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Holding back tears...how do you do this

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My son is in the evaluation stage.  He's been seen by the Pediatrician and the Pediatric Neurologist.  We get the results at a meeting next week. 

I feel like I cannot handle this.  Everything takes so long for him to do.  I have to be right next to him prompting him so he can complete a task.  Homework takes forever unless I am right there saying, "now what's next", "stop looking at the wall", "keep you eyes on the paper", "stop playing with your pencil". 

He seems to have gotten worst now that he's is the middle of 4th grade.  The work is harder and he finds any excuse to get up from his desk (sharpening pencil, bathroom, cleaning his glasses, putting on a sweater".  And suddenly he does not know how to do anything unless I coach him through it.  It took 2 hours for him to put 25 words in alphabetical order, because he claimed he needed my help.  He has had to put his spelling words in order since third grade.  Why is he doing this?

I can't take this.  I'm not sure what medication can do with this type of of behavior.  I am scared that I will have to be attached to him like this throughout the foreseeable future.

Please tell me it is going to change, because I can't do this much longer.  I had to walk away today, his homework will be incomplete for the first time, but I just couldn't. HELP.

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Replies (21-28):
jthompson1976
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:46 AM

does he have adhd?   i thought my daugther had adhd i took to psy for childeren found out she had asbergers.with hyper trates...   its so hard   does he sleep at night?  i had it in her iep with no home work they should be able to modafye his work

MsLogansMommy
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:39 AM

OMG homework is a nightmare in my house I end up screaming at her cause i lose my patience I feel like what the hell do you learn in school she comes home and I basically have to give her the lesson all over again i know its cause she doesnt listen and pay attention I cant stand homework time im so jealous of those moms that can say ok sweetie time for homework and then after they finish all the mom has to do is check it. My mom never held my hand while i did homework I cant stand it sorry no help here im f'n miserable

CHDMommy3
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this

hugsYou are not alone in these feelings.  I have bee there and still at times pull my hair out with my DS.  It sounds cliche but one day at a time.  For my DS I chose to try multiple options before medication but that was because he has other health issues, but on meds he has improved. 

  Have you considered behavior counseling to partner with medication (if you chose/choose that route)?  My son sees a counselor and she not only helps him but helps me parent him thru the tough times as well.  And we put a 504 in place to help with school.  I would love to share this with you if you like.  Message me and we can talk or if you need a eyeball haha then feel free to write and vent.

Hang in there it does get better!

MsLogansMommy
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:41 AM

oh and I forgot to mention I had finally decided to try meds after fighting with this decision and she has been diagnosed almost 2 years ago so i made the appt and my insurance doesnt cover it i have Kaiser/medi-cal and it wont cover "psych" services it will cover the prescription but I have to have it prescribed by county psych which has a waiting list and im so miserable im so tired of having a kid with ADHD i cant stand it i never get breaks from her cause her behavior is so bad no one will watch her

mswifey
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:46 AM
Quoting MsLogansMommy:

oh and I forgot to mention I had finally decided to try meds after fighting with this decision and she has been diagnosed almost 2 years ago so i made the appt and my insurance doesnt cover it i have Kaiser/medi-cal and it wont cover "psych" services it will cover the prescription but I have to have it prescribed by county psych which has a waiting list and im so miserable im so tired of having a kid with ADHD i cant stand it i never get breaks from her cause her behavior is so bad no one will watch her






I can assure you, you are not alone. i have been down the same path with my SD. The worst part of it was, I felt no one saw what i see. My SD is 10, shes ADHD, she has axiety, and anger issues, shes manaipulative, nasty, and overall a misrable little brat who tryed her best to make everyone around her as misrable as she was. This is how I referred to her most of the time. Not to her, or anyone else, for that matter. But in my heart, thats how I felt. The hardest part, was the fear i had of where those negative feeling, thoughts, fears would lead. It seemed as though her mission the minute her eyes opened unto she went to bed, was to defie, me, piss me off, see how much trouble, heartache and havic she could cause. She was good at it too. She did this for the better part of 5years. I had feelings i would never express, yet. Guilt for those feelling that ate at me, when I was alone at night. I cryed myself to sleep most night scared of my own feelings. I spent nights on end begging GOd for help. For repenting for the nasty person I felt I had become. Resolving that i would be better. That I am doing all that I can, and to take it one day at a time. Yet as sure as the sun comes up, and I ask the simpliest things of my sd, the fight starts all over again. After day in and day out of that, for years on end, I realized, that i was becoming all the things that i disliked about her. i no compassion, no symphathy. When I looked at her mostly what I saw was discust and anger. Everyone told me, focus on the good. And Lord knows I tryed!!!I didnt see any!! I even tryed "making things up" yes, lying to "catch her doing good" it only backfired. When I saw her petting the dog. ( I had to watch her because she liked pretend she was petting her, but if you turned your head she would pinch her, then start crying amd say the dog bit her.) i would see her petting the dog, i just gushed over how sweet she was, bla bla bla never taking my eye off her of course, amd yeah she ate it up, but not 30 seconds later she would look at me and delibertley do something knew was wrong. My Sd is now 10, shes ADHD, has anger and axiety, and i think maybe odd. She is now medicated, and things hotten better. The meds helped tremediously. But there were a few years in there that I didnt think I was gonna make it out with my sanity. I can hear the dispAir in your post. I have been there. While I waited for the meds to morph her into this ideal little angel child that I though she should be, and I waited for the answer from God to boom down in an auble voice, and tell me what to do, i realized that I had to do something!!!!! I just didnt know wjat that was. I began first working on myself. When I needed a break, i took one. A day, a afternoon, a few minutes away to keep my own sanity. I reaolved to keep my on fristrations in check. I began to try an diminish negatives thoughts of her. I still struggle with this. But also, as hard as it was to see the good, once i saw it once, it was easier to see the next time. I realized that no matter what she chose to show me, that wasnt the real person inside. I dont know why she is how she is, and at 10, i justified my own negative feelings and frustrations about her behavior by saying you by the age of 10, if you jnow the rules, you know how you should behave, you know the consequences, and you choose to do wrong anyway, then you know better. If you do things to "make me angry" ( that was her reasoning as to why she broke the rules at home) well then you should expect to be punished. I realized that although, yeah she knew why she was doing wrong. I dont always think that she knows why she is complelled to do it. Shes an intelligent, i know that ahe unserstands that most "normal" kids try hard to stay away from prouble. We have had these csome conversations with her. She dont understand her behaviors. I know enougj about anger to know that she is striking out because she is mad. Our goal is to an outlet for her instead of taking it out on others. My goal is to see her in a new light, and for who she really is a beautiful, loving, happy intelligent child. Its a battle everyday, but evwryday we make progress. She jas matured alot in a year. She is now on the honor roll, and life is getting better.take care of yourself first. Do what you can for your child, muCh prayer, much soul searching, and you will find the road together.
MsLogansMommy
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:44 AM

Thank you for your post and I apologize to OP for threadjacking your post

I feel so guilty for having the feelings I have about my own child I do love her and I am able to see many positives about her but there are moments when I even consider placing her in foster care because it is just too much for me I have no support from anyone I am a single mom and I get no breaks. I know if I placed her in foster care I would miss her like crazy but I just need some breaks now and then  


Quoting mswifey:

Quoting MsLogansMommy:

oh and I forgot to mention I had finally decided to try meds after fighting with this decision and she has been diagnosed almost 2 years ago so i made the appt and my insurance doesnt cover it i have Kaiser/medi-cal and it wont cover "psych" services it will cover the prescription but I have to have it prescribed by county psych which has a waiting list and im so miserable im so tired of having a kid with ADHD i cant stand it i never get breaks from her cause her behavior is so bad no one will watch her






I can assure you, you are not alone. i have been down the same path with my SD. The worst part of it was, I felt no one saw what i see. My SD is 10, shes ADHD, she has axiety, and anger issues, shes manaipulative, nasty, and overall a misrable little brat who tryed her best to make everyone around her as misrable as she was. This is how I referred to her most of the time. Not to her, or anyone else, for that matter. But in my heart, thats how I felt. The hardest part, was the fear i had of where those negative feeling, thoughts, fears would lead. It seemed as though her mission the minute her eyes opened unto she went to bed, was to defie, me, piss me off, see how much trouble, heartache and havic she could cause. She was good at it too. She did this for the better part of 5years. I had feelings i would never express, yet. Guilt for those feelling that ate at me, when I was alone at night. I cryed myself to sleep most night scared of my own feelings. I spent nights on end begging GOd for help. For repenting for the nasty person I felt I had become. Resolving that i would be better. That I am doing all that I can, and to take it one day at a time. Yet as sure as the sun comes up, and I ask the simpliest things of my sd, the fight starts all over again. After day in and day out of that, for years on end, I realized, that i was becoming all the things that i disliked about her. i no compassion, no symphathy. When I looked at her mostly what I saw was discust and anger. Everyone told me, focus on the good. And Lord knows I tryed!!!I didnt see any!! I even tryed "making things up" yes, lying to "catch her doing good" it only backfired. When I saw her petting the dog. ( I had to watch her because she liked pretend she was petting her, but if you turned your head she would pinch her, then start crying amd say the dog bit her.) i would see her petting the dog, i just gushed over how sweet she was, bla bla bla never taking my eye off her of course, amd yeah she ate it up, but not 30 seconds later she would look at me and delibertley do something knew was wrong. My Sd is now 10, shes ADHD, has anger and axiety, and i think maybe odd. She is now medicated, and things hotten better. The meds helped tremediously. But there were a few years in there that I didnt think I was gonna make it out with my sanity. I can hear the dispAir in your post. I have been there. While I waited for the meds to morph her into this ideal little angel child that I though she should be, and I waited for the answer from God to boom down in an auble voice, and tell me what to do, i realized that I had to do something!!!!! I just didnt know wjat that was. I began first working on myself. When I needed a break, i took one. A day, a afternoon, a few minutes away to keep my own sanity. I reaolved to keep my on fristrations in check. I began to try an diminish negatives thoughts of her. I still struggle with this. But also, as hard as it was to see the good, once i saw it once, it was easier to see the next time. I realized that no matter what she chose to show me, that wasnt the real person inside. I dont know why she is how she is, and at 10, i justified my own negative feelings and frustrations about her behavior by saying you by the age of 10, if you jnow the rules, you know how you should behave, you know the consequences, and you choose to do wrong anyway, then you know better. If you do things to "make me angry" ( that was her reasoning as to why she broke the rules at home) well then you should expect to be punished. I realized that although, yeah she knew why she was doing wrong. I dont always think that she knows why she is complelled to do it. Shes an intelligent, i know that ahe unserstands that most "normal" kids try hard to stay away from prouble. We have had these csome conversations with her. She dont understand her behaviors. I know enougj about anger to know that she is striking out because she is mad. Our goal is to an outlet for her instead of taking it out on others. My goal is to see her in a new light, and for who she really is a beautiful, loving, happy intelligent child. Its a battle everyday, but evwryday we make progress. She jas matured alot in a year. She is now on the honor roll, and life is getting better.take care of yourself first. Do what you can for your child, muCh prayer, much soul searching, and you will find the road together.


 

mswifey
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:50 PM

 

Quoting MsLogansMommy:

Thank you for your post and I apologize to OP for threadjacking your post

I feel so guilty for having the feelings I have about my own child I do love her and I am able to see many positives about her but there are moments when I even consider placing her in foster care because it is just too much for me I have no support from anyone I am a single mom and I get no breaks. I know if I placed her in foster care I would miss her like crazy but I just need some breaks now and then  

 

Quoting mswifey:

Quoting MsLogansMommy:

oh and I forgot to mention I had finally decided to try meds after fighting with this decision and she has been diagnosed almost 2 years ago so i made the appt and my insurance doesnt cover it i have Kaiser/medi-cal and it wont cover "psych" services it will cover the prescription but I have to have it prescribed by county psych which has a waiting list and im so miserable im so tired of having a kid with ADHD i cant stand it i never get breaks from her cause her behavior is so bad no one will watch her






I can assure you, you are not alone. i have been down the same path with my SD. The worst part of it was, I felt no one saw what i see. My SD is 10, shes ADHD, she has axiety, and anger issues, shes manaipulative, nasty, and overall a misrable little brat who tryed her best to make everyone around her as misrable as she was. This is how I referred to her most of the time. Not to her, or anyone else, for that matter. But in my heart, thats how I felt. The hardest part, was the fear i had of where those negative feeling, thoughts, fears would lead. It seemed as though her mission the minute her eyes opened unto she went to bed, was to defie, me, piss me off, see how much trouble, heartache and havic she could cause. She was good at it too. She did this for the better part of 5years. I had feelings i would never express, yet. Guilt for those feelling that ate at me, when I was alone at night. I cryed myself to sleep most night scared of my own feelings. I spent nights on end begging GOd for help. For repenting for the nasty person I felt I had become. Resolving that i would be better. That I am doing all that I can, and to take it one day at a time. Yet as sure as the sun comes up, and I ask the simpliest things of my sd, the fight starts all over again. After day in and day out of that, for years on end, I realized, that i was becoming all the things that i disliked about her. i no compassion, no symphathy. When I looked at her mostly what I saw was discust and anger. Everyone told me, focus on the good. And Lord knows I tryed!!!I didnt see any!! I even tryed "making things up" yes, lying to "catch her doing good" it only backfired. When I saw her petting the dog. ( I had to watch her because she liked pretend she was petting her, but if you turned your head she would pinch her, then start crying amd say the dog bit her.) i would see her petting the dog, i just gushed over how sweet she was, bla bla bla never taking my eye off her of course, amd yeah she ate it up, but not 30 seconds later she would look at me and delibertley do something knew was wrong. My Sd is now 10, shes ADHD, has anger and axiety, and i think maybe odd. She is now medicated, and things hotten better. The meds helped tremediously. But there were a few years in there that I didnt think I was gonna make it out with my sanity. I can hear the dispAir in your post. I have been there. While I waited for the meds to morph her into this ideal little angel child that I though she should be, and I waited for the answer from God to boom down in an auble voice, and tell me what to do, i realized that I had to do something!!!!! I just didnt know wjat that was. I began first working on myself. When I needed a break, i took one. A day, a afternoon, a few minutes away to keep my own sanity. I reaolved to keep my on fristrations in check. I began to try an diminish negatives thoughts of her. I still struggle with this. But also, as hard as it was to see the good, once i saw it once, it was easier to see the next time. I realized that no matter what she chose to show me, that wasnt the real person inside. I dont know why she is how she is, and at 10, i justified my own negative feelings and frustrations about her behavior by saying you by the age of 10, if you jnow the rules, you know how you should behave, you know the consequences, and you choose to do wrong anyway, then you know better. If you do things to "make me angry" ( that was her reasoning as to why she broke the rules at home) well then you should expect to be punished. I realized that although, yeah she knew why she was doing wrong. I dont always think that she knows why she is complelled to do it. Shes an intelligent, i know that ahe unserstands that most "normal" kids try hard to stay away from prouble. We have had these csome conversations with her. She dont understand her behaviors. I know enougj about anger to know that she is striking out because she is mad. Our goal is to an outlet for her instead of taking it out on others. My goal is to see her in a new light, and for who she really is a beautiful, loving, happy intelligent child. Its a battle everyday, but evwryday we make progress. She jas matured alot in a year. She is now on the honor roll, and life is getting better.take care of yourself first. Do what you can for your child, muCh prayer, much soul searching, and you will find the road together.

 

 I spent the morning crying over your post. Crying over my own reply! LOL!  (some of these feelings I have not expresssed until this morning.) My husband was at a loss as well. I knew that all I had to do was say the word, and he could send her to live with his mom in FLorida. Was it what he wanted, no, did he think it was the right thing to do no, but he knew that it was HELL for both of us living in the same house and thats all he knew to do. Oh how sweet  sound of is was. . She went to stay 2 weeks every summer and I counted the hours. I relished the times when it was just me and him.  I knew that it wasnt the answer for us. It would do more harm than good, and a bad as it made me feel to "daydream" about an extended stay I knew for her sake, we couldnt do that. ( I can still look forward to those 2 week stays in the summer though) Even when hubby came home on the weekend. I didnt get a break, because natually we wanted to do something as a family. She resented (and sometimes still struggles with that) not having him to herself, so here we go again. Do not feel guity for the thoughts and feelings that you have had. its normal. I know that at times even my husband.   struggled with how to cope with her. I am sorry you have no one. Being a single mom is tough enough as it is, but add the struggle of a child with behavior problems and it a whole different set of problems. The best advise that I can give, is just hang in there. Time and maturity heals alot of things. People told me that and at the time, it just irratated me. I felt like I didnt have time to wait, and she would never be mature! I was wrong. It has helped. SLOWLY, I see how she has changed. The biggest thing with kids and ADHD is that they are socially and emotionally immature. (sometimes as much as 3 years) I just had to accept that shes not at the age of a 10 yr old. I have to not accept 10 yr old actions. I know during the week, I had no one to give me a break, and Lord knows, I didnt want her acting up with someone esle. There were times when the only break I had was sending her to bed early so I could have an extra 30 minutes of peace and quiet. There is nothing wrong with that.If thats the only option you have at the time, take it when you need it. It doesnt have to be sending them to bed. let them watch a movie in bed. Trust me I used it alot. As my SD got older, she became aware of her own behavior. She changed some things on her own, it just took her a little loner than most. In the meantime, take care of you first. You are all your child has. Then decide what is best for your child. Even if you dont have someone right now, who can help you, it wont always be that way. Remember time and maturity changes alot of things. I know your struggling. just hang in there. I am on here off and on, but anytime you need to talk you can pm me. I know what your going thru and your not in thi alone! Much love and prayers to you!


 

KZuz
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:05 PM

I have my meeting for the results today. My son is in 3rd grade, same thing is happening with him too. I know we all agreed we were going to try and see if giving him special help would be effective before medicating him....

My oldest son didn't get diagnosed until he was in middle school and he is medicated (he also has bipolar, autism...)

I can completely feel your pain, I know it well! Hang in there...

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