Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Such a hard journey this is! What can I expect?

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:33 AM
  • 8 Replies
  • 446 Total Views

Hi! I am new to this group but have reading lots of the posts with so much admiration. I really empathize with how hard this journey is along the ADHD road. I have a 9 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety over this past year. I think I knew he had adhd back in preschool, but until things got really tough at school- we were getting by fine. So, we have been doing the medicaiton route-  for the past 5+months he has been taking stratterra and zoloft. He was doing pretty darn well, but the Stratterra didn't seem to be "holding" especially in school. We would see gains for a few weeks or so and then back to distracted and hard to focus and impulsive. So we just weaned off and are trying Focalin. I am sooo anxious- because I 'm not sure it is doing much and am appreciating what the Strattera was doing! It is just so hard making all these decisions for my son- I feel so overly responsibe and afraid I am screwing him and his brain up!  I also wonder how much to expect from the medicine??! If anyone can comment on this I'd love to hear- does the medicine take these hyper, impulsive, defiant children and make them.....what?? What is a reasonable expectation??

I

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:33 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
Proce3
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Once the right med is found, and that could take a while, it will only take you part of the way. The rest is up to you guys. Creative parenting is something I work on daily. So-called normal parenting strategies don't work so well with these kids. Think outside the box. There are a great many books that can help get your creative juices flowing, so I recommend a trip to the local library.

Med's help take the edge off just enough for self help, training & management to get started. I guess what I'm trying to say is there is no magic pill. For us maturity as it appears is the most noticeable improvement. Unfortunately, you have to wait for that to happen on it's own. Until then, hard work & consistency is golden.

Reasonable expectations is a moving target. Celebrate the little stuff & keep working on the challenges. Stay positive and your child will follow your lead. I never felt meds would screw up my kid. What I feared was having a screwed up kid without them. You will personally find strengths you never knew you had.

I am on a roller coaster ride from hell, but I am strapped in and ready for the ride.  :)

BLMoretti
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 9:08 AM

Well my son is a tough case... He has a background of trauma and neglect and Fetal alcohol syndrome. He is over the top impulsive and hyper, left handed and has learning disabilities.  On top of that he is very creative and has this hyper focus that gets him in trouble. Like one day he wanted to make a castanet so he found a pretty gift box and broke a whole box of pilot pencils to use a small part inside to make his castanet make noise,  Not rocks from the garden, not corn or beans, broken pilot pencils.  It was very creative...  I can't tell you how many things he has ruined making other useless things. ugh. Then there is this room trashing thing he does, he is not angry or even looking for something but he will go in a room and open every drawer and cupboard and scrabble through everything some times tossing things on the floor and leave it that way.  He really does this on cleaning day!  I think because everything is clean an put away.

Currently he takes concerta and intuniv, and melatonin with 5htp and theanine for sleep.  When he stays on his diet things are pretty good... Last Friday there was a winter carnival at his school... they had all these games and he won tons of lolly pops  Saturday was hell... Artificial dyes set him off and all day he was breaking rules he knows are rules and trashing rooms.....

He has FAS and a symptom of that is a swiss cheese memory,  I see that with the hyper focus, he knows he is not supposed to go in his brothers rooms and take things but...  When I see him doing things it is like he is surprised to find he is breaking a rule. 

So when the diet is followed, no dyes, msg or preservatives he is really great.  He has this personality and is very funny and loving, he can have a conversation and do his school work.  If I am angry and yelling things get worse, when I am calm and modeling how to have a relationship things are good.  Usually it is all about me and how I am dealing...

My son would be really off with out his meds.  For sure no school would keep him.  His brother in Russia has already been arrested several times.  I am hopeful for his future, even with his learning issues he is a really good driver and if we can get him to read well enough to get a license he can get a job!

B

That said when he sticks to his diet things are really good

Stephhop
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 9:45 AM

Thank you so much for your response! what books have you found helpful re. parenting?

 

Proce3
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 9:31 PM

The library should have a computer to do a search. Just type "Parenting a child with AHDH". Should give you 20 or 30 to choose from. Heck, just type ADHD. 1-2-3 Magic is something we use at our house. Been at it for 2 years now and it is the best approach we have found. Helps Mom & Dad keep their cool, while giving the kid-o 3 chances to make the right decision. Rarely get past 1 these days. Woo-Hoo!! Mine is 8-1/2 yrs old.

I don't take all of the advise in books, I take bits & pieces. Try everything and stick to anything that seems to work. It's kinda like med's...... what works on some kids, doesn't on others.

Also, for the munchkin, get "Some kids just can't sit still". Very well written and totally explains to the child what is going on. Explains that it's not their fault & everyone wants to help them succeed. I think my son read this book 100 times. Loved it!!

BLMoretti
by on Dec. 5, 2011 at 9:10 AM

With my son, the trauma in his background, I think, is a big part of his make up and I think he is pumping cortisol and constantly in a state of flight or fight.  Lots of his behavior I see as fear even though it looks silly or goofy.  I really like Beyond Consequences Logic and Control by heather Forbes.  Bryan Post has lots of U tube videos and a book called the Great Behavior Breakdown.  I love Alfie Kohn .  I really think that many of the adhd kids have experienced trauma, pre birth or in the first 3 years.  Our society does not look at how medical problems, divorce, or moms depression affects kids, even moving is really stressful and if baby gets passed around until things get settled, or a death in the family.  Even though some of those things are happening to mom it takes her away from the essential first 3 years. 

Anyway... I think it has a lot to do with calming the stressed brain and those are the books that help with that angle.

B


kaylaboobear
by on Dec. 5, 2011 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this

My children haven't been on any of those meds but I wanted to reply to a statement you made:

" I feel so overly responsibe and afraid I am screwing him and his brain up!"

Please take a moment and ask yourself a question - are you doing the best you can?  Are you doing your research and making decisions that are the best decisions you can make?   If your answer is "yes" to both of these question then please know that you are not screwing him up.

Let me explain.  I was born pigeon toed.  My mom and dad took me to the best doctors they could afford.  The treatment at the time was to put me in a brace from my hips to my feet.  I spent over a year in that brace and my parents spent a year in agony hoping and praying that it would work.  When the brace came off, not only was I still pigeon toed but now I was knock kneed as well.  You see, I had learned to walk in that brace and that had deformed my knees in.  My parents had understood the risk and made the best decision they could but there had been consequnces that were not known to the medical community at that time.

Fast forward 10 years and my mom is speaking to a guy who is in this new medical devleopment called "chiropractic".  Everyone is telling her that this is not medicine this is socery.  She took a look, spoke to a family friend who was in the business and decided that he could not "hurt" me.  He said - give me 10 minutes.  10 minutes later I walked out of the room and my feet went from completely toed in to a 50% improvement.  My knees still knocked but that began the day I started chiropractic and now as an adult I toe in a little but not much.  That being said - my knees will never be normal and will always knock.

Fast forward 20 more years and I have a "difficult" child.  I was talking to my mom and while I didn't always think her wise - she said one of the wisest things I ever remember.  She said - I have always taught you to do your best.  I did my best with you and you will do your best with your kids.  As long as you are "all in" and "do your best" then you never have anything to feel guilty about.  I did the best I could with the information when you were little and I did the best I could later.  Unfortunately, you are knock kneed and your child might be perfectly find or they might be royally screwed up.  The thing is - if you make the best decison for your at the time then guilt should never play into it.  My response - but what if my decision is wrong.  She said - hindsight is 20/20.

So please - if you are doing the best that you can with the information that you have - well - give yourself a break and know that no matter what happens - you are a good mom and you are doing just fine!

 

Stephhop
by on Dec. 10, 2011 at 10:25 AM

Thanks so much for your input. It was very helpful.

 

TeaSchmid
by on Dec. 12, 2011 at 8:00 PM

My son, who is 7 is on the stratterra too and I know what you mean about it not "holding". He is in the first grade and he is having so much trouble focusing at school. The dr added metadate in addition to the Stratterra and it only seemed to make things worse. I am thinking of looking in to some natural remedies. I, like you, don't know what else to do. The straterra is supposed to be a non-stimulant, but it has the opposite effect on my son. There are nights when he is up til 1am.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)