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Back Again and In need of advice again...
posted to The Science Spot Forum
in The Science Spot
on Nov. 5, 2009 at 9:52 PM
- 7 Replies
- 67 Total Views
My son has been bullied for a while at school. He has recently been having anxiety attacks and was given the prescription Buspar for when he has the attacks. He just got the prescription yesterday but didn't need it today so thats good. And we have addressed the bullying with his teacher and the principal. The principal spoke with the boys picking on him yesterday and today had an assembly about keeping your hands feet and other objects to yourself.
But this afternoon my dh calls me and tells me that he thinks that Dylan should go to a different school. I disagreed with him and we argued about it for a while. But we compromised and decided that we should talk to our son about it before any final decisions are made. So I talked to him and he said that he wanted to go to a different school. So I asked him if people were still picking on him today and he said that the boy that makes fun of him wasn't there today. And he also said that no one played with him on the playground today. I asked him if he changed schools what about his friends and he said that he didn't have any. It's heartbreaking that he is having so much trouble especially since he's only in the third grade.
He hasn't been doing his schoolwork but it's not because he doesn't understand it. He is very smart and picks up on things very quickly and it typically takes him 2 minutes to finish his math homework without any wrong answers. So I am pretty sure his difficuly making friends and the problem with the mean ones is connected.
I asked him if he thought it would be easier to make friends at a different school. And he said yes. But honestly I don't know if it will be easier because he kind of has a strange demeaner around kids. When he see's someone he knows he gets into a stance like a playful I'm going to pounce you stance and I have noticed that most of the time based on the kids reaction they don't like it or they are looking at him like he's crazy. And he says that the kids call him freak at school.
Do I try to find a different school?, Do I homeschool?, Online school, Keep him there even though dh doesn't want him to stay and he doesn't want to stay? I am at a loss and need some advice.
I also forgot to mention in order to even get him to a different school I have to manage to get his current principal to agree, the principal at the other school to agree, and fill out alot of paperwork. So it's a long drawn out process so that probably by the time I could ger him moved school will almost be over so I don't even know if it is even worth it to try because we are moving to a different town anyway over the summer.
My husband though thinks that it is and is really afraid that if we don't that dylan could try to hurt himself because our son came up to us one day after an anti-depression med commercial ended and said that he feels like the people in the commercial sometimes. I told his ped all of that too but she wanted to try the buspar first before giving him zoloft.
I wish i could contribute more to this group than my problems.
Replies:
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- by on Nov. 6, 2009 at 2:03 AM
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I'm going to be thinking about this and will come back and answer tomorrow, but I need to get to bed now! I hope you get some good advice in the interim.
Spot Something Cool at the Science Spot.
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- by on Nov. 6, 2009 at 12:51 PM
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Apply peer pressure.
Get him to document exactly what this guy is saying and doing. Time, locations, direct quotes.
Find the name of the bully and contact details for the parents of the bully.
Go around to their house to visit them. Take a friend or two of yours, for moral support.
Be very polite, just present the facts, and make it clear you don't blame the parents, and are asking their help to work with you on the problem. Shame them by being nice about it. Say how depressed it has made you son, the change in his school work, how you dread the option of having to move school or possibly even house to get away from her son.
Where you go from there depends on the reaction you get.
If the parents cooperate and give their son hell, then problem solved.
If the parents get defensive, then start applying pressure. A motion at the PTA. A letter from a lawyer. A talk with their church leader. Visits to their neighbours, if you have to. Embarass the heck of out them. Be a pain in the ass. Let your son know he is not fighting alone - that you're a team.
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- by on Nov. 6, 2009 at 6:45 PM
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I think that there are two problems here. One is that your child is being bullied, and that is something that needs to be addressed. The second thing is that your son doesn't seem to understand how to interect with his peers. He needs to learn social skills. If he doesn't, then moving to a new school won't make any difference, because this problem is just going to follow him. If you homeschool, you'll just be avoiding the problem instead of treating it.
I think that you need to move beyond your pediatrician. It doesn't make sense that you'd only take the buspar when he has an anxiety attack. It's not like valium, where it addresses one-off events. It needs to be continually in your system in order to have any effect. Your pediatrician can't help you with the social skills development. I feel really bad bringing this up again, but I'm still feeling Asperger's with him. Which isn't a bad thing---please don't think that I'm trying to say that I think that there is something wrong with him. It's just a...thing. Here's the technical criteria for it. It's kind of confusing, but you choose 2 criteria from group A and 1 from group B. I'm not a psychologist; I just work on research proposals for autism researchers a lot, and my husband does autism research, so I know a bit.
I'm so sorry that he's hurting. It makes my heart ache. I hope you find the decision that brings him happiness.
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- by on Nov. 6, 2009 at 7:23 PM
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Should we see a psychiatrist? I read the link you sent me a few things stood out but not all of it. Do I ask the school to evaluate? I mean IDK. My dh isn't helping the situation because he thinks that ever since the bully got in trouble people are going to think Dylan is a tattle tale and wont be friends with him. He feels like he needs a fresh start. But if we go that route I suppose I can ask for an evaluation from the new school because when we got my youngest evaluated it took almost a whole year to get his IEP.
Quoting evwsquared:
I think that there are two problems here. One is that your child is being bullied, and that is something that needs to be addressed. The second thing is that your son doesn't seem to understand how to interect with his peers. He needs to learn social skills. If he doesn't, then moving to a new school won't make any difference, because this problem is just going to follow him. If you homeschool, you'll just be avoiding the problem instead of treating it.
I think that you need to move beyond your pediatrician. It doesn't make sense that you'd only take the buspar when he has an anxiety attack. It's not like valium, where it addresses one-off events. It needs to be continually in your system in order to have any effect. Your pediatrician can't help you with the social skills development. I feel really bad bringing this up again, but I'm still feeling Asperger's with him. Which isn't a bad thing---please don't think that I'm trying to say that I think that there is something wrong with him. It's just a...thing. Here's the technical criteria for it. It's kind of confusing, but you choose 2 criteria from group A and 1 from group B. I'm not a psychologist; I just work on research proposals for autism researchers a lot, and my husband does autism research, so I know a bit.
I'm so sorry that he's hurting. It makes my heart ache. I hope you find the decision that brings him happiness.
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- by on Nov. 8, 2009 at 1:18 PM
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Sounds like your school is trying to do the right thing. IDK It was our experience that complaining about bullying only gets your child and you labeled as problems. Often the school will do just enough to publicly appear as though they are handling it when in reality it is still allowed to happen. We paid for 4 months of therapy for our child which helped some, but when the school refused to punish the offender the therapy was useless. You can defend yourself all day but it doesn't stop it.
Homeschooling has allowed us to take the bully factor out of the mix. Grades do suffer when kids don't feel safe at school, now the kids are excelling and feeling alot more confident.
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- by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 8:09 AM
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Put him in a self defense course so he can protect himself Good Luck
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