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Holding back tears...how do you do this

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:45 PM
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My son is in the evaluation stage.  He's been seen by the Pediatrician and the Pediatric Neurologist.  We get the results at a meeting next week. 

I feel like I cannot handle this.  Everything takes so long for him to do.  I have to be right next to him prompting him so he can complete a task.  Homework takes forever unless I am right there saying, "now what's next", "stop looking at the wall", "keep you eyes on the paper", "stop playing with your pencil". 

He seems to have gotten worst now that he's is the middle of 4th grade.  The work is harder and he finds any excuse to get up from his desk (sharpening pencil, bathroom, cleaning his glasses, putting on a sweater".  And suddenly he does not know how to do anything unless I coach him through it.  It took 2 hours for him to put 25 words in alphabetical order, because he claimed he needed my help.  He has had to put his spelling words in order since third grade.  Why is he doing this?

I can't take this.  I'm not sure what medication can do with this type of of behavior.  I am scared that I will have to be attached to him like this throughout the foreseeable future.

Please tell me it is going to change, because I can't do this much longer.  I had to walk away today, his homework will be incomplete for the first time, but I just couldn't. HELP.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TattoomamaPink
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:18 AM
1 mom liked this

I totally empathize with you I to have son that does everything your son does and have been to all types of doctors and been on different medication just to see what he can take and after 6 tries we have found that vyvanse helps so much. I would like to share with you I learned over the years with my son when reading or doing homework with him I make him sit on my lap and we do everything that way and it actually helps a lot!! I understand your frustration because I have been there and sometimes still go there.. just remember its not his fault the way things are happening for him and that he just needs love and people to try different things with him intill you find one that works best for him.. It will take time but it will happen.. if you would like to talk more you can pm me!!! :)

CTBJMom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:40 AM

TattoomamaPink, thank you for your encouragement and sharing. 

mswifey
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:49 AM
My SD was ( notice the past tense) EXACTLY the same way!!!!!! She wanted to "spoon feed" her the answers!!! Drove me nuts!!! And what was worse, when you did stand there spoon feeding answers to her, then she played dumb and pretended know anything thinking you would just tell her the answer!! She has done this since day one in kindergarden. Homework was a nightmare and she began crying before we started homework, and didnt stop until bedtime. In the 3rd grade, i had enough!!! I told her that her homework was her responsibilty, and if she didnt do it there would be consuquences. End of story. Oh yeah she was also dx ADHD and we started vyvanse. The second half of third grade was rough, sd had ALOT of incompletes. But she paid the consequences. It was soooo bad my sd would fight me til bedtime, til i just said fine, take it back incomplete, then she would go to school, get into trouble and get detention, then take the incomplete homework into detention ( where there is a different teacher each time) then my sd would tell that teacher, that she didnt know how to do her her homework. She got the "attention " that myself of her teachers wouldnt give her because WE KNEW SHE COULD DO IT!!! This she did at least 3 days a week!!!! I beleive that this is just a combination of attrntion seeking behavior and inmaturity. Once i sat back and allowed my stepdaughter gwt in trouble a few times for her decision of not doing it, she learned that it wasnt worth it. With that and meds, she finally got it. I will say this: be strong. I had to invest in some good headphones, because in my SD case, she liked the argument, so when i said i'm not fighting with u, so it or not. ( but if not, no tv til its done your choice) she would stand in my face and scream. I made her do that in her room. She figured it out in a few weeks. 4th grade she is a different child!!! Good luck
CTBJMom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:50 AM

thanks so much for your answer,  Quick question.  What was the effect of the medication if you still went through so much?  We are still in the evaluation stage and are trying to figure out how much meds would help.  I appreciate your insights.

mswifey
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:37 PM

 


Quoting CTBJMom:

thanks so much for your answer,  Quick question.  What was the effect of the medication if you still went through so much?  We are still in the evaluation stage and are trying to figure out how much meds would help.  I appreciate your insights.

 The medication did start working immediatley, we s results in other areas and at school so we knew it was working,but in my SD case, she had already formed negative habits, and it took her a lttle while to realize that she didnt like the consequences. She is very attention seeking, and for her, she would rather fight and get the negative attention, that lasted HOURS than to just sit down do her homework, on her own, feel like she accomplished something get a quick pat on the back, a high five and a good job, that lasts only a few minutes. To her the negative attention was better. In my rational mind, this makes no sense. LOL! She just had to break that cycle. We didnt get her on the vyvance until Feb or March. so it was late in the school year. It took her about a month to settle down with homework, but this year SHE IS A DIFFERENT CHILD!! Meds are not the answer for everyone, and vyvanse may not work for you guys, but keep trying, you will find something that works.


 

Verrine
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 1:35 PM

I also think that it's attention seeking behavior. Try a sticker chart for if he can do his homework in a decent amount of time on his own and a prize for a week of it. Maybe start out with 1 sticker for an almost decent amount of time and 1 for on his own. Medication might help. Some of it is learned helplessness, knowing that he will get out of something if he insists that he can't do it. 

Proce3
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:35 PM

 I can't tell ya how many times I have walked away, went to my room and had a good old fashioned cry. Honestly I feel like that is healthy for my well being. Last year I couldn't form a sentence regarding my sons adhd to save my life. I considered medication for depression for me.

My son is in 4th also. He has been on meds since mid 1st grade. I can't imagine how difficult it would be today had I not made that decision years ago. The meds do not fix anything. They simply allow the child to pay attention to the person trying to help them help themselves.

All I can say is...... give it a try and you be the judge. If it doesn't work, simply stop. 

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 5:04 PM

 


Quoting TattoomamaPink:

I totally empathize with you I to have son that does everything your son does and have been to all types of doctors and been on different medication just to see what he can take and after 6 tries we have found that vyvanse helps so much. I would like to share with you I learned over the years with my son when reading or doing homework with him I make him sit on my lap and we do everything that way and it actually helps a lot!! I understand your frustration because I have been there and sometimes still go there.. just remember its not his fault the way things are happening for him and that he just needs love and people to try different things with him intill you find one that works best for him.. It will take time but it will happen.. if you would like to talk more you can pm me!!! :)

6 different meds altogether or 6 tries including getting the dosage right?

 

CTBJMom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:22 PM

Ladies,

Thank you so much. 

Had a long talk with an experienced teacher that has observing my son's class for two weeks.  He feels my son is avoiding doing the work and claims ignorance.  He then gets sympathy and we start spoonfeeding him.  He is trying to get us to give him the answer so he can avoid doing the work.

Additionally, he does stunts to draw attention to himself in class.  Slipping out of his chair, tapping his pencil on the desk, etc.  Not sure this is ADHD, but I sure do appreciate you moms.  XOXO


TattoomamaPink
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:50 PM


6 different medication on different trys to get the right one not all at once ...

Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:



Quoting TattoomamaPink:

I totally empathize with you I to have son that does everything your son does and have been to all types of doctors and been on different medication just to see what he can take and after 6 tries we have found that vyvanse helps so much. I would like to share with you I learned over the years with my son when reading or doing homework with him I make him sit on my lap and we do everything that way and it actually helps a lot!! I understand your frustration because I have been there and sometimes still go there.. just remember its not his fault the way things are happening for him and that he just needs love and people to try different things with him intill you find one that works best for him.. It will take time but it will happen.. if you would like to talk more you can pm me!!! :)

6 different meds altogether or 6 tries including getting the dosage right?




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