Stepson on medicine, father wishes he didnt have to take it but he needs it..
We all wish Our kids wont have to pop pills the rest of their lives especially given most medicines side effects but with me being an adhd kid growing up and having add still today i understand the need for Him to have his medicine not just cause it helps us handle him but mostly cause He can focus better, understand things more and not be confused all the time from rushing thoughts in your head. My fiance, his father, doesnt like the medicine, or any medicine for that matter. I think he's starting to get the idea that he does need it but i know that its going to be a problem again when the side effects of the medicine come back (lack of appetite, weightloss and he's already small/skinny). Ive tried telling him my past history and how much it helped me but he sees his son not hungry like he should be and says the medicine is stupid rediculous and hes taking him off of it but then when hes not on it hes super hard to handle with fit throwing and yelling and back talking and not listening to anyone for anything and getting bad grades at school cause he cant sit still and focus and then he wants to put him back on it but i know on and off medicines are not good especially with adhd medicines. how do i console him more to let him see this is ok for him to be on the medicine and he very well may grow out of the hyper activity like i did? is there any natural ways to get this effect without medicine? I feel for my step son but more for my fiance. a father wanting to do so much for his son but this is something we have little if any control over.
Wow are you in a tricky situation.
That being said - wow - you are one of the lucky ones who can both emphasize with the child AND be able to put those thoughts and feelings into words so that his father can understand. As a non-ADD parent that is so hard for me. I can empathize but my brain still says "just pay attention" or why can't the child just "get it done!" As a Type A(-/B+) personality, having children that don't get it is really hard for me.
BUT I grew up with diabetes in our family so I wasn't "opposed" to meds. My step mom was diabetic and my mom was clinically "depressed" so I have seen what meds can do and I support the RIGHT meds for the condition whether that be St. John's Wort or a prescribed anti-depresant.
That being said, it's so hard for a parent to see his/her child as "not normal". A man usually doesn't want his son to be "small" or "under weight" so not eating is really hard for men to handle. Go back in history - these were not the children who normally survived and thrived. It's a very "male" thing to want a strong male child who is healthy.
What I did with my "ex" was to ask him to set an "evaluation" period. We wrote down all the things that were happening now like back talk, attention to homework and school work etc. Then we started meds. In 10 days, 20 days and at the 30 day mark we evaluated what was better and added any things that we saw were not so good (lack of appetite ...) Then with the facts in front of him, he was able to "see" what was going on and also "remember" what had been going on. Funny thing was, once he "saw" the positives, he didn't mind the negatives as much and this was a man who was anti-medication due to personal issues with his mom and meds.
That being said ... you and your fiance need to remember that the meds "help" but the behaviours still have to be trained. Backtalk won't go away it will just be easier for your child to "catch" himself and stop when confronted with the behaviour. You and your fiancee will still need to train him and help him learn all the social skills that he may not have learned up to this point. You will also need to remember from your own experience that impulse control and emotional skills will probably take a bit longer to learn. That's where your history and empathy will really help.
So - good Luck!
Just a suggestion... have you all tried family counseling? When we first started our journey, my family was against meds and couldn't understand why I wanted to try meds... we went to counselling together and my DH and found ways to both be a part of behavior changes and discipline. It really helped us come together and BOTH be a part of DS's treatment.
Thank you all =) I think we are all going to do just fine now. he's opening up to it and well this post is rather old and my mind is elsewhere now that i just found out... IM PREGNANT WITH MY FIRST CHILD! =) we are super excited.
How long has it been since you really researched the meds. There are some new things. Have you heard about intuniv? One of my sons was able to get by on intuniv and Strattera and is now just on intuniv. Read a lot because Strattera takes 6 weeks for the full effect, and lots of moms, who are used the the 30 minute result, give up before it is working. Neither of these affect the appetite as much. In fact intuniv kind of helps add weight.
hmm i might look into that altho i cant get him to like the idea of him being on meds much less adding another one.. once he hears the possable side effects he freaks especially if it says rapid heartbeat extreme fatigue diarhea etc...
Due: December 7th, 2012. 
Listen up here smalltowngir22! 1st, this isn't your stepson YET, but you better pull your britches up and get some balls about you if you plan on marrying his dad b/c it won't get any...easier with this kid (what age is the kid?). It will only get ...worse. I've been thru it w/MY stepson and it will cause discontention(sp) with The Hubs IF YOU DON'T AGREE ON THIS PRE-MARRIAGE.
YOU need to do your homework, pull research reports on ADD, ADHD to PROVE it IS a physical thing....it's a chemical imbalance within the brain. I was SHOCKED when I did the research....to actually SEE the brain research done & this was many yrs ago w/MY son. It was suggested by his 6th grade teacher (major reasearcher on ADD, ADHD that my son WAS ADHD) She told me...do the research. After doing the research, realized I TOO was ADHD. Worked w/my son on it & he outgrew it. So did I.
The lack of focus, etc....all you've said above... experienced when I inherited a stepson & went thru HELL as his adoptive mom had him on Abilify, said he was also Bi-Polar. Autistic? Seriously?
Ask your F would he deny his son INSULIN were he a diabetic? Well GF, this is pretty much the same thing. Not LIFE threatening yet the Mental Long Term Effects can be ...devestating. And the emotional...like when they are called "dummies".
The side effects, loss of appetite, etc. from the meds...well...in my case(s), worth the transition. My Stepson was a Fatty, at 10, had "man boobs". Got him off the Abilify, He "manned up", slimmed up, had MORE energy, started working out. The Yelling, fighting back, BACK TALKING & all THOSE things you mentioned...stopped. HE's even told me some things about how he behaved...back then...some of his feelings. It was at HIS suggestion that we have him tested for ADD and it was HIS idea that he was ADHD. Had him tested, he was Rx'd with an ADHD med & the difference in him is UN...BE...LIEVABLE.
He has THANKED me since last year for helping him in this area.
He's a totally different young man.
Hope this helps. What I'VE been through...hope it helps someONE else. Best of luck to you, but SERIOUSLY...do the research and PROVE to your fiance that is IS a valid condition. And you're darn straight...you can NOT cut these meds off & on. WOULD YOU DO THIS WITH YOUR CHILD'S INSULIN AS A DIABETIC?
Would also STRONGLY suggest you ck out your Fiance's family health history...mental as well. Just saying.
Wish I had a way to get in touch with you 1/on/1. You're going to need...Back-Up.
Been there, done that, could help you... a lot.
Vyvanse side effects?
- smalltowngirl22
on Feb. 7, 2012 at 10:58 AM