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Whoa! I just met you!

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:54 AM
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 I have recently met this woman..I have actually seen her in person 2 times. I have talked to her a few times on the phone and on Facebook. We met because my dh works with her boyfriend. They both are at least 7 years older then us they are in their 30's. When we actually hang out in person this woman complains , tells me about her between the sheets stuff, basically you name it she is not afraid to tell me that stuff. The problem is that I have only seen her face to face 2 times. This past weekend we went out with them and she complained the whole time. Walked around by herself I tried talking to her but it was the same thing over and over again. We tried to hint that they maybe should go somewhere else to eat dinner of course they didn't take the hint so we just bit the bullet because we did invite them over the day before. When they got to the house she just moped around and complained. She just acted like she couldn't stand me or something but they wanted to come over. I don't get it? She does talk about other people whom our so's work with and gossips badly about them. I have tried to politely change the conversations but she always turns it back to the complaining. I am not sure what to do! Of course dh and I already said that they will not be coming back to the house for a long time after that.  I get this allot when people tell me things that I don't want to know even if I say I don't need to hear that they will always try me...How can I get this problem resolved with out getting tacky and down to their level?

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:54 AM
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MrsManners
by Group Owner on Apr. 19, 2010 at 1:51 PM

Youch this is a tough one but you are on the right track!  It is unfortunate, but some people just don't want to be happy and not only do they not want to be happy, but they want to take everyone around them down too.  That sounds like the case with her.  The best thing you can do is to limit your conversations and continue to try and redirect.  If it persists and it really bothers you, simply tell her that you have made a major life decision and it is to not talk about other people while they aren't present.  Put it all on you, it's the truth after all, you don't want to talk about other people. I have actually used this myself, I have one of those faces that people I don't know will tell me things that are completely unsettling.  You know the kind of stuff you should leave for your BFF or Hubby.  I made the simple proclamation to my family and they for the most part respected it for a while, but then they started up again.

Hopefully she will take that hint, she should have enough respect for you to try and support your decisions.  It's one we all need to strive to be better about, we are trained that it's OK to gossip now.  My hope is that by you making it sound like it is your issue, that she will be positively influenced by it. 

Any time she complains try to counter with something positive, finding the silver lining if you will.  This elevates you out of the muck and if she truly just wants to be miserable, then she won't want to hang out with you because you are too positive.

Butterflytat01
by New Member on Apr. 20, 2010 at 10:46 AM

 

  Thank you very much! I was wondering if I was on the right track sounds like I am so far. I am trying the kill her with kindness approach but keep her at arms length.

MrsManners
by Group Owner on Apr. 20, 2010 at 12:51 PM

That is absolutely the best thing you can do I think.

Stacy712
by on May. 30, 2010 at 4:04 PM

Just be honest and tell her what you think about all of her so called complaining! Let her know you've had enough and  if she's got nothing else to better to do than complain about other people then clearly something in her own life isnt going right so instead of dealing with it like a real woman, shes complaining to you it seems like for the most part because her husband probly just nods his head or turns up the volume on the TV because secretly hes just as sick of her crap as you guys are. You sound like a sweet person, dont put up with her crap when you dont have too! You can do it! Best of luck to you I hope this helped some! I've had too deal with the exact same crapola too recently and now ever since I told'em off not only do i feel better because my headahes are gone, but i feel more capable of being able to stand up to people when I need too. Hope that made sense, anyway take care!

 

Stacy-

sdgd21
by on Jun. 1, 2010 at 9:26 AM
I think they are correct. I do have a question, I hope I am not coming of as rude. It sounds like she was showing you bits of her ture self, what made you want to continue the relationship? (sorry for any sp on my cell)
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Butterflytat01
by New Member on Jun. 16, 2010 at 10:56 AM

 

     I thought that things would get better people go through hard times and sometimes you can't always cut someone off immediately and never look back.  That is why I thought that maybe she would get better. Were also military wives so depends on what type of stuff is going on with dh's work training etc. Some men or women , families get really bad during training times or if they are new who knows.

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