Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

the term "step" mother

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 9:34 AM
  • 3 Replies
  • 356 Total Views

what does the term stepmother mean to all of you? the bm told me once that i will only ever be her daughters sm and that as a "step" mom my sd will never have that close of a bond as she does with her bm and just all kinds of shit bashing me and my role as a step parent, and for awhile i was really hurt by the remaks she had made then i thought about the term "step" mom and this is what i told the bm that it really meant

yes i am her "step"mom, i will never know what it was like to give birth to her and unfortunetely she will always have a bond with you,but being a sm is just fine with me because i have the opprotunity to give my love to this child that you just cast aside because you thought the world had more to offer you, i stepped up and took in a child that wasn't mine and i love her unconditionally just as i do my bio. children. i stepped up when you turned your back and ran! so yes i am a "step" mom and i am damn proud to be!!

by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 9:34 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-3):
laird6372
by Group Owner on Jan. 27, 2009 at 10:31 AM
YOU GO! When I'm not on here, I call her my Bonus Daughter or just my daughter (I'd type BD, but I believe that's Birth Dad). She says I'm her "bonus" momma. I told her that the reason I call her my "bonus" is because when I fell in love with her father, I met her and fell in love with her, and she was a "bonus". She is such an amazing little girl, and I love her so much! She has told me, and others, that she wishes I was her momma. But, I am, whether I am by blood or by heart. And if we get custody, she will know it, because she will be with me and her mother won't be able to say things like "They don't love you as much as me because you never see them" and her stupid crap like that. SD is smart enough to KNOW we love her, despite what her mother says.

bouncing momHeather
Proud momma of 3 kids, two of my own and one who didn't grow in my belly but has taken over my heart!

GlockMom
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 11:19 AM

The term stepmother has 2 different meanings to me.

1.  I step up and take care of what the other 2 Bio mothers either can't or won't do.  I take their sons to doctor appointments, sporting events, my work functions (I am proud of my family, my company has many events that they love to see family and spouses involved with).  I take care of school supplies, clothes and conferences.  I take care of any emotional changes that come up (both boys are going through puberty, so they take a lot of thought on my part to help them, but I am the only one around either one that doesn't tell them to just "suck it up" when they are having a tough time dealing with life).  I am stepmom, hear me roar!!!  I am the mom that they need, even when they may have not wanted it.

2.  I have been stepped on by so many people it isn't even cute anymore!  BM1 has attacked me in my home, on my lawn and the verbal attacks are countless.  SS16 in the past only saw that I had upset his defenseless mother (she is very good at manipulating him into seeing things her way).  BM2 is passive, she has lied about my origin of the relationship I have with hubby.  She told SS13 that the reason his Dad divorced her was because he met me.  She threw hubby out for her boyfriend to move in.  Hubby met me 2 months after her boyfriend moved in.  Both of the boys now know the truth about how the past really was.  SS13 knows that his mom lied to him about me to make him hate me.  She thought I would leave if SS acted bad enough so she could get back together with his father.  SS16 now knows that the only time anything ever happens is because his mom attacks me, and all past incidences happened because of her coming to my home and instigating the attack.  Hubby has (still does occasionally) used me as a free baby sitter, an ATM to pay debts for his children (CS), a negotiator between both BM, an emotional scapegoat for not dealing with either BM the way he should have stepped up to himself.  I have been stepped on by both SS.  Both have tried at some point to act so badly toward me to get me to leave so their mother could be together with their father.  Their mothers had both convinced that their father was not providing enough money to them, that I would not allow them more financial help.  Both were getting the percentage of hubby's income the state said they should get.  They told the boys that I make a lot of money, that it is my responsibility to help my husbands kids.  The BM both wanted me to pay child support to them voluntarily since the state can't make me.  I get stepped on me no more (for the most part).  Both boys have learned that I am here to stay, and that I am the only consistent adult female that either one of them have in their lives.  SS16 is in the process of trying to leave his mothers home (he can't handle her mental illness anymore) and SS13 left his mothers home to live with us almost 3 years ago.  That should tell them something about me.  They all thought I was weak, but I have gotten back up and succeeded everytime anyone has knocked me down and tried to walk all over me.  Try to step on me, you just may get stepped all over yourself.

regan888
by Group Admin on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:37 PM

you girls ROCK!!! you are all such awsome mamma's and the bm's know that when it comes to loving and providing for those kids you got them beat hard core and they are scared!!!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)