Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Husband doesn't feel DAN! doctor is "worth the money"... not trying to debate please!

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 12:58 PM
  • 10 Replies
  • 478 Total Views

    So my son is still going insane. The neurologist started him on Prozac and so far no change whatsoever. He's still hyper, he's still tantruming, he's still chewing his shirts, he's still twitching/ self stimming... the list could go on with my son's behaviors but I won't. My husband had a chance this weekend to see what I am dealing with and all we did was argue. He (my husband) keeps bringing up "Imagine if he was normal..." and I burst into tears and about bit his head off this morning when I couldn't take hearing that anymore. "I said he's not normal, he's not ever going to be normal, and when you say that stuff it just drives that nail in further!" I know what I said wasn't true. I know that there is an answer to some of these behaviors, we just haven't found the one that works with my son's chemistry yet. Autism never goes away but the symptoms can get better. I've read book after book of people living with autism. They're not all doctors and physicists, but they get better. It's just when we walk by the park on a Saturday and all the kids are playing baseball or when we try to go to church and all the other kids come out holding their Jesus crafts... it's just so much more obvious at that point how far away from a "normal" family we are. When he started his daydreaming this morning, I just couldn't hear it today. Then my husband starts describing to me what my son's problems are (as if I don't know). I listened quietly until he started blaming me for his behavior saying that I have allowed our son to become this way. I once again stressed a need to visit the DAN! doctor again, telling my husband how we needed to do some more testing to see if the yeast was back, etc. which could be contributing to my son's current issues with constipation, behavior, etc. My husband said he isn't going to pay another $700 for someone to give us colonics. He says there is a reason insurance doesn't cover this stuff and that I am wasting his money since he's the one working. I am unable to work at the moment because my sons both need me home for their therapies and such, my toddler just got his diagnosis after all. I have no family around, I get no respite, I have no one who can watch the kids and I'm not military anymoreso those benefits aren't available to me. I write this because I need to vent to someone who understands the frustrations of autism (thanks gang!) and because I need help convincing my husband that the DAN! doctor is still worth it. Thoughts? Please no debates on treatment methods, I'm so not up for that right now. 

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 12:58 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mamatware
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2009 at 1:40 PM

Are you in the biomed mammas group???  If not you may want to look into it, a lot of mom's there are doing biomed without a DAN! doc, and you can get your regular doc to order the blood work etc that a DAN! would order, and most of it is sent straight to you and the doc, and it's pretty easy to read and interpret on your own. 

melovetotravel
by Member on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:59 PM

I have so been there done that with regards to the stress and no respite and argueing with the husband........we are now divorced but for other reasons.......I know how you are feeling and the only thing that helped me was getting away from everything for even a few minutes....and I finally found a support group and my best friend there.....I know that our kids are not like the typical kids and never will be and I have looked at when I take my kid out as an education for others who see her....to see what a kid with special needs looks like, and it also helps my daughter get used to going out and she does so well now when we go out to dinner.......took alot of dinners out for her to settle down and stop the uncontrolable laughter ......she still laughs when I take her to the movies and just cant seem to stop unless there is a alot of singing during the movie....all the  dialog I guess she doesnt understand.......your child is going through a rough time right now and just know that it will get better....I do recomend marriage counseling for any couple with a special needs child to help handle all the extra stress and to help you both be on the same page when it comes your kids.....so many couples end up divorced because of it.......we are here for you so vent away sweety......Diane

widespreadpanic
by Co-Owner on Sep. 8, 2009 at 8:04 AM

I would contact generation rescue and find out about any help they can provide. They help families with grants etc to help pay for Bio-Med. is Prozac approved for kids now? I would try to go as natural as possible but that is my opinion.

destiny29
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2009 at 8:24 AM


Quoting widespreadpanic:

I would contact generation rescue and find out about any help they can provide. They help families with grants etc to help pay for Bio-Med. is Prozac approved for kids now? I would try to go as natural as possible but that is my opinion.

    No prozac isn't approved generally for children but the neurologist read some study by Dr. De Long where they found that 50% of the autistic children in the study who were put on prozac improved in their language and behavior. I'm calling today, the office was closed over Labor Day. No improvement, no sense keeping him on it. We're trying to get the hyperactivity under control. If Darrian could sit still for 5 minutes he's a very quick learner and he remembers everything, forever, like a video camera. He's been on the GFCF diet for two years and it has helped a little but honestly, not much. He did improve a bit when we got rid of some of the yeast in his system but that seemed only temporary. I really want to get the B vitamin and Magnesium shots because there has been a lot of scientific study proving the benefits of that lately, even to the hard core skeptics. I would love to try the hyperbaric therapy once or twice too to see what would happen, but money is an issue. I wish insurance would cover this stuff then my husband and I wouldn't be arguing over this. I will look into the generation rescue program, thank you for mentioning it. We've gotten to the end of regular medicine and well, not much of that has helped. The medical community has a very negative view of autism and they frankly, don't want to "bother" with us most of the time. It's not that I don't accept my son's autism or that it will be a lasting part of his life, I just believe we should turn over every stone to try and help him live the best life possible, ya know? The more independent he can be, the better and right now, with the way he's been bouncing off the walls, there's just no way he can learn anything. We have got to find a way to get him calmed down and once that happens, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this boy will just fly in his learning. He's very smart but socially inept. I'm also supposed to get paid something for this brain scan study they are doing on me so I def. plan on using some of that towards the costs but I really don't think it'll cover everything. Thanks again!  

CohenandIansMom
by Member on Sep. 8, 2009 at 8:25 AM

I would stop the prozac. I started biomeds on my own when we could not afford to go to a DAN. I read every book and researched online. Ask questions in the Biomed mamas group. When we finally got to a DAN he kept my son on everything I was doing, and added in only a few more things that made a world of difference. 2 years ago I had to worry about my son pooping in his pants, now I have to worry if he cusses, just like every other mom! As I was walking in the house with him the other day, he asked me what I was going to do when I got in. I am still teary eyed over it. He has never done that! Is your son in OT or speech? Don't worry about being normal, and ask your husband how normal he is blaming you? I'm sorry, but what a jerk. Here you are making a difference in your sons life, and he is on the sidelines ridiculing you. I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. It will pass! Start small, by checking into what you can find out online. Try the GFCF diet, if you aren't already. It is so hard to do everything your child needs, believe me, I know.  Your husband need to go to therapy so he can accept both of your kids for who they are. And next time he says this isn't normal, tell him it is for you. Don't compare yourself to others, no one is perfect, and it just takes the focus off of what you need to do.

MamaRita
by Group Owner on Sep. 8, 2009 at 8:32 AM

Just want you to know I am here for you anytime. We had a Family gathering (cookout) last night for Labor Day. Aden, my typical 6/yr old & Lane, my not typical 10/yr old grandsons was in the pool playing. I did notice how well they played together this time without Lane being to ruff with Aden. But I also so noticed how bad Lane was all over the place, stemming, snapping his fingers, jumping, not stop chatting, etc. Hyper would be an understatement. My heart goes out to each & everyone of you Mom's & Dad's. It's usually the Mom that is at home all day with the child, so the Dad doesn't always get a full dose of the 24/7 thing. I wish there was a miracle cure, but for now like all of you, we keep looking for ways to help our children over come some of these behavior's. Good Luck, Rita 

houstonmomof2
by on Sep. 8, 2009 at 8:43 AM

If he's constipated, you may have some diet issues that gf/cf doesn't go far enough helping - this was true with my son.  Take a lot at www.pecanbread.com and also look at the biomed mammas group as mentioned.  Good luck - it's not fun debating your dh about these things, I know. 

Snu
by Member on Sep. 8, 2009 at 8:46 AM

Hon, I feel for you.  You are going through so much right now.  I also tried Prozac for 6 weeks for my daughter when she was in 1st grade, and it was AWFUL, AWFUL..  she had no impulse control and actually left the school undetected and started walking home.  Thank goodness another mom driving to school saw her and she was stopped before she approached this awful intersection with no crossing guard.  (shudder..)

Re: DAN doctors, have you ever read storkdoc's journal re: DAN doctors?  It is pretty eye-opening.  I don't want to debate either, but there is some info there that is worth considering at the very least.  Sigh.. there are so many expensive treatments out there.  It's not the expense that concerns me the most, though: it's the validity of them.

myheartx4
by Member on Sep. 9, 2009 at 8:02 AM

Hi Destiny, I wish I could crawl through this screen and give you a hug!!

You husband is being an ass, and from years and years of my own experience, there is no telling someone something when they don't want to be convinced! Just stop arging back, sing a little song to yourself (I sing "this little light of mine".. whatever you can do to stop from arguing back, cos it is just a waste of your energy right now.

I don't know anything about Dans!, but I do know you are a great Momma, a fantastic advocate for your kids and you are a strong, powerful force in their lives. You can get your energy back, you don' t need your hubbys permission to continue your god-given mission. Yes it would be great to try all those things out, but right now, focus on what can realistically be done. Focus on what you can already afford. then continue to educate yourself about the extra things that seem like good options.

Destiny, I know it hurts to see the other children walking out of Sunday school with their Jesus crafts, but Jesus is watching you, and your little boy is one of his creations. whatever he is doing, is exactly what God made him, and he is PERFECT in his eyes. Hold on to that, you don't have to have all the answers yet.I know and God knows that you are the exact right Mommy for those little boys.

Hugs

destiny29
by Bronze Member on Sep. 9, 2009 at 1:18 PM


Quoting myheartx4:

Hi Destiny, I wish I could crawl through this screen and give you a hug!!

You husband is being an ass, and from years and years of my own experience, there is no telling someone something when they don't want to be convinced! Just stop arging back, sing a little song to yourself (I sing "this little light of mine".. whatever you can do to stop from arguing back, cos it is just a waste of your energy right now.

I don't know anything about Dans!, but I do know you are a great Momma, a fantastic advocate for your kids and you are a strong, powerful force in their lives. You can get your energy back, you don' t need your hubbys permission to continue your god-given mission. Yes it would be great to try all those things out, but right now, focus on what can realistically be done. Focus on what you can already afford. then continue to educate yourself about the extra things that seem like good options.

Destiny, I know it hurts to see the other children walking out of Sunday school with their Jesus crafts, but Jesus is watching you, and your little boy is one of his creations. whatever he is doing, is exactly what God made him, and he is PERFECT in his eyes. Hold on to that, you don't have to have all the answers yet.I know and God knows that you are the exact right Mommy for those little boys.

Hugs

     Thank you for writing that. It spoke volumes to my very weary spirit!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)