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still pi$$ed at the school-its always something!

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 7:47 PM
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ive posted several times, my sons has been "recorded" at school via camera, been suspened 3 times now, is a frequent flier w the "safe seat" and "buddy room" and "time out room".. he has IEP-sees therapist, has mentor, takes meds, good home, but is not able to function well in school.  His DX was just changed to aspergers, instead of ADHD/ODD. what im mad about now is on Friday, my kiddo was in the time out room again, but no staff was able to tell me WHY.  he says he has no idea and didnt do anything, his teacher says she dont know, she wasnt there, his resource teacher has same story.  The Para who works w him sometimes, is apparently the one who took him there-but never comunicated ot anyone else why.  SHOULD THAT PARA HAVE TO TELL ME?  can they realy just stick my kid in some cement empty room to rage out without giving me some sort of paperwork on the incident, or verbal explaiation.. I dont know this para well-and if my son was SOOO OUT OF CONTROL idont think that his man should have been able to take my son to the "safe time out room" alone, and not explain anything to anyone.

I feel like the staff is "sick" of my son, and that the smallest thing he does can result in a drastic "behavioral management" move.  I feel liek i should just quit my job and follow my son at school just see what the hell is really goin on there. thier IEP accomodatins are apparently not working if he is in trouble that much. im soooooo irriatted.. im not sure anyone will understand my point im trying to make or if i have described it...

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 7:47 PM
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DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, they should communicate with you.  I very much understand that sense of frustration. 

And the staff probably is "sick" of your son, but most of them probably aren't taking it out on him.  They are human, they are going to have feelings, that doesn't mean they will act on those feelings.  They probably do take drastic measures with your son, however, because they have to play it safe.  By your own admission he's often very extreme in his behaviors.  They have a duty to protect the other children as well.  

Does your child have a specific behavior management plan as part of his IEP?  If not, insist on getting one.  Given his history, he would meet the qualifications for one.  If he already has one, then are they following it?  If so, then you really need to take a step back.  If not, then pursue the legal course of action required when they refuse.  

IEP accomodations cannot make your child behave.  IEP accomodations can only assist him in being able to function at school and access the curriculum.  They can't actually fix your child, and they can't force learning and behavior into a child that is not receptive.  What accomodations do you think they could make, that they aren't making right now, that would help?

You do need to be insistant that they keep communication lines open with you.  That is crucial, but I know it can be a huge struggle.  It's a huge struggle for me and I don't have anything going on as severe as yours.  Go up to the school Monday and make someone give you an answer.  Also request they hold an IEP meeting to get a behavior plan if he doesn't have one, and include in that plan what type of communication you need for what types of behaviors/punnishments.  

Beware, however, of making false accusations.  Don't accuse people of hating your son.  Don't accuse them of treating him unfairly without proof.  Do realize that they aren't miracle workers and that there do have to be consequences for your child's actions.  Even special needs students can be sent to alternative school.  Try your best to be a team with them.  

If you truly feel the situation at this school will never work, you might need to look into other options.   

jokeybailey
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 5:58 PM

I deal with this everyday with my son! we just took my son out of a triditional school and i am now home schooling him! I am getting ready to make a big fuss with the school distric where my kids are in school, my son has it bad but it is accompanied with anxiety as well and my daughter has it pretty bad as well. they both have 504 plans but the school never follows it. i totally know what you are going though!

thriftymom35
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:13 PM

DDDaysh was on point.  He needs a Behavior Intervention Plan.  My school is SO great!  I have never had to ask for things, they give them without me asking.  My son has Aspergers and ADHD, and we got him early intervention with the preschool program for children with disabilities.  We started OT last August.  We are doing therapeutic listening and a social skills class.  I am a stay at home mom, so I feel lucky we can afford to do all these things and I can be up at the school a lot to keep an eye on things.  But I don't need to as he is doing so well.  I have friends who are in your shoes, and one friend is even considering home schooling her 7 year old next year it's so bad.  I have a 4 yr old so I wouldn't be able to do anything like that until she is in school full time.  I am hoping I won't need to.  I am very very nervous about first grade.  I love his current teacher but the next teacher could be horrible.  You can get an advocate to go with you to your ARD meeting to fight for more services for your son.  The lack of communication, unfortunately, is common for public school.  I'll bet there is a good explanation, you might have to call the Principal to get it though.  I'll bet they are doing what they can to help him.  These people don't teach for the money that is for sure.  You are not alone.  This place is great, because you're never alone. 

sasch1226
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 7:18 AM

 We are currently overseas and my son attends a private english-speaking international school. I must note that I really love many things about the school. I have 3 other kids in the same school who are doing well. But the school is horrible with special needs. I do not have an IEP but i have recommendations from a psychologist and she met privately with the teachers/counselor and together with all of us on how to handle episodes/tough moments with my son. They do not use her advise AT ALL. I have reminded them, she has checked back with them, i have even gone as far as reminding them all via email that i paid a lot of money to have my some evaluated and to have the psychologist meet with the teachers so that we can all be on board about strategies and best practices for my son and kids like him-they never responded to that email....

I am meeting with the principal of another school tomorrow to see if they will even accept him there-he needs a change. FYI our school year runs Jan-Dec so it is still early in the year here. Also he is being bullied by older boys during breaks and the teachers have been oblivious.

I feel your frustration! My son's teacher won't even make eye contact with my husband and me when we pick-up/drop-off our son. We have tried hard to work with the school as a team because we understand there are other kids in the class, teachers are not miracle workers, etc...It has not worked for us. Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart.

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