Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew (Print for Teacher)

Aug. 2, 2008 at 9:28 AM by MamaRita
posted to Parenting Children With Autism Spectrum Disorder

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Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

•1. I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily "autistic."

As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of.

•2. My sensory perceptions are distorted.

This means ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches of every day that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself.

•3. Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to).

It isn't that I don't listen to instructions. It's that I can't understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: *&^%$#@, Billy. #$%^&^%$&*.

•4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally.

It's very confusing when you say, "Hold your horses!" when what you really mean is "Please stop running." Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres, inference, metaphors, allusions, and sarcasm are usually lost on me.

•5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary.

It's hard for me to tell you what I need when I don't know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened, or confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express.

•6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented.

Please show me how to do something rather than telling me, and be prepared to show me many times; consistent repetition helps me learn. I'll need visual schedules, even when I'm older. Here's a good website: www.cesa7.k12.wi.us/sped/autism/structure/str11.htm

•7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do.

Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one way to do most things.

•8. Help me with social interactions.

It may look like I don't want to play with the other kids on the playground but sometimes it's just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you could encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, I might be delighted to be included. Also, I don't know how to read emotions of others, so if, for example, I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it's not that I think it's funny. It's that I don't know the proper response. Teach me to ask, "Are you okay?"

•9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns.

Meltdowns, flow-ups, tantrums, or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you and occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload.

•10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally.

Remember that it is happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you-I am worth it.

And finally, three words: Patience. Patience. Patience.

It may be true that I'm not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don't lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates, or pass judgment on other people? I probably won't be the next Michael Jordan. But with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.

They had autism, too.

So, be my advocate, be my friend, and we'll see just how far I can go.

Notbohm, E. (2005). Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew. Arlington, TX: Future

Horizons.

Written by MamaRita on Aug. 2, 2008 at 9:28 AM Send Message

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	by mom1205boy on Aug. 2, 2008 at 8:23 PM Wow! I loved that. Thanks so much for sharing!!! Myspace Glitter Graphics
	by cjsbmom on Aug. 2, 2008 at 9:17 PM I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to post this on my blog. It's great.
	by DeafnAutistic on Aug. 2, 2008 at 11:02 PM Thank you for this. I usually only get on this page when I am having a hard time. If I get on it when things are ok I start to concentrate too much on my son's autism and less on him. I had a bad day today. I know you are nothing but a computer screen but I feel like I am talking to someone. My son is deaf and autistic. He has the most beautiful smile and the most horrid scream. I have a 1 and a half year old daughter who my son loves, but too much. He hugs her a lot, but too hard and he presses his groin into her and I know it is because he just wants to give her a tight love squeeze but it is obviously inappropriate. I don't want to step on his attempts to show love but I don't know how to tell him to be more careful. I sign it, but he doesn't get it. I take his hands and use hand ove hand to give her a hug but as soon as I let go he squeezes her so tight. I am afraid that she isn't going to like him (which I know is a dumb comment because they play all of the time). I am a scaredy cat. I am afraid to go anywhere by myself because I don't want him to have a meltdown. If my daughter throws a fit and people look I could care less, screw them. But if my baby throws a fit and people look it breaks my heart. I decided to go to Costco today with my kids. I bought a soda to use as a distraction for both of them (Yeah i know, mother of the year right??) At any rate my son threw a massive fit because he didn't want to get into the shopping cart. I can't have him walk because he will run away from me or drop to the floor when I don't go the way he wants and he 55 pounds! I was so disheartened. My first real attempt to go somewhere with both of my kids by myself and I ran away. And now I am terrified to try again. I kept repeating to myself so many times today that I needed to be patient but afterI made the third lunch that he wouldn't eat or the 50th time I asked him to stop groping his sister, or the 10th activity or game I tried to play to have a good day I lost it. I screamed at him and I got up in his face. I know that was the worst thing to do but I couldn't take it anymore. Usually when i have days like this I go to my mom's or my sister's but they are out of town and my husband was at work. I feel like the worst mom in the world. He was so scared of me and at the time I didn't care, I just wanted him to get away from me. Thank you so much for the reminder that he did not chose to be this way and that he does not process information the same way we do (especially since he is deaf too.) I know God is supposed to be all knowing but I swear he made a mistake ... there's no way he really thought that I was strong enough to do this. I hope I don't screw up my son too much. I hope he knows that I love him ... I hope he loves me. Thank you for "listening" .
	by mrsbailey05 on Aug. 2, 2008 at 11:30 PM I just bought this book but for parents, to help my husband understand more, he has been deployed 20 months out of 30 of my sons life. Thanks for sharing!
	by AspieMommie on Aug. 3, 2008 at 12:19 AM Perfect....I'm printing out at least a dozen copies for teachers, friends and family members that just "don't get it"! Thanks Bunches!!!! AspieMommie in Tennessee
	by AisForAutism on Aug. 3, 2008 at 12:30 AM Hi gals...just a suggestion...might want to check with Ellen Notbohm, the author, before reproducing these sheets. She has requested permission to print this information and also to post this information via internet. http://www.ellennotbohm.com/ten_things_article.html My guess is she wouldn't have a problem, if you made sure you printed the book from which the information is taken. It's copywritten. You can email her via this site... http://www.ellennotbohm.com/ I notice it's noted at the bottom of the sheet. By the way, the book on its own is a good book to give to adults as a basic introduction to autism.
	by nvcountrygirl on Aug. 3, 2008 at 3:27 AM Thank you, thank you and thank you.....my son's school seems to be having a hard time understanding ANY of these things because my son is pretty high functioning. Then when he doesn't understand something they either blame me or get upset as to why he doesn't get it. I think EVERY teacher should HAVE to read this.....
	by MamaRita on Aug. 3, 2008 at 9:43 AM Quoting AisForAutism: Hi gals...just a suggestion...might want to check with Ellen Notbohm, the author, before reproducing these sheets. She has requested permission to print this information and also to post this information via internet. http://www.ellennotbohm.com/ten_things_article.html My guess is she wouldn't have a problem, if you made sure you printed the book from which the information is taken. It's copywritten. You can email her via this site... http://www.ellennotbohm.com/ I notice it's noted at the bottom of the sheet. By the way, the book on its own is a good book to give to adults as a basic introduction to autism. Thanks for the information, just letting everyone know, this article came from our Local Chapter for Autism. Our Chapter President has permission from Ellen Notbohm to send out any & all information from her. I agree with this poster, Great Book with Great Information. Notbohm, E. (2005). Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew. Arlington, TX: Future Horizons
	by Nebraskaoma on Aug. 3, 2008 at 9:54 AM thank you -- a reminder for even those of us that know. At my/our age, patience is not just a virture, it is an often "forgotten' skill. You and I have "spoken" before. Miss V is still with us - finally, it is legal and physical custody. Mydaugher's rights were not terminated; nor does she have any parental rights. The final order did not even address any visitation. In court, the judge said it was up to my husband and me if we let her see Miss V at all. Miss V will enter her first fulll year of special ed preschool in a few days. So far, our service team for the most part has worked together fantastically. When that changes .... they're gonna hear from me LOUDLY again .... I can do that. Blessings, *~Pat* Owner - AUTISM...Newcomers Club
	by andilaine on Aug. 3, 2008 at 2:38 PM Quoting DeafnAutistic: Thank you for this. I usually only get on this page when I am having a hard time. If I get on it when things are ok I start to concentrate too much on my son's autism and less on him. I had a bad day today. I know you are nothing but a computer screen but I feel like I am talking to someone. My son is deaf and autistic. He has the most beautiful smile and the most horrid scream. I have a 1 and a half year old daughter who my son loves, but too much. He hugs her a lot, but too hard and he presses his groin into her and I know it is because he just wants to give her a tight love squeeze but it is obviously inappropriate. I don't want to step on his attempts to show love but I don't know how to tell him to be more careful. I sign it, but he doesn't get it. I take his hands and use hand ove hand to give her a hug but as soon as I let go he squeezes her so tight. I am afraid that she isn't going to like him (which I know is a dumb comment because they play all of the time). I am a scaredy cat. I am afraid to go anywhere by myself because I don't want him to have a meltdown. If my daughter throws a fit and people look I could care less, screw them. But if my baby throws a fit and people look it breaks my heart. I decided to go to Costco today with my kids. I bought a soda to use as a distraction for both of them (Yeah i know, mother of the year right??) At any rate my son threw a massive fit because he didn't want to get into the shopping cart. I can't have him walk because he will run away from me or drop to the floor when I don't go the way he wants and he 55 pounds! I was so disheartened. My first real attempt to go somewhere with both of my kids by myself and I ran away. And now I am terrified to try again. I kept repeating to myself so many times today that I needed to be patient but afterI made the third lunch that he wouldn't eat or the 50th time I asked him to stop groping his sister, or the 10th activity or game I tried to play to have a good day I lost it. I screamed at him and I got up in his face. I know that was the worst thing to do but I couldn't take it anymore. Usually when i have days like this I go to my mom's or my sister's but they are out of town and my husband was at work. I feel like the worst mom in the world. He was so scared of me and at the time I didn't care, I just wanted him to get away from me. Thank you so much for the reminder that he did not chose to be this way and that he does not process information the same way we do (especially since he is deaf too.) I know God is supposed to be all knowing but I swear he made a mistake ... there's no way he really thought that I was strong enough to do this. I hope I don't screw up my son too much. I hope he knows that I love him ... I hope he loves me. Thank you for "listening" . I think you're being to hard on yourself. We all feel this way at some time. Feeling guilty is just a part of our nature. God did not make a mistake, you are strong enough to do this. andilaine