Humorscope Feb 13

[frndlyfn]

 

 

 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will invent a new sort of optical illusion today, involving 6 straight lines, an

 assortment of blobs, and a picture of an iguana. Everyone will gasp in amazement.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Although you will attempt to thwart your obsession (tying things up with twine) by

avoiding twine for the entire day today, it will continue to plague your thoughts. In other

words, you will not knot for naught.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

High winds today. Good day to try out your new cement kite!

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will take a wrong turn, today, and become hopelessly lost. Eventually you will start a

new life in Minnesota, along with all the other people who have little sense of direction. It'll

be ok, providing you like tuna casserole.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

As Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you go, there you are." Oddly, this will not be

 entirely the case for you, today.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right,

and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much

 more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them

. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad." It's something to do.)

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Today you'll go buy a white jacket, and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of

 Disco! And you'll be successful, too! Yes, over the course of your life, you'll get literally several

 people interested.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will overhear a whispered conversation, regarding how cute it is the way someone

wiggles their tushy when they walk. You will have an uncomfortable feeling that they may be

referring to you. This may make you a trifle self-conscious.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That's not something you

should try to deal with yourself -- call in the professionals.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up "heads", "tails", "heads", "heads". Then

someone will come up and say "hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a

 coincidence, though, in this case.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Good day to wear overalls and discuss bean farming with retired people at a diner or

 family-style restaurant. Or at least, that's a lot more fun than what you'd be doing otherwise.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your neighbor thinks his dog is so smart, it's starting to bug you. The thing to do is cover

a book with a book cover that says "Quantum Physics for Dogs", and train your dog to lay

next to it, along a pad of paper covered with scribbled equations and a chewed-on pencil...

[1busymomma03]

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Although you will attempt to thwart your obsession (tying things up with twine) by

avoiding twine for the entire day today, it will continue to plague your thoughts. In other

words, you will not knot for naught.

[melaniecerise]

aquarius- I am not quite sure I want to do that

[frndlyfn]

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

High winds today. Good day to try out your new cement kite!

[gmadiane]

funny