast forward a couple years. i was living with my mom but went to flordia with my boyfriend, now hubby, and i was seventeen to, for a week and when i came back my mom had picked my sis up and moved to athens without so much as a goodbye. she came and talked later but not the point.(some drug guy after her). Fast forward a few more years my mom stayed with me and boyfriend, because we had surgery within a week of each other. before she left she stole half of my hubbys pain medication, my liquid tylenol three she stole and watered down and some jack daniels and watered it down. then on new years eve she stole my hubbys car and drove around town and when he gets it back he finds a crackpipe in it one week later. needless to say she not allowed at our house. she has stolen bout two thousand dollers, about three thousand in jewelry off of us or me and wonders why she not allowed in. she has drunk beer in my car without my knowledge and used my social security number and ran a bill up.
my uncle robbed a bank in his work uniform and no mask and spent ten years in jail. my cousin has had five children and has abandoned each of them. one was born addicted to drugs and one taken away because they found crack in the babys system from her breastmilk. one cousin was in prison for kidnapping his girlfriends dad, one held someone hostage. my uncle tried to kill my mom with two butcher knives and she had to stab him to save herself because he was drunk. my cousin threatend to kill her because of it.
well on the day my grandma died she took off after the funeral and did crack when i needed her the most and was hurting the most. now my sister was arrested tonight on a felony we have no idea of and cant think of what she could of done. my sister has never been in trouble with the law so we are thinking it is a mistake. and my mom yells at me for it and tells me i dont love my sister all because i refuse to get upset about it until i know more. there is nothing i can do for her so what the sense of getting upset. there is more on my family but it would take days of posts to fill you in.
now sometimes i look at my daughter and wonder how i can be a good mom when i dont really have a good role model. my grandparents were but they are gone now. what if i turn out to be like my mom? that is my biggest fear. how can i be a good mother, wife if i dont have any role model to go by except bad. will my daughter hate me as i hate my mom. i love my mom but she only mom by blood my real mom is dead. she died five years ago, my grandma. what makes me think i can do this. they say like mother like daughter. if that is the case then im doomed. i love my daughter more than life itself but will the bad genes win out. or is it that i will do good because of all that. my hubby thinks that we should tell my daughter about how grandma is when she gets older. do i do that. my biggest fear is turning out like my family. what did i do to deserve a family like this? why cant i have a normal family. not one whose family tries to kill each other. am i doomed to live the same lifesyle or is it changeable?
Posted February 11, 2007 at 2:58 AM 27 total views Report this post Comments:
Oh it's change-able !!! I would just look at it this way, You know what you wanted and needed as a child, rite ? Then remember that when raising your family. Remember what hurt, and what you wish you could have changed, use that as a guide of what NOT to do......
As for telling your little one about grandma, go for it !! If that is who influenced your life then by all means tell them, why should they not learn from the wisdom that you did !! I think in the long run it will make you and yours better people.........
JUST MY OPINION !!! 
My childhood & family was filled with drama too. My step-father was a physically & verbally abusive alcoholic & my mother was an enabler that took out all of her frustrations physically & verbally on my Brother & myself.
I am so terrified to repeat the cycle that I have not had an alcoholic drink since the wine that was used in the ceremony at my wedding almost 17 years ago. My husband although he also had an abusive father does not understand why I can't let loose & have a drink at home with him once in a while. I WILL NOT ever be under the influence of any substance again! I did stuff when I was a teen...before I got my head on straight.
I moved out of my parent's house & got myself declared emancipated at 16. I worked & finished high school & paid for my own college. I WILL break the cycle because it is the best way that I can rebel against my upbringing. I speak to my Mother & Brother once or twice a year at best & that's OK...I have all of the family that I need right here...my DH & my 2 wonderful sons!
If you really want to be a good Mom you can be. If you haven't seen someone to talk about your childhood, you should. It is also good for those times when you feel like you might slip into a bad pattern. I have almost lost it a few times...I put myself in time out. If you need to talk...I am usually on between 10pm - at least 1am.
You can do anything you want to! You can change it because you do have the knowledge of what not to do. You have the resources when you do run into problems. Never give up. There is always a way to change things and make them better. Don't worry have faith in yourself. I came from a emotionally abusive family. I'm an only child and from growing up like that I know what not to do to my kids. And I try very hard not to do that kind of stuff. Always be open with your kids and love them unconditionally. 1-3 of 3 comments1 Add A Comment 
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- amypoe
on Feb. 11, 2007 at 11:14 AM