Hubby told his parents I would help take care of them without asking me(we hate each other)

[Unicorn1110]

      My in-laws have never acknowledged me or my son since about a yr after we got married. They never send birthday or Christmas cards. When they visit  TN they stay at his brothers (about a hr away) and he goes there and see them and takes them to dinner. Same if we go to NY. This all stems from lies that his daughter told and they believed her.My mom send his 4 kids birthday and Christmas cards. About 18 months ago his father was dx with Alzheimer's. She is having a hard time with him, the cost of living is cheaper here, winters are less harsh and his other brothers don't help them. So he and his other two brothers who live down here are trying to get them to move to this area. His brothers were here one day and they were discussing it and called their parents and he said that I would help take care of them as I was still unemployed after 3 yrs. That they could find a place near by or they could put up a house on my mom's property. His one brother is single and his other brother is getting ready to have 1st baby and they are in the  early 40's.

      I all ready help my mom due to her health issues and the fact that we live in her home. I also take care of my 83 yr old grandfather and my 19 yr autistic son who lives with us, 8 dogs and a huge garden that feeds the family in the summer. I don't have the time nor the inclination to help someone who is not even nice to me or my son. Plus my plate is pretty full. Besides the fact that he did not even ask me. Just assumed I would be thrilled to do it as he moved here to help with my mom and her property.

     After his family left I flat out told him I would not help under any circumstances. He says I am just being a bitch  and unforgiving. I said their his parents if he wants to do that without taking time away from us he's more than welcome to. He all ready is gone 50 hrs a week with work and traveling to and from work so I don't know where he will find the time. He is rebuilding a truck and takes care of this property. I guess he will just take the time from the stuff he does around here and that will be added to what I do. 

Needless to say tensions are very high. If we speak its very cold. Or we fight over the littlest thing. I know I am right but it is destroying our marriage. How to resolve? Can it be resolved? So  should I just let it happen and feel that I am being walked all over? or put my foot down and say strong about how I feel and don't allow it?

[Betsy5]

I am so sorry my inlaws are the same way toward me an my kids. My husband doesnt defend me his parents are mean to me. My husband is oldest of four im middle of three i have had both my brothers an parents livng with us. His siblings have also lived here too. His sister was murdered a few yrs back an since ive been working the case the relatioship with his parents has gotten worse. My kids see them once a yr an we live ten min from each other. His dad blames me for my son being autistic his mom hates me because i wouldnt let in any of my deliver rooms, i have four kids an one who passed away she blames me on his death due she wasnt allowed to see him. He was really early an had my severe heart problems. Top it off i had heart surgery she took vacation days to help with kids since my mom took a wk it was her wk she showed one day asked me to pay her for hr she was here had to leave to feed self, never returned so my husband got laid off so he could care for me, u had to go back in or that wk to have stuff fixed. I feel u on ur in laws, if it comes down to them needing help from mevan husband i already have decided will b separted

[crossnlilly]

I would tell him that my plate is full . Im unemployed to but it doesnt mean i dont work. You have enough to do. Honestly i went through the same thing when my dad got sick and my husband was like a second son to him. I mainly took care of him. My husband would help but i think when its your parents all parties are more comfortable with their own kids taking careof them