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do you ever feel like your not cut out for it?

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 9:24 PM
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i love my children more then anything in the world and i love being their mother and im constantly told im a wonderful mother and i know i really am. but lately things are really taking a toll on me, my 3 year old (ASD)  is pretty low functioning and understands little to no spech and uses no words at all. lately he is climbing things 24-7 (literally im pulling him down from something every 2 minutes because i could yell til im blue in the face and its like he doesnt even hear me, when ever given a drink he will walk around taking sips and then go hide and spit it all over the floor (needless to say our carpet is ruined) at night he takes off his pajamas and diaper and pees all over his bed (currently i put him in one piece pajamas backwards and tape his diaper and he still manages to get out of both some nights!) he has started hitting his brother who is 2 (who i believe is also on the spectrum) and on nights like tonight i just feel like this is how i will spend the rest of my life just running around preventing him from harming himself or others and that my other children will and do already suffer from the lack of care because so much of my time is just spent chasing my oldest

i have tried to "baby proof" every little thing in our house but he is always finding something he can climb or eat!

hes 3 1/2 now and im only 5'2 and 110lbs and im scared to death that by the time hes 10 i will no longer be able to care for him because hes already hitting me and its getting hard for me to physically carry him to his bed when hes throwing a tantrum and needs a time out or just needs to go to bed

i really dont know what to do anymore, im trying my best and i know i will continue to try my best everyday but i fear for our future as a family

anyone have ANY advice?

i should note that he is on a wavior and we do recive respite care and therapy and he is in a special needs preschool class already etc.





by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 9:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
stacigaddis1
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 10:00 PM

Oh Gosh I so know your pain. Im a little person as well and for the longest time the only thing that would soothe my son was to rock him in my arms for hours!!! I actually now have back problems and my chiropractor says my back x-rays look like Ive done construction for years lol. The worst thing I believe is just when my strength would give out, I just couldnt hold him any longer and when my arms failed me he would just hurt himself till I re picked him up. I would sit on the floor and cry in frustration and then finally find the strength to pick him back up. Life is better and if you visit my page and read my blog about how Im winning my son back from autism there are some things that hopefully may help you. My heart really goes out to you, I dont think anyone can understand this unless you've had a child with autism. Good luck :)

Tini
by New Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 10:06 PM

My son was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD in April, and it can be sooo hard and draining. I totally understand. Is your son in ABA therapy? My son has only been in ABA for two weeks, and I'm already seeing improvements (Many more than I ever saw in speech or OT).

Love and Peace, Kristina


Live, Love, Laugh, and Autism


http://livelovelaughandautism.blogspot.com/

Riosmommy
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:12 PM

thank  you ladies so much, i no longer feel alone!

he is not in ABA ive been looking for someone in my area though

AngelaPatton
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:59 PM
My son is 8 and quite high functioning and I still have to keep him from climbing everything! I didn't know it was possible to literally climb the walls until he turned 2! The ABA has worked wonders, but his impulsivity is very hard to control. He KNOWS he's not supposed to climb furniture, but it seems that part of his brain just doesn't turn on when he has the idea. He has gotten better through the years (from hurricane to tornado).
Hang in there and maybe have the OT show you some sensory processing exercises.
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destiny29
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 7:49 AM

     I think that the very fact that you are questioning your abilities shows that you are a good mom. ;) To answer your question about being cut out for this, yes and no. Unfortunately, with our kids there is no way of knowing what imporvements may or may not come, what types of behaviors will develop and go away, what they will learn or not learn. It's very much trial and error, endurance and stamina as far as parenting goes. I think it's very natural and expected in our situations to feel overwhelmed on a regular basis and wonder how much more we can take. So, that's the "no" part- no one is born a perfect parent with all the knowledge and skills needed for special needs. The yes part comes from faith. I believe that God had a plan in giving you this child and me the two children w/ autism that I have. I can not for the life of me, think of what God was thinking when he decided this but here we are and this is who we have. I sometimes think God knew I'd be bored without a challenge. ;) In all seriousness though, I think you are the best mother for these kids and you will surprise yourself how much strength and ability you do have. And, it may not seem like it right now, but eventually you will start to see all the gifts you've gained walking this different path with your child- courage, character, wisdom, integrity, honesty, creativity, and the ability to love when you aren't necessarily loved back. You will find that this little angel, through all the sleepless nights and hours of tears has made you a better person all the way around. You'll see, it'll happen- just hang in there! 

VisualThinker
by Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 7:50 AM

Your situation sounds similar to mine 12 years ago.   Our son was very wild and nonverbal at 3 and would have huge tantrums.  I am just about your size and always wondered how I would be able to handle him when he was bigger than me.  I am happy to say that he is now 15, has no tantrums and goes to an overnight special needs camp for 7 weeks.  This will be his 4th summer!   Our 4 year old typical girl is the harder one to handle now :)

We used lots of behavioral therapy with him, and he has never had to be on any medication.  If he eats a lot of wheat or dairy for lunch at school, I can notice a change in his behavior when he gets home.  Minimizing these in his diet helps a lot.  You might also want to have a behaviorist assess his situation and give you some ideas to try.

mimijackson
by Member on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:02 AM

I have been there.  Just know that your child can change soooo much in such a short time!  For us, it wasn't pee, but poop!  It was constant running, throwing himself off of things, making dangerous choices, ignoring/or not hearing us... I lost 25 lbs chasing him! And now?  I wrote a post dedicated to "Anyone feeling overwhelmed" last week, and you would not believe how much progress our son (and we) have made since then.  Hang in there.  It is soooo worth it, when you work through it.  The reward is greater than you know!

MommyJanice44
by Head Admin on Jun. 28, 2010 at 10:18 AM

 

Quoting destiny29:

     I think that the very fact that you are questioning your abilities shows that you are a good mom. ;) To answer your question about being cut out for this, yes and no. Unfortunately, with our kids there is no way of knowing what imporvements may or may not come, what types of behaviors will develop and go away, what they will learn or not learn. It's very much trial and error, endurance and stamina as far as parenting goes. I think it's very natural and expected in our situations to feel overwhelmed on a regular basis and wonder how much more we can take. So, that's the "no" part- no one is born a perfect parent with all the knowledge and skills needed for special needs. The yes part comes from faith. I believe that God had a plan in giving you this child and me the two children w/ autism that I have. I can not for the life of me, think of what God was thinking when he decided this but here we are and this is who we have. I sometimes think God knew I'd be bored without a challenge. ;) In all seriousness though, I think you are the best mother for these kids and you will surprise yourself how much strength and ability you do have. And, it may not seem like it right now, but eventually you will start to see all the gifts you've gained walking this different path with your child- courage, character, wisdom, integrity, honesty, creativity, and the ability to love when you aren't necessarily loved back. You will find that this little angel, through all the sleepless nights and hours of tears has made you a better person all the way around. You'll see, it'll happen- just hang in there! 

 It is the hardest job in the world what we do don't take it lightly you will see someday soon just as destiny said all the mirclue's that this little guy was meant to show you  . Maybe hard right now , honestly most of the time with theaphys' diets , he will be better , Big hugs I feel you .. Right there my self of 19 years of taking care of him  . My body is wore out . take care of you that is a huge must . take that time don't ever forget U ..

sakeenah35
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 11:36 AM

I know how you feel..it does take a toll on you. Its becoming hard on me too.huggingstay strong!

Riosmommy
by Member on Jun. 28, 2010 at 4:09 PM

I dont know how to thank you ladies!!!

im feeling a bit better today, we have our oldest that i talked about who is 3 1/2 then Milo is 2 1/2 and is also on the spectrum then we have a 3 month old and i guess im also trying to adjust to having a baby around again on top of chasing Rio all say long

im begining to rethink wanting a 4th child lol hubby is pretty set on a 4th and id hate to take that away from him but i think we will have to wait until our 3 month old is 2-3 to see if he has any special needs and decide from there

thank you all so much for your support it really means the world to me to hear that im not alone! that my child is not the only one like this... there are so many days i feel so alone and feel like NO ONE understands what my children are like nor do they understand that i cannot just change something and make them "normal"

thank you all so much :D

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