Son needs schedule and rigidity; I thrive on change

[TaraJanae]

I hope to get some advice or at least someone who feels the same way. My 6 year old is finally getting diagnosed with Aspergers. Before we were hoping it was just ADHD. I've heard plenty of times that it's best for him to have schedules and to know what he's doing when. Problem is, I'm TERRIBLE with sticking with schedules (and everything else for that matter) and I love change. Sameness bores me. No wonder I can't form habits. I thrive on change and shaking things up. I'll do my best to set schedules for DS but it's super hard for me.

Anyone else have this problem?

[nicksmom217]

   i am sorry, but, for asperger's child, he needs schedule and unfortunately, it is sameness, write things down and put it on fridge or your child wall, it will help him to know what to expect.  i know , it sounds boring, but it helps.

[AngelaPatton]

I have a degree in education and completely embraced the child centered, free choice curriculum taught at the time. I now have the two most rigid children on the planet. I completely sympathize. It's been really tough, but I've come to realize that the kids function better with routine and limited choices. I've also realized my kids at least are able to handle some change as long as they are in a good place.
Hang in there :)

[barnie2008]

 I'm having the same problem with my son, he's diagnosed PDD. Everyone keeps saying put him on a schedule, he kind of is but it's his own that he has just sort of adapted to. I feel for you, I  understand completely. Wish I had some advice!

[letstalk747]

nope 

[judithalaina]

I have this problem as well.  It is so hard and makes you feel like such a bad parent.  I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and my doctor thinks the right medicine will help me with this. I have tried 2 so far with no results I am hoping he is right though.  My kids and I have our own sort of schedule but not the typical schedule.  People can also be so critical of you, but they just do not understand how hard it can be,  Mine gets worse, because I love order in my house and my daughter loves chaos.  She loves to hoard things and make huge messes.  It is also the opposite of what I thrive in.  It is hard for me to function in the chaos.  I know how you feel.  I will let you know if my doctor finds a medicine that makes this all easier.  I will pray for you while I am praying for myself.  LOL.  You can do it.  It is a slow process for us though.  Do not give up hope or doubt your abilities.  It may take some time and be harder for you (and me) but we can do it.

[ConnieHammer]

I believe every child is given to us for a reason and an opportunity to grow in a different direction is one of them. Consider pushing your envelope and how a shift in the way you relate to the world might benefit you.

Caring for others means making adjustments and has nothing to do with disability. There is no pill - it is a matter of acceptance and adaptation.

Do you want to live these years doing what is best for yourself or your child? He or she will have to adapt to your world, so why not meet them halfway? 

[ROGUEM]

 Starting on a schedules was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I have three autistic children so I really had no choice.  I knew they were doing really well at school using the picture schedule, so I decided that would be a good place to start.

I made a shcedule for weekdays and weekends.  I started with only the highlights and then add more detail when needed.  Within a couple of days of starting it, I wanted to stop.  My personality is strong and I didn't want to follow anything...lol  But I promisd myself I would give it three weeks so I pushed on.  After one week, I could start to see the benefits of it.  They had memorized the schedule and they ended up telling me what was next and making sure we stayed on it...lol  I also think this method taught them how to tell time because I put the times on my schedules to give myself more boundaries.  They also had less meltdowns beause they were comforted by the rountine.

I would suggest anyone that is not into routines,  start with only the main points of the day and putting free time inbetween.  The free time slots will allow you to feel creative and free within a shedules.  If you see your children need more structure, then put drawing or tv or games in the free time slots.  I would give more than one choice as a why not to be so structured.

As my kids got older, they learned the schedule and then pretty much followed it on their own.  When we had to change it, we may have a couple of days that are a little off but then settled right back down.

Schedules is one of the things that seems worse than it really is.  After you get on it, it will seem like no big deal.  Just start simple and loosely structured and then become more detailed if your child needs it or if you find that you need more listed.  The first one will be a work in progress.  I would write down what you do everyday and then fine tune it.  Do this a couple of days before you post it for the kids to see.

Here is an example of my week day  afternoon schedule.  I had a weekday morning and a weekend one too.

3:00   Get home from school

Potty and Wash Hands

3:00-3:30  Have Snack

3:30-4:00   Play with Toys or Watch TV

4:00- 5:00  Homework, read, or draw

5:00-6:00  Play with Daddy

 

 

 

 

6:00-6:30  Eat Dinner

6:30-7:00  Take a bath

7:00-7:30  Read story and say prayers

7:30-7:45  Brush teeth and Potty

7:45-8:45   Lay in Bed and Watch Favorite Video

8:45 - 9:00  Get tucked in and go to sleep

[bkwrmem]

i have the same problem, schedules i have an issue sticking to. my 6 year old does great with them and i'm lucky he is in 1st grade and they stick to a schedule there for him so i have between 7-2:45 (Wednesdays 1:55) where i don't do schedules helps me stick to his at home.

[sammigrace]

My son has ADHD and has some autistic traits.  He thrives on a schedule.  He does really well with a picture schedule.  The schedule helps reduce anxiety which prevents melt downs.  If your son is like mine, you should be able to start with strick schedules and then train him to accept changes in the schedule.  The key with my son is showing him the change on the picture schedule.  I do not stick with printed out picture cards.  I sometimes draw a simple picture for our schedule or use just words (now that he can read).  I vary the schedule so that he does not get stuck on printed out picture cards.  Varying the type of schedule cards makes it easy to do a schedule anywhere because all you need is a piece of paper.  I do suggest that when you start training your son to accept changes in the schedule that those changes are very minor.  I would also suggest that you make the change something he enjoys.  I would choose a day that he is having a good day to make a change in the schedule.

Hope this helps!

KP

[bird3815]

Hi, I have a daughter who is  mild aspergers, was diagnosed later in her teen years (thank you pediatrician and teachers !!)  She   probably fared well up to that point because I am such a structured person and all my children had stucture and schedules.  (we didn't use pict or text schedule) Its just the way I operate.  I wonder If I wasn't such a scheduled person if she wouldnt have fared so well.  I always knew too if there was going to be a change in our day to inform her ahead of  time. (this week we will b going to the doctors on tuesday).  My daughter seems fine at home, but suffers anxiety in different situations and is literal which makes it hard.  She has a hard time seeingi others point of view -- which now as a teenager sucks!!  I can't understand this disorder, even though I know what the characteristics are!  I worry for her future going to college and holding down a job!  She is l6 now.