How do your kids get along?

[Niki890]

I have 4 kids, the oldest has high-functioing autism. My others are not on the spectrum. I know they all love their older bro, but there are several times that we can't do things b/c of his "limitations". I mean, he does not do well in areas where there are alot of people & noise. We do not do or go to places that he is not comfortable being at b/c I don't feel it is fair to leave him out, & it is not fair to make him suffer at someplace that is meant to be fun. As my other kids are getting older (they are 9,7,6,&4) they are getting expressively upset about not doing things b/c of their bro. I am very proud & pleasantly suprised that my 7 y/o has been best friends with the same boy since they were 3 y/o that is Aspie. What I was wandering is, how do your kids get along? Do you have the same problem that is developing at my house? I don't want them to grow up resenting their bro for something that he can't help. We have & continue to remind them that he can't always control himself & can't help how he is. Do any of you have your "others" in a support group for siblings of children with autism? If so, do you feel it helps or makes any difference? I just want them to be happy & stay as close with their bro as they have been. I also have noticed that they get upset thinking that I spend more time with him, I honestly do not do this on purpose & haven't known that I do.

thanks,

Niki

[lizardmom]

I have two girls - 6 NT and 5 with autism.  My 5 year old has significant communication difficulties and so that makes their relationship tough to begin with.  I have to give my older daughter credit.  She really tries hard to be a good big sister.  Unfortunately, it can get difficult and I have seen some of the same trends developing in our household. 

There are a lot of places we cannot take Cara because of her limitations and her running.  One of our solutions has been for my husband to take Josie (NT) to places on her own so she doesn't miss out on so much.  Cara is so much happier to just stay home with me so that she doesn't feel left out.  Josie also spends a week or so in the summer with her grandmother and gets to do "normal" things then.

And we try to find activities that both girls can do and enjoy.  We are very blessed that the YMCA near us has an Autism Swim once a month.  Both girls love swimming and it is a special treat for both of them since we cannot afford a Y membership and these events are free.

There can be a lot of conflict at home because of Cara's inability to communicate or understand certain concepts.  They fight like regular siblings and, well, like a normal kid with an autistic sibling.  It can be a daily challenge to keep a balance.

When Josie talks about the difficulty of having an autistic sibling my response is to sympathize with her and to remind her that God gave us Cara as a special gift to take care of.  I try to help understand Cara's difficulties and her special qualities.  I am blessed that Josie is a very caring child with a very big heart.

My husband has often been worried about Cara being "left out" of activities if we take only Josie but I've pointed out to him that if Cara woudn't enjoy it then she isn't going to feel left out.  There are times when Cara would be happier being "left out" just because she needs the down time.

Liz H

[saltycoqui]

Even though both my kids have autism there are still problems. They like alot of the same things. But my son has more problems behaving in public than his older sister. So there are times, that I'll take one child some where and leave the other with Grandpa or another relative. It's also a good way to spend one on one time with my kids. Of course there are times when I have found myself just sitting at home while I know there is a family gathering, such as a wedding, and I'm the only one not there because all the potential babysitters are at the event. But I try to make up for it with other special trips. For example, I'll tell them that Saturday is Lex and Mommy day and Sunday is Dee and Mommy day. And if we go someplace like a museum, or just Mcdonalds, I usually bring back a souvenir. They've gotten used to this I think.

 

[mec63]

I have 2 children one son 16 y/o with Autism and 1 daughter 11 who is Aspie. My daughter use to get  frustrated a lot with her brother saying things like I hate my brother and I wish he wasn't Autistic. But as she gets older she has been getting along with him remarkable well in comparison to a year and a half ago.

[Dianne188]

I have a 6yo with severe autism and a 10 yo highh functioning child so I have a lot of conflicts the 10 yo likes to treat and talk to the 6 yo like a baby and the 6 yo hates the baby voice and cries and acts out! they really have no true interactions because 6 yo is very infantile! I feel frustrated and torn all the time

[momoffaith]

I have 2 with both with very different forms of autism and a step who is a norm whatever that is. First let me say your kids will work it out it just takes time. Which each age it brings different little test. I have learn to let everyone express their feelings but to also understand that it's a right and wrong way to express then. My oldest is on this kick that his little bro worries him to death to read everything for him since he can't read. I asked him well doesn't he do things for you?  Yes. Well what? I don't know. I said doesn't he clean your room sometimes for you, fix you lunch and so on. Well yes.  I really try to get them to think about just the small things that they may do for each. That is not to say they don't fight because they do it's normal.  Love will work it out .