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Newly diagnosed Adhd

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 11:42 AM
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My 12 yo was just diagnosed w/ true Adhd, major depressive disorder and a learning disability.  He has been in CBT for 6 mos w/ no improvement.  Changing his Dr soon hoping to see some change.  Has anyone else had a theripist tell u that u need to change the way u raise ur child now that he is considered disabled??  Let him walk all over u and do not disapline bad behavior?!

by on May. 24, 2013 at 11:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Grammie_j
by on May. 24, 2013 at 2:41 PM
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My grandson is also 12 and has ADHD and learning disabilities. The main thing we've had to change is that he needs more structure. I don't know specifically what they told you to change so it's hard to know what to say. 

Welcome to the group!

Jacque


XXAdoramydearXX
by on May. 24, 2013 at 3:00 PM
3 moms liked this

I had to change. My son does better with a routine. Believe it or not it will make your life easier.

shy49
by on May. 24, 2013 at 4:52 PM

The therapist he sees now wants us to reduce stress to the point of not making him do homework and not taking away video games, tv ect for punishment although he has failed the whole school yr because of that decision.  Hoping the new therapist actully works w/ him instead of giving him excuses like " you are disabled"  I really don't beleive any child should be treated any differently when it comes to growing and learning daily lessons.  He will still have to overcome and, not wallow in the pity party this therapist has caused!  Thank you for replying I am glad for any feedback from others who have been here it's really hard somedays to know what is the right thing to do.

lazyd
by on May. 26, 2013 at 12:27 AM
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My son sees a therapist once a week and she tells my 11yo son NOT to use adhd as an excuse!!  I would definitely be lookin for a different therapist if you can.  BUT i do understand the point of NOT doin homework or taking away videos games - to a point.

My son has an IEP.  For the next school year, go to the special ed dept and have them do an IEP for your son.  For the 5th grade this year, my son did all his "homework" at school with one on one help in math and reading/writing.  There was NO WAY i was doin homework at home with him.  At the end of the day - neither him nor i had the patience to do his homework!!  By the end of the day, my son's meds had worn off and I'M not smart enough to do his 5th grade math!  Seriously.  For next year in the 6th grade, my son will be in a very small class for a couple of hours where they just work on math and reading/writing and than his last period of the day will be his "winding down" class where they do homework or get organized and it's going to be a room where he can go if he needs to calm down, etc.  This way we won't have to do any homework at HOME next year!  

As for the video games - my son has his tablet that he watches basketball videos and plays minecraft.  Now, playing on the tablet allows my son to get calm and to remain calm in stressful situations - the tablet basically goes with us everywhere - EXCEPT school.  It allows my son to "tune out" the world cuz he get a lot of anxiety and is on meds for it.  BUT having the tablet is also a "punishment" tool.  IF my son DOES misbehave the tablet is the first thing to be taken away.  If my son starts to act up the tablet is the gone in a heart beat and my son has to spend time in his room alone with nothin to do.  

I know people say to much electronics ruin a kids brain, but with adhd kids' brains move faster - just like watchin a video is fast, so it actually keeps them occupied better.  Granted i dont let my son have his tablet or xbox 24/7.  My son actually does get tired of them and goes and plays basketball outside on his own.

But my son's teachers and school psychologist and principal have never let my son get away with any thing at school if he acts up.  My son gets the same "punishment" as every other kid who acts up/out.   

MamiJaAyla
by on May. 26, 2013 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this

CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.  Seems like whoever this dr. is they are NOT really doing CBT.  CBT is ALL about consequences (positive and negative)

Adjusting HW - that makes sense for most add and SLD kids.  Really do you NEED to do 30 problems to show mastery... won't 10-15 show whether you can do it or not.  And if not then what the point of practicing how to do it wrong.  KWIM.  HOWEVER that needs to be on a 504 / IEP (modified HW, extended time for assignments etc.) or else it WILL affect the grade.

If its on there teachers CANNOT give lower grades b/c the H.W. is not "on time" unless its past the extended time date.

DDDaysh
by on May. 28, 2013 at 4:06 PM
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 Maybe the guy you were working with wasn't explaining it well. 

But yes, you do have to change the way you parent with non-NT kids.  And yes, especially at first, this means letting alot of bad behaviors slide while focussing on other areas.  That is a very common part of adjusting your parenting. 

Quoting shy49:

The therapist he sees now wants us to reduce stress to the point of not making him do homework and not taking away video games, tv ect for punishment although he has failed the whole school yr because of that decision.  Hoping the new therapist actully works w/ him instead of giving him excuses like " you are disabled"  I really don't beleive any child should be treated any differently when it comes to growing and learning daily lessons.  He will still have to overcome and, not wallow in the pity party this therapist has caused!  Thank you for replying I am glad for any feedback from others who have been here it's really hard somedays to know what is the right thing to do.

 

DDDaysh
by on May. 28, 2013 at 4:08 PM

 Yes, but CBT also generally starts, especially with more severe cases, with trying to manage no more than 3 behaviors at a time.  You don't try to overhaul everything a 12-year-old is doing "wrong" because it overloads them and the therapy just goes out the window. 

It does sound like the therapist and the parents weren't communicating effectively here though, so a new therapist is a good idea no matter what. 

Quoting MamiJaAyla:

CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.  Seems like whoever this dr. is they are NOT really doing CBT.  CBT is ALL about consequences (positive and negative)

Adjusting HW - that makes sense for most add and SLD kids.  Really do you NEED to do 30 problems to show mastery... won't 10-15 show whether you can do it or not.  And if not then what the point of practicing how to do it wrong.  KWIM.  HOWEVER that needs to be on a 504 / IEP (modified HW, extended time for assignments etc.) or else it WILL affect the grade.

If its on there teachers CANNOT give lower grades b/c the H.W. is not "on time" unless its past the extended time date.

 

MamiJaAyla
by on May. 31, 2013 at 5:34 PM

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Yes, but CBT also generally starts, especially with more severe cases, with trying to manage no more than 3 behaviors at a time.  You don't try to overhaul everything a 12-year-old is doing "wrong" because it overloads them and the therapy just goes out the window. 

It does sound like the therapist and the parents weren't communicating effectively here though, so a new therapist is a good idea no matter what. 

Quoting MamiJaAyla:

CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.  Seems like whoever this dr. is they are NOT really doing CBT.  CBT is ALL about consequences (positive and negative)

Adjusting HW - that makes sense for most add and SLD kids.  Really do you NEED to do 30 problems to show mastery... won't 10-15 show whether you can do it or not.  And if not then what the point of practicing how to do it wrong.  KWIM.  HOWEVER that needs to be on a 504 / IEP (modified HW, extended time for assignments etc.) or else it WILL affect the grade.

If its on there teachers CANNOT give lower grades b/c the H.W. is not "on time" unless its past the extended time date.

 


True. I didn't think about the fact that perhaps there were other behaviors that were considered more vital that may have been focused on. I just looked at OP's comment of no consequences and ASS-u-med that she was being all inclusive. My bad. Sorry
DDDaysh
by on May. 31, 2013 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 Haha, well I grew up with a brother who occasionally punched holes in walls and hit, etc.  Serious anger issues! 

At some point it became necessary to give up on small things, like doing homework, to be able to manage bigger ones.  Alot of times parents become so frustrated it becomes difficult for them to prioritize.  You see it all the time when parents sort of "snap".  Then the kid goes to school and says, "Mom grounded me for a month because I slammed the door!"  When really, Mom should have let the door slamming go, but she was already at her wits end because of the last three fist fights, blowing a hole through the ceiling with a shot gun, and breaking all the glasses in the cupboard when you had a fit about being punnished for blowing a hole in the ceiling. 

So, it can often be good to decide, ahead of time, what you're going to attack and what bad behaviors you're just going to let go. 

Quoting MamiJaAyla:


Quoting DDDaysh:

 Yes, but CBT also generally starts, especially with more severe cases, with trying to manage no more than 3 behaviors at a time.  You don't try to overhaul everything a 12-year-old is doing "wrong" because it overloads them and the therapy just goes out the window. 

It does sound like the therapist and the parents weren't communicating effectively here though, so a new therapist is a good idea no matter what. 

Quoting MamiJaAyla:

CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.  Seems like whoever this dr. is they are NOT really doing CBT.  CBT is ALL about consequences (positive and negative)

Adjusting HW - that makes sense for most add and SLD kids.  Really do you NEED to do 30 problems to show mastery... won't 10-15 show whether you can do it or not.  And if not then what the point of practicing how to do it wrong.  KWIM.  HOWEVER that needs to be on a 504 / IEP (modified HW, extended time for assignments etc.) or else it WILL affect the grade.

If its on there teachers CANNOT give lower grades b/c the H.W. is not "on time" unless its past the extended time date.

 


True. I didn't think about the fact that perhaps there were other behaviors that were considered more vital that may have been focused on. I just looked at OP's comment of no consequences and ASS-u-med that she was being all inclusive. My bad. Sorry

 

Verrine
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 7:32 AM

Welcome to the group! We've been there or we are heading wherever you are. We try to be supportive.

I laughed at this response. Yep, it is so easy to lose OUR cool over one bad/ridiculous thing piled on top of a whole mess of them. And then the kid doesn't know what is the priority bad behavior!

No consequences is NOT the right lesson. "You are disabled," is a cop-out. My friends have a severely delayed kid (our district is paying for him to be at a special ed private school) who has always had consequences and rewards. You have to be creative and remember that he is emotionally younger (common with ADHD) and isolate what you want to treat and REMEMBER the larger goal, whatever it is that you set for him and for you.

PRAISE a lot. (I constantly forget this.) Your goal is 4 positive comments for each negative one. (I'm lucky is I remember to say 1 positive one!) Any progress he makes is good. Get basic star stickers and make a chart. He gets one he puts on there himself for whatever behavior you're working on. That's a visual record for both of you. He is 12 hormonally and maybe 9  or 10 emotionally. My son has consistently been about 2 years behind and is more emotional than most kids anyway. 

My son is in CBT, too. We think it is good for him to talk with a therapist. At first, he was working on social skills. Well, he can't apply the ideas. He can't even recognize when he should be applying the ideas! We've decided that now he should work on his anxiety. There has to be good communication with the therapist by both the parent and child.  

Quoting DDDaysh:

At some point it became necessary to give up on small things, like doing homework, to be able to manage bigger ones.  Alot of times parents become so frustrated it becomes difficult for them to prioritize.  You see it all the time when parents sort of "snap".  Then the kid goes to school and says, "Mom grounded me for a month because I slammed the door!"  When really, Mom should have let the door slamming go, but she was already at her wits end because of the last three fist fights, blowing a hole through the ceiling with a shot gun, and breaking all the glasses in the cupboard when you had a fit about being punnished for blowing a hole in the ceiling. 

So, it can often be good to decide, ahead of time, what you're going to attack and what bad behaviors you're just going to let go.  

 

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