Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your plans for a do-it-yourself replica medieval catapult will arrive today! Soon, your neighbors will become nervous (but you can explain that their fears are groundless -- you couldn't possibly hit anything that close with it).
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will learn how to tell the difference between an octopus and a cuttlefish. Aside, that is, from the octopus' greater problem solving capability.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware of midget bookies, today. It's ok to get one of those tiny little poetry books, though, if you feel you really must.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware of unwarranted electrical assumptions today. On the other hand, a shower of sparks and a bit of ozone can be fairly exciting...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will discover an ancient stone tablet on which mystic runes are carved. Oddly, when you find someone to translate them from Old Norse, it will turn out to be a collection of moose jokes.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to run a new metaphor up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Despite protests from a variety of organizations, you will organize a charity event called a "squid fling." Due in part to excellent media coverage, you will be quite successful. Mostly, though, you will succeed because nearly everyone has a secret desire to fling a squid.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to try impressing someone in authority. Why not show them how good you are at making under-arm noises? That's always good for making a lasting impression.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today an ecologically-minded organic foods co-op will move into your home, while you're away. You'll be smelling whole-wheat fig bars for months, even if you succeed in extricating them. (Which is unlikely, in today's political climate. They need somewhere to hide. Have a heart.)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
While attempting to stifle a yawn today, you will accidentally make a loud "smooching" sound. Try bringing out your pager, and saying "these new models sure have some interesting sound options, don't they?" I find that works well with several other forms of involuntary noises, as well.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
By careful detective work and a hidden pressure-sensitive scale, you will discover that the young woman next door weighs the same as a duck. Be careful! And if I were you, I'd put your duck on a diet.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
As a joke, you should put an 8-foot-tall mucous-covered "egg" in your friend's basement. Then, when he or she goes down to do a load of laundry...
Posted by
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 2:50 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies:
1-5 of 5 replies
1-5 of 5 replies
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Meet Kelseyciarah
This Virginia mom never wanted to get married or have kids - but now she's a happy a SAHM of two little ones!
Advertisement
top 6 recovery foods
- frndlyfn
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 2:50 AM