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am I in denial

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 4:01 AM
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Ok, I have a husband with aspergers and a 13yo with aspergers and a 5yo and 3yo with autism.  Plus my 2 year old has been diagnosed with autism as well.  I am having a problem accepting her diagnosis.  Especially since she has had 2 really good days. It seems I notice her talking more.  Some echolalia but not all.    Ususally she has kind of a crabby look to her but she has been smiling more, she makes good eye contact, has joint attention.  She does tend to gravitate to thing like spoons to play with and can do that or play with socks taking them in and out of the basket over and over.  Today she was at McDonalds and she went up to a complete stranger and handed them her shoes because she wanted them on.  She didn't play with any of the kids.  Kind of did her own thing but she did play with her brother.  However, she didn't get upset when he left her.  Just kept doing her thing.  She played peek a boo for the first time where she actually covered her face and said peek a boo.  Am I just in denial?  Is the stranger thing considered a red flag or considered a good thing or was she more using her as a tool?  These were great days for her.

Thanks

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 4:01 AM
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Replies (1-9):
WarriorMum
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:20 AM

First: OMG..how do you survive?! I thought I was bad with my hubby, son and my mother along with a few relatives with ASD. I tip my hat to you...

Ok..is your 13, 5,3 all boys by any chance? Therefore your 2 yr is the only girl? Some girls present differently than boys in my experience (involved with a group of 75 families) We find the girls have no discrimination what so ever in approaching complete strangers, they are more contented to sit alone etc..all of what you describe of your little one, in comparison to the boys who are more inclined to be 'in your face' with their behaviours.

My mom was not diagnosed until she was nearly 50 years old after my son was diagnosed. We always knew there was something a little different about her, just didn't know what.

How was she diagnosed , if I may ask, as she seems very young to be formally diagnosed in comparison to the UK where it can take till the age of 5+ for girls to be diagnosed. The reason why I ask is that children display behaviours that they learn. With all your other Aspies in the household, she may well have pick up, adapted and displays various forms of their behaviours. Only you know the answer to that...what do your instincts say?

My son is 18yr old now..for years we had good days and bad days..on the good days, I questioned the validity of the diagnosis regardless of the fact that I had come to terms with it. Then he would revert back to why he was diagnosed in the first place. Depending on how well I was coping with it all, it would either feel like  'slap across the back of the head' moment because I would forget that my son has Autism..he is who he is...
 In our house, we have our Autism days and our ordinary days...

Lydlou02
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:24 AM
Kids learn of lot of behavior from their older siblings, so it is possible for a child to exhibit many traits without being on the spectrum. At the same time, therapy isn't going to hurt her any. The new dsm has done awau with all dx other than autism, so the dx doesn't indicate her place on the spectrum.
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7blessings001
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:45 AM

In reference to my kids gender.  May Aspie is a boy, my 5 yo is a boy, and my 3yo is a girl.  I have thought of the imitation thing being a possibility but I can honestly say her behaviors are different than my others.  For example, my 3yo opens and shuts door all the time, my 5yo lines up cars.  Neither one of them have ever been fascinated with spoons, that has been her thing.  Her nursery worker at church says she doesn't get her to smile much at all.  She had my 2 other kids when they were little and they do smile.  She doesn't .  When someone smiles at her at a restaurant and waves and  she just stares back.  She is talking more now since I posted but I hear more and more repetitiive phrases.  I asked my hubby and he thinks she does have it and he is ok with it.  As one of you said.  The therapy certainly won't hurt her but I feeel like I am having to spread therapy thinly over all the kids since my insurance does not pay for them.


Stacy

7blessings001
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:45 AM

BUMP!

Jadnorton
by New Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:51 AM
Either way is possible. With my son we go weeks with near typical behavior then something new will arise and I am thankful for the therapies to help overcome the next challenges. My younger son is NT. He failed his m-chat (?sp) at the age of 2 but that's because he was copying brother. It's not unusual for parrall play at the age of two. Therapies won't hurt, and you can get another evaluation, but I would wait a year or so. You know so much more by 3.5 then you do at 2.
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Eve-marie
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:21 AM
2 is too young for a diagnosis. A 2-yr old is going to spend lots of time taking things out of a box and putting them back, all kids do it and it develops coordination of movement. Besides that, she will copy her older siblings to some extent. If she can be exposed to a play group of mainstream kids that would be a good thing. She can only develop as far as her environment allows, so broaden her horizons. And the repeating? That is how she learns. If by the time she is four, with exposure to other children, she is still showing signs of autism you should have her assessed then. Good luck, mama.
7blessings001
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:16 PM

We took her in because I have read that it is better to be diagnosed earlier than later.  They are doing diagnosing at 18 month olds now. They gave her an ados test specifiaclly for kids her age.  When compared to normal children you can definitely see that she is delayed.  She is exposed to many children.  She attends church 3 times a week, she attends our homeschool co-op for 3 hours a day, we go to the park 2-3 times a week.  So her horizons are as wide as they can be expected to be for her age short of putting her in daycare which I won't do.  She already has the diagnosis so the therapy won't hurt her.  So I guess I will just continue the road we are on. 

Yrez
by New Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:05 AM

My son was diagnosed at the age of (almost) four years old, and sometimes I regret that we didn't knew it earlier, because sometimes I wonder if we would have been further than we are right now (although I'm not sure it would have made any difference, because the waiting list for his treatment was much longer a year before he got diagnosed). On the other hand, when he was two or three years old, it would have been more difficult for us to accept or even believe the fact that he has autism. Right now, it's very clear that he actually has autism, but back than, the symptoms where so much more subtle, we just thought he had a language delay and just liked to play on his own. So I think it's really difficult, I think an early diagnosis is good because your child can benefit from the right treatment as early as possible, but for parents, I think it's harder because they can't "see" the autism yet.

I agree with you that the therapy won't hurt her, I think it's good to be on the safe side. Maybe it's better to let her have therapy that might turn out to be unnecessary, than not to let her have therapy and find out afterwards that she really needed it and that you have wasted valuable years.

I hope this message is clear, English is not my native language.

7blessings001
by Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 7:48 AM

your message was loud and clear.  Thank you

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