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Disciplining?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:42 AM
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How do you do it???

My Boys are my everything!!

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:42 AM
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Replies (1-5):
whatmynameagain
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Depends on the day with us. He can get way out of control, aggressive then we take him to his room to settle down. Yes I've had to hold the doircshut until he calms no im not proud of it but sometimes itsir the onlyhouse way tokeep him from continuously destroying things ir hurting himself others when he gets too wound up. Other times usually it works a I put him in his room door shut to calm sown 5hut minutes or longer if he needs to. There's just hid bed, blanket, bean bag and s ticket in there. He can jump around, on bed if he needs to get the "" crazies" or angry out, he can rip old magazines. Or jump on bed, throw stuffirs and then he'll calm and usually rock in his chair. Once he's calmer he can come out. When he settles we talk about why he went to time out, how to behave next time...we use a lot of positive reinforcement too when he dies the correct behavior we tell him what a good job and how he's such a big biy(mine is 5&1/2). If he's not being dangerous we just ignore his tantrum until he's finished...we are constantly learning and shifting to fit cinsequencese that fit the "t crime" as to what he responds best to even day to day.
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MomOfOneCoolKid
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:18 PM

This is from another mom in another group, but I LOVE it!

I hope it helps you like it helped me:


Quote:

When my son was younger we used the idea of rewinding like his VCR tapes...so he could rewind and try a good behavior instead of the inappropriate one.

I guess the basic assumption of using consequences to change behavior is that the child has a working brain function connecting cause with effect. One of the tests in my son's evaluations screened for this. My son showed little ability to connect cause and effect in social situations...pretty scary to watch this.

Timeouts or putting in a room by himself would have been a disaster. He has severe separation anxiety ...as in separation from me..like many children who have autism have as part of the developmental delay...so it would have been awful to put him into a room away from me having no idea how long he would be there (he had no concept of time even with a timer). If he lost sight of me at home he would start crying and get frantic so that was not going to work ever.

In the same way it was not motivating or very helpful to have positive reinforcements either...like working to behave to get points to get something. Same problem...disconnect between the consequence/reinforcement things.

So over the years we just did practicing rules...fortunately my son was a rule follower...once he understood the rules for different situations he stuck to the rules. It was more a task of training him to know what the rules were rather than giving him negative consequences for him to I guess avoid--which he could not do.

Also for him, there are things he was not able to do...such as stop a meltdown once it started or handle anxiety in specific environments/people surroundings. So I worked with him on planning his day/week and thinking about an activity...can he handle it, what does he need to be able to do something (e.g. go to a doctor office or take a long ride in a car). He has the choice to opt out of something he knows will be too much for him. Of course there are things he has had to do, and we work through strategies ahead of time (e.g. bring his noise cancelling headphones, bring a charged small game console, etc.)

We do a lot of talking about available choices and thinking about what is going to work for him. We do a lot of previewing and practice before a new or difficult activity like calling in his SSI wages. That helps a lot.

The main thing for us was to work on routines that worked for him and practice appropriate behaviors and make sure life was doable for him. Then the behaviors that would have caused the need for a consequence are greatly reduced in the case of my son.

For me I just wanted to help my son to be his best. Practicing rules and routines helped him progress and feel confident. Consequences made things worse, made us both feel awful and did nothing to help him to get to behavior/self-regulation goals. He is a very polite, respectful, hard-working young man now so thankfully what we did worked for him.


mamacornias
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:46 AM


Quoting whatmynameagain:

Depends on the day with us. He can get way out of control, aggressive then we take him to his room to settle down. Yes I've had to hold the doircshut until he calms no im not proud of it but sometimes itsir the onlyhouse way tokeep him from continuously destroying things ir hurting himself others when he gets too wound up. Other times usually it works a I put him in his room door shut to calm sown 5hut minutes or longer if he needs to. There's just hid bed, blanket, bean bag and s ticket in there. He can jump around, on bed if he needs to get the "" crazies" or angry out, he can rip old magazines. Or jump on bed, throw stuffirs and then he'll calm and usually rock in his chair. Once he's calmer he can come out. When he settles we talk about why he went to time out, how to behave next time...we use a lot of positive reinforcement too when he dies the correct behavior we tell him what a good job and how he's such a big biy(mine is 5&1/2). If he's not being dangerous we just ignore his tantrum until he's finished...we are constantly learning and shifting to fit cinsequencese that fit the "t crime" as to what he responds best to even day to day.

Is he only ADHD? My son has tantrums and he will throw stuff and call people names and take it out on his brother. I will admit I have a chain on his door so he can't get out and he can have a time out by himself. 


My Boys are my everything!!

whatmynameagain
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:37 AM
There's odd , language impairment and on social and emotional a bit delayed. He understands consequences but they have to be immmidiate ti the situation. We also plan the day and talk about how to behave should "x" happen and when something happens try to talk it out or leave the situationif he seems overwhelmed or winding up before it escalates into a fit or worse.
I think he may have a bit of sensory thing because he loves to be rocked...he has a big rocking horse and a rocker he'll rock in to chill out. Most of the time he does know what ti do I Think a lot of it is when he's over stimulated it really tired he had a harder time with impulse control andjust other times he doesand it onand purpose like its a game to see if he can get a big reaction .He also gets some anxiety especially when away from me or somewhere new.
Sorry that was long winded.
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Proce3
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:21 PM

 I really do more hugs & kisses than anything. Funny, my 10 year old son is still willing too. LOL

Tough love all the way!!!

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