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How do you handle situations like this?

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:30 PM
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I took my 5 year old son to our community pool with our neighbor and her son.  We go often during the summer.  I truly hate to say this, but today, my son really embarrassed me.  While in the pool, he was singing, humming, splashing NON-STOP.  The other kids were staring at him and so were the parents.  It was like a spectacle.   All of my attemps to have him stop failed. He threw toys, tried pouring water on people and was just a mess.  I felt so stupid constantly calling his name.  I had him sit with me a few times and had many talks with him.  I really wanted to leave right away, but didn't want to leave my neighbor who had come with me.  How do you handle situations like this?  I felt so isolated.  I felt like other parents were judging me and my son and I basically wanted to hide under a rock somewhere.  When we got home,  I put my son in a time-out and we had a looooooooong talk.   It makes me not want to take him to the pool again.  Situations like this really make me want to medicate him because trying to do anything fun with him is emotionally draining.  Sorry for the rant, I'm just curious if anyone has any advice and how they would handle a situation like this. 

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:30 PM
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EmeraldLake
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:43 PM
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Have you had other experiences at the pool with your son that were positive or negative?

I hate to say it....  But there are some places I just don't take my son.   I know there are triggers at certain places.   Or I make sure we go alone (not with friends) so I can spend the time focused on him.   Or I bring my husband, so there are two of us to handle my son.   It is frustrating.   My son is 7.5 yrs old and things are getting better.

starinmysky
by Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:48 PM

Thanks for your response!  My son's behavior is never consistant.  We were at the pool last week and he was excellent.  I actually have anxiety now because before we do anything, I never know what to expect. I feel like I already isolate myself and him and I hate it.  My husband and I are really considering medication for him because it is affecting our lives so much now.  We have to turn down friends' invites a lot because we know he can't handle certain things.  I get so depressed over it and a lot of people really don't understand.  People with "typical" children are so lucky.  I love my son so much, but it's hard to enjoy life now. 

EmeraldLake
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 9:57 PM

I can't answer your question.   You know what is best for you, your child and your family.   You do what you feel is right.

I can only say I can relate.   My dad made us a very generous vacation offer 3 yrs in a row, and we passed because we were afraid of the long flight.   Finally, as he got older we were able to make the trip.  And when we finally did it, he was wonderful!   It was worth the wait.

When he was young, we had to be very picky about where we would take him.  I use to feel like we were under house-arrest all the time.   Now the list of places off limits is getting smaller and smaller. 

At 5 yrs, my son was still pretty hyper and lacking control.  It was hard knowing other parents didn't have the limits we had.   But now, at age 7.5, he has matured a ton.   He isn't that hyper any more.   But he still has focus issues, sensory issues, learning disabilities, and some other stuff.

P.S.  Besides maturity...   We have also done a bunch of Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy to help him with coordination and control of his body.

mommytoeandb
by Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 1:43 PM
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Prior to dd starting meds, she would get a couple warnings and then we left. At that age, it worked best for me to stay right with her and shadow her.
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starinmysky
by Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 4:52 PM

EmeraldLake, my son also gets OT and PT to help with coordination.  Do you have your child on medication?  I really do not want to medicate my son.  I am hoping that he will mature and gain more control over himself.  He actually has gotten a lot easier this past year, but still struggles at times. 

EmeraldLake
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 9:51 PM

Yes, we started medicating half way through first grade, at almost age 7 yrs.   I can't say what is right for you though.   Naturally, we were hesitant to medicate as well.   For our child, it was not a behavior problem (at this age anyways).   He really had no idea what was going on around him at school!   The medication has helped with the focus and attention issues.  But attention was only half the problem.   We have an IEP and accomodations to help with the learning disabilities.  

He told me when he started the meds, he understood better what was going on around him.  Again, he was almost 7 yrs old at that point.

Now that he is out of school for summer, we have quit medicating.   But he will probably start meds again with the start of school.  

OT and PT were the best thing we did when he was young.   The OT helped a lot with the sensory processing and coordination issues.   The PT has been great for the low muscle tone and core strength.

MsLogansMommy
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:09 AM
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I can totally relate. I hate to feel like someone is judging me and then I feel so resentful against my own child and she feels it so she acts worse and its such a vicious cycle the guilt embarrassment anger resentment and jealousy of people with "normal" kids or maybe well behaved kids is a better term I dont have any advice to offer just hugs and understanding hope things get better for you and your child good luck and dont be too hard on yourself we are all doing the best we can no one has any right to judge anyone else

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 8:14 PM
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I also feel like i am judged as being such a bad parent cuz i cant "control" my son.  My son is medicated for adhd/odd.  He is 10 now.  Some things have matured with age, other things have become worse.  The medication has helped my son focus in school.  He also has such anxiety issues.  You learn what drugs work and when they work.  The BEST time for my son is an hour after i have given my son his meds.  We can do anything than and he is an almost perfect angel.  He listens and cleans up, etc.  That's the best time for us to do things, like swim, or things that require him to "behave" his best.  It last for a couple of hours.  Than if he gets tired we need to take a break, even if his meds are still working.  I am an advocate for meds.  Not every one is.  But im sorry, I like a little "me" time.  Having my son medicated allows me to take a small break from worrying what my son is up to or doing at the moment.  With meds, i know my son is "okay" to be left alone for a while, where i know he isnt going to destroy something or hit someone or make a fool of me.  I was tired of "hovering" over my son all the time.  I also dont stop the meds during the breaks or summer.  It takes a while for meds to start working again, so i would rather have the same behavior all the time vs going "crazy" over the summer w/o meds.  For a while when my son was younger, we just didnt go a lot of places.  We couldnt do many things with our friends.  They just didnt understand the schedules we had to follow..routine is important.  New situations dont go well with my son.  We have to explain a lot of things ahead of time and cant just get up and go.  Meds help with this a lot.  Do your research.  Certain meds work well for some kids and not for others.  If my son is having fun (it looks like your son was having "fun" just his own kind of "fun") but not behaving to everyone's expectations, than i just tell my son we are leaving and that usually stops the bad behavior.  Or if i hadnt let my son continue to swim, than i know my son's behavior would have stopped right away, cuz he loves to swim!  Sorry this is soooo long. 

starinmysky
by Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 6:48 PM

Thank you for your reply.  I am neither for or against meds.  I know some kids need them and I think no child should ever suffer when there is a medication that can help.  I guess since my son is only 5, I am still coming to terms with the fact that "this is the way it is".  I just never imagined life like this (no one does I'm sure).  It's just so hard and frustrating because there are days when he is great.  We actually just went to a party and you would never think he had any issues.  I just don't get it!!!  Some days I feel he needs meds and other days not at all.  Thank u everyone for your help and advice!!

MsLogansMommy
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 1:50 AM


Quoting starinmysky:

Thank you for your reply.  I am neither for or against meds.  I know some kids need them and I think no child should ever suffer when there is a medication that can help.  I guess since my son is only 5, I am still coming to terms with the fact that "this is the way it is".  I just never imagined life like this (no one does I'm sure).  It's just so hard and frustrating because there are days when he is great.  We actually just went to a party and you would never think he had any issues.  I just don't get it!!!  Some days I feel he needs meds and other days not at all.  Thank u everyone for your help and advice!!


I completely get where you are coming from with the fact that some days my daughter is an angel and I actually enjoy her company and have a good time with her and want to take her out in public but then there are those days when she is so argumentative everything is a battle and I feel like im losing my mind on those days I feel like giving up cause I think how can I possible live thru twelve more years of this

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