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Mother of 2 autistic sons, pregnant again..........

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:23 AM
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Hello All, I am a mother of 3.  An 18 year old daughter and two autistic sons. One who is 15 who is more severe, and one who is 13 and is less severe. All of whom are very sweet, loving, and very loved children. 

 The big news is that yesterday, I took an at home pregnancy test and found out that I am pregnant! I am feeling very conflicted. I 've been pouring over all the info. on the internet about what the odds are of having another autistic child. It seems that if the child is a boy then the odds are about 35%. I just don't know what to think or feel right now. This was a total shock as we were never planning on having any more children. And have been using birth control for the entire 13 years since our last one was born. If we had known that the first son was autistic we probably would not have had anymore after him, but the second one was already here before the first one started showing any signs. Now 13 years later, at almost 40 years old I'm faced with the difficult choice of bringing a child who we KNOW might have a significant disability into the world. I am a christian and have always believed that abortion is against Gods' wishes, but in this situation, I ask myslef, could it be different?

by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BlueCollarMama
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 10:14 AM

I have 5 my oldest two sons are on the spectrum, my youngest 3 are not, the youngest of which is a boy. Don't freak out mama, enjoy your pregnancy and congrats to you!

Polly
Proud Army Wife and WAHM of 5!

MommyJanice44
by Head Admin on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:10 AM

WOW on this one , Just Educate before you Vaccinate them , right after you have the baby they are giving them the hep b shots , just be careful . I do think that God is blessing you . Just as the other Mother said don't freak out .. Not sure how I would be able to take care of more then one . I don't no . You have your husband .. I don't have anyone , think of the beautiful life you have within ya .. Chances are he won't have autism . You will not ever no , that right there is what will get you honey .. Good luck . God Bless you ............ Much Love .  

SuzieQ88
by Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:17 AM

Thanks for responding, BlueCollarMamma. Your positivity is nice to see.

SuzieQ88
by Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:38 AM

Thanks MommyJanice44,

I too think it's the vaccinations. My oldest boy was totally normal up until he was 2 yrs old. He was counting up to 20, and would even count backwards when he would stand there and watch seconds on the microwave count down. He was singing old McDonald had a farm with us and patty-cake, patty-cake. We have it all on home video. It's so bittersweet to go back and watch them now. Because after he turned about 2 he just withdrew. He only wanted to sit by himself and stack blocks or some other individual activity while all my daycare kids were running around playing. His younger brother is a little more social, but is still delayed. I definitely won't allow those "immunization cocktails" with this one!

I also hope my age doesn't cause more problems for the baby. Having a child at 40 is a risk too.  It's all such a shock! We totally were not planning on having any more. I just got out of school and was getting my job search together and now I don't know if anybody will even hire me. I really need to work too! I was able to continue getting unemployment while in school because I was in a specific work rehabilitation program, but now that I've graduated, I don't know how much longer it will continue, and my husband's pay can't take care of everythjing. Lord, please show me the way!

Sally_Nada
by Member on Dec. 15, 2009 at 2:07 PM

 

Child 18, pregnancy test positive, at 41 I wasn't planning on having more children, been there done that..  We had three children already, my middle son has Fragile X and autism,  which greatly increases one's risk of passing it on, I am the carrier. We are now a family of FOUR.

You may want to consider having yourself tesedt just to rule Fragile X out, with two children with autism your GYN shoul offer you the option of being screened for Fragile X. It is very, VERY, important that they run the correct test, FMR1 DNA Test (also known as Southern Blot with PCR Analysis).  Test results should provide you with two CCG repeat counts (6-50 considered within the normal range).  If you've had testing for your sons done previously for Fragile X and they didn't provide you with there CGG repeat counts that is a good indication that they ran the wrong test (Chromosome Analysis, Microarray Analysis, Karotyping are NOT reliable in diagnosing Fragile X.)

Please let me know if you would like to touch base off of the public forum.

BIG Hug!  Sally

 

SuzieQ88
by Member on Dec. 15, 2009 at 6:47 PM


Quoting Sally_Nada:

 

Child 18, pregnancy test positive, at 41 I wasn't planning on having more children, been there done that..  We had three children already, my middle son has Fragile X and autism,  which greatly increases one's risk of passing it on, I am the carrier. We are now a family of FOUR.

You may want to consider having yourself tesedt just to rule Fragile X out, with two children with autism your GYN shoul offer you the option of being screened for Fragile X. It is very, VERY, important that they run the correct test, FMR1 DNA Test (also known as Southern Blot with PCR Analysis).  Test results should provide you with two CCG repeat counts (6-50 considered within the normal range).  If you've had testing for your sons done previously for Fragile X and they didn't provide you with there CGG repeat counts that is a good indication that they ran the wrong test (Chromosome Analysis, Microarray Analysis, Karotyping are NOT reliable in diagnosing Fragile X.)

Please let me know if you would like to touch base off of the public forum.

BIG Hug!  Sally

 

Sally, thank you for responding to my post, and for all of the great info. I will certainly ask for the Fragile X test. Am I the only one who needs to be tested, or should my husband be tested as well? When our first son was diagnosed, his neurologist did do chromosome testing and told us that there were no abnormalities there, but we were not told to get the Fragile X test. It would be good to know beforehand if the baby is going to have the same issues. We will be getting testing for Down Syndrome as well, beause of my age.

Thanks again, and hugs to you too! XXXXX

Christina0021
by Member on Dec. 16, 2009 at 11:32 AM

I am also the mother of two autistic boys, am a Christian and pregnant with our third child. I understand your fear right now but please remember that God knew about all of us and planned all of us before we were even born. He nit us together in our mother's womb. I personally feel that autism or not (as hard as it is to deal with it everyday) my kids bring more joy to my life than anything. My husband and I debated over having any more kids after our first two were diagnosed. We didn't want to at first but we prayed and talked about it more and felt that we dreamed of having three...so, why make decisions based out of fear? Now I am pregnant with our third. Yes, I am worried about our third having autism too but SO WHAT if it does?

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I don't care if you are 60 and finding out you are pregnant with your fourth and already have two with autism. It is a blessing (even if un-planned) I gaurentee that after you have this baby you will love it and not regret not having an abortion. If you have an abortion you are going against your faith, not trusting in God, and will regret it for the rest of your life! Just accept what you have been given, try to think positve, trust in the lord with all your heart, mind, and soul, you can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SuzieQ88
by Member on Dec. 16, 2009 at 1:00 PM


Quoting Christina0021:

I am also the mother of two autistic boys, am a Christian and pregnant with our third child. I understand your fear right now but please remember that God knew about all of us and planned all of us before we were even born. He nit us together in our mother's womb. I personally feel that autism or not (as hard as it is to deal with it everyday) my kids bring more joy to my life than anything. My husband and I debated over having any more kids after our first two were diagnosed. We didn't want to at first but we prayed and talked about it more and felt that we dreamed of having three...so, why make decisions based out of fear? Now I am pregnant with our third. Yes, I am worried about our third having autism too but SO WHAT if it does?

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I don't care if you are 60 and finding out you are pregnant with your fourth and already have two with autism. It is a blessing (even if un-planned) I gaurentee that after you have this baby you will love it and not regret not having an abortion. If you have an abortion you are going against your faith, not trusting in God, and will regret it for the rest of your life! Just accept what you have been given, try to think positve, trust in the lord with all your heart, mind, and soul, you can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 

In my heart I knew it was not the right thing to do.  Bottom line is that we do not have the right to terminate a life that God created because we think it will be too hard for us to deal with. I'm ashamed of even considering it. I asked myself the question " do I think that either of my autistic sons would rather they were not born as opposed to being born autistic" and the answer is definitely NO. They are both so fun-loving, caring, and smart in their own special ways, and I can't even imagine life without either of them, and wouldn't want to. I know God has a purpose for their lives and for this new baby's life as well, whether he or she be born with Autism, Down Syndrome, or anything else, it is in His hands. Of course we wish for the best for all of our children, and it hurts when you know your child will not be able to acheive certain things, will be singled out, and made fun of. But we have been given the strength to advocate for our sons this far, and will just continue to pray for even more and more in the future.

Thank you for your encouragement and I pray you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and a happy and healthy baby!

pregnant belly

bxmom2580
by on Dec. 16, 2009 at 5:13 PM

I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU B/C I HAVE 4 KIDS, 1 GIRL-TYPICAL AND 3 BOYS WITH AUTISM, WHEN I WAS PREGGO WITH MY LAST ONE, I WENT TO GET GENETIC TESTING B/C I DID NOT WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD WITH AUTISM, I WAS GOING TO HAVE AN ABORTION, ALL THE TESTS CAME OUT CLEAN, NEGATIVE, LOW AND BEHOLD, MY LAST SON WAS BORN, AND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM AT 15 MONTHS, NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER CHILD AGAIN, MY PLATE IS EXTREMELY FULL, BUT, IF YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL SUPPORT SYSTEM AROUND YOU, YOU CAN DO IT, CONGRATS, PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED

willmrcd1
by New Member on Dec. 16, 2009 at 5:41 PM

Well it's only human to worry and to feel like a baby at this time is not the right timing, but God definitely knows what you need.  He may not give us what we want, but he definitely knows what we need.  I believe that God is blessing you with another opportunity.  Yes, I would definitely get tested if that would put your mind more at ease and educate yourself as much as you can and find out all the programs that are available for your family.  But I also believe that praying and trusting the Lord with your current situation is the best thing to do.  Cast all your cares on Him, because He loves you.


I am 41years old and only have 1 son who is 16 and has Asperger's syndrome and other disabilities.  My husband and I at one time wanted more children, but I miscarried.  Then I discovered I had bipolar and well we both decided not to have anymore children.  Lord knows how complicated that would be for me right now and so I truly believe He closed my womb, because I have not been on birth control for 14 years. 

I pray that you will find peace and joy and know that children are a blessing from the Lord.  Mom ~ you were handpicked by God to receive such an awesome present.



A Touch of Peace http://tanyamerced.com

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