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i need to get a grip

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:51 PM
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my husband lost his job and is looking for a new one with this there is a possiblity that he could work second shift which means leaves before robert gets home from school comes home after bed. Right now we are managing not to the best as we should but we are okay. He does really good on his meds but the last dose wears off about 7:00 which is bath bed and the most struggle time. I dont no whats going on but ive been having alot of hard times with staying calm and listening to him i feel some days im so tied up that i feel like i dont have as good of patients as i should if he gets a job on second shift it gonna be me just me. i mean we live with his parents because we found it is best for our family but i dont want them to feel like they need to help they are his grandparents and should love and spoil him. All though his mom is the best. we both struggle with keeping him on task we need to find a way to get orginized badly but as soon as we do we will be moving into a house so its gonna be a whole new adjustment for him. The baby has had alot of changes in the last few years first it was allergys we found out hes allergic to wheat so we stripped that then we moved from michigan where hes lived his whole life to texas which ment new people new friends new school new docters. then we got our diagnosed with ADHD and hyperacitivity disorder. but i think maybe not even just for him but all of us we dont no how to coup with it or handle it. we have no clue how to disipline him in a way thats affective? or how to handle when he gets in his mad screaming ive had enough fits? or how to encourage him to do something possitive i wanted to do a chart for like good behavoir or gettting things done but i have NO CLUE how to start if u have made it this far i thank u for listening and im open to any and all ideas u are willing to share. I dont wanna feel like im failing him as a parent but right now i do 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:51 PM
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Replies (1-3):
21lisa72
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Plain and simple 2 warnings time out be serious and don't back out I know we down want then dirty but if it it means tossing him to bed no treats no snacks just go to bed it gets old quick believer. Good luck !
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momkelly2
by Head Admin Catherine on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:36 AM

you need to take a deep breath and  relax a moment so you can focus.  

 you have a lot going on.    and it feels overwhelming.    in moments like that I stop for a minute..   take a breath... and think what needs to be done first...     when that is okay or working.. then  think about the next item to deal with.  

for some it is better to make a list .. 1st priority...  2nd.. etc...    and that is a great tool to use too.. but sometimes it changes before you get to "2nd" ... so you have to be prepared to change your list..

next there is a tool called   "1,2,3...magic'   is it an easy read  and you can google it..   if you can't afford it..  check your local library and see if they have or are willing to get a copy.  if not watch old episodes of Supper nanny...   she used many of the basic principles.    21lisa72  said it too   short and sweetly.  

but she was spot on.     you need to give warning... I stated what I expected...  gave them a chance to comply...   and I used to count 1...  2...  if 3 they went to time out.. done

and It was real..  no pleading.. no crying... no giving in...    last part is for you..  NO GIVING IN.   once you give in you teach them they only have to wait..   the time plus one minute.      and if you hold to it..   once it is learned and they know you mean it...  it works forever...  well at least for me it has so far.    a couple of years ago.. my DD(then 25yo)  wasn't answering her cell phone txts from me.      so..    I sent a txt that simply said "ONE!"   she had me on my office phone   mom I am answering you....it is your phone!      

so contacted the phone service company..   they helped me reset my phone..   sure enough all these txts from her came flooding in...      but the point is..  at 25yrs old.. and on her own..  she knew when I said one I meant business.      not sure how much longer it will work..  kids are on their own after all.. but..    once I had it down.. it worked  right through high school, college and beyond....    :)

just remember in the beginning.. and forseable future.. you are in it to win it.    no giving in.    later you can  give  a little if not too often... kids learn fast  that you will give in.  lol   

the process ends arguments..  frustration... and  simplifies your life.   

jaclynd
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:50 AM

Oh sweetie, first of all *big hugs*

It sounds like EVERYONE  in your house is stressed.  Like the PP said, take a minute and breathe. 

Consistency is the key when it comes to dicipline and it sounds like you all have not had it much, but it's okay. you can do it.  momkelly2 is right, there's some great rescources out there to look at and it's all about sticking with it and being consistent. 

I still struggle with that a lot, but I find when I step back, take a few moments for myself, then get back to my routines, things calm down.  Good luck with hubby and the new job and house!

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