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Where did I go Wrong?? :( I want to cry

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2008 at 5:01 AM
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My daughter is 3 years old. She has been enrolled in extra activities since she was 6 months old.  Gymboree Play twice a week, outings to the park, zoo and so on..She is now enrolled in Pre K at one of the best schools.. This is her 10th day of school and so far.. She has pushed another child, runs around the room, has a hard time taking a nap..and she just is not listening to the teacher .. Mind you it's not all day , but it is on occasion.. and I am aware of the fact that it is not abnormal behavior of a child who has no siblings her age...I just feel so frustrated and stressed out.. I want her to learn and have fun in school... She cant write her name and she cant write the alphabets.. She knows all her shapes, colors, numbers and so on... but we never worked on writing.. I feel as if i am such a bad mom at times when she misbehaves.. and its only at school.. when shes with me she listens.. I don't understand why she is behaving like this?

She cries almost  every day when i drop her off at school.. What am i doing wrong ? any suggestions on how to prevent this type of behavior in the future?  I want her to write her alphabets , make and have friends and be able to read is that too high of an expectation for a 35 month old? How can I help her and teach her how to play and sit besides other children to learn.. with out her thinking it's just play time?

by on Sep. 5, 2008 at 5:01 AM
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by Member on Sep. 5, 2008 at 10:46 PM

I hope the preschool isn't telling you she should be reading and writing by now.  Thats a high expectation of a 3 year old.  Mine knows all her shapes, colors, can count and recognize numbers and letters and knows her alphabet but doesn't read or write yet (and she's 3).  You are not a bad mom if she doesn't know how to do those things.  I don't think they even really teach any type of advanced reading or writing in preschool- especially to 3 year olds.  I think the most they do is "early reading" like storytimes, singing alphabet songs and so on.  I definately would not worry about the reading and writing.  Just keep reading to her at night, and when you play together you can start drawing things and do like an alphabet recognition.  But I would not start drilling her or anything.

As far as the misbehavior goes- just try to be consistant at home and try to have more structure maybe at home that mimics preschool?  That would be a good thing to read up on, or talk to your pediatrician on.  Just remember, all those outings she's gone on- you have been there with her.  This is her first time she is somewhere without you.  So naturally she is going to test the boundaries of her teachers and classmates etc.  I bet she is not the only one in her class doing this.  She just knows you aren't there to discipline her.  Talk to the teachers about what forms of discipline they use, and make sure they are consistant themselves and don't let her get away with whatever she wants.  We got a good outline of what kind of discipline the school uses for the children, and I like what our school has planned for that. 

Its still all new for her- so maybe give her a little time.  At this age she starts to understand you better when you talk about expectations and behavior- so talk to her about that too.  They have lots of empathy now, so if you tell them you'll be upset, lots of times that works.  It does on my dd- she doesn't like it when we are upset.  I would just love to somehow sit in on my dd's preschool class without her knowing just so I can see how she behaves sometimes.  The teachers tell us so far she's been great.  But once they get used to it, and get more comfortable I can see kids acting out more and testing their limits.  At that point its up to the teacher to be effective in their discipline and teaching skills to get the kids on track and to behave.  You can't be there with her in school, but you can help her out and talk to her at home about it.  Also- just be very excited for school when you talk about it.  My daughter loves it and never really had a chance to be nervous or not to like it- we always talked about it with so much excitement that she got so excited for it.  We'd tell her we want her to do what the teacher asks while mommy and daddy are not there etc. 

So, it'll take time.  Dd is in gymnastics and just started this year doing it by herself without us- we sit on the bleachers now and watch.  She does have some trouble listening and paying attention- she is very active and has a lot of energy and can't sit still for very long.  Thats why I am so curious to see how she behaves at preschool.  So yours probably jsut has a lot of energy and its hard for her to focus on one thing for too long at school.  Thats something you can practice too- like when we go out to eat, I just over and over have to tell her to sit and eat or else I'll take it away, or we practice having patience by playing a whole game of Memory or Candyland.  She's getting a little better at it- she now can play with something for almost 10 minutes rather than the 3 minutes she was doing just a few months ago.

Hope it helps a little.  You are not alone- I am sure half the class behaves in just the same way and the moms are asking the same questions.  Hang in there- I am sure it'll get better once she gets into a solid routine.

by New Member on Dec. 1, 2008 at 11:55 PM

could be way off base here, but my son's behavior started showing up around three, and come to find out, three years later, that he has food sensitivities that was making him hyper and inattentive etc.

by Member on Dec. 11, 2008 at 1:15 AM

No offense, but maybe you have her in too much! Maybe she just needs some at home time with Mom and Dad.

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