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Hobbitswife PM complaint

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 8:29 AM
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 Just to keep you all in the loop.  I will post the original PM here for your attention.

First let me say that I know I am guilty of this as well, I got caught up in one of the debates, but I have bowed out and refuse to take part any longer.

I have noticed two particular group members, one being admin, have repeatedly accused people, and broken rules that are plainly stated with in the group and nothings been done. If it has, then its to no effect.

Deneen (NCmommy) and Lionesse seem to both be determined to make assumptions and twist words in almost every post they are a part of. There is one post right now, that half the replies are Deneen griping because someone used something she said to start a topic. This has happened in several threads. If it was just here and there on occasion, it wouldn't be a big deal but the fact that one of these ladies happens to be admin of the group reflects badly on the entire admin team. 

On of the guidlines in the group very specifically states that assumptions of motives will not be tolerated yet these two particular women seem to do it in almost every post.

"An attack of character or assumption of someone's motives will not be tolerated. If this happens, you will be asked to remove your posting. If the posting is not removed within 24 hours, an admin will remove it for you and let you know that they did."

I understand this is a debate group, I understand things get heated sometimes because we are all passionate about things. But its frustrating for the group members when every time you respond you have to wonder how its going to get twisted because others have a hard time being disagreed with.

Please don't think I'm trying to tattle or gripe. I'm just concerned because its hard to enjoy a group when things like this keep on.

Thank you.

Malinda

by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 8:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
madetobeamom
by Group Owner on Jun. 26, 2010 at 8:32 AM

 Here is my reply back to her.

Malinda?!?  Is that you?  Didn't you have a different profile name?

Thank you for your message.  I'm doing alot of changes both with the group at large and with my admin team.  From here on...please just abide by the guidelines as presented and keep me updated with any issues  or concerns in the form of a PM or an abuse report.  I'm no respector of person's when it comes to admins or members.  I try to handle all fairly. 

Please continue to add our group and enjoy!

~Rachel

madetobeamom
by Group Owner on Jun. 26, 2010 at 8:34 AM

 Here's her reply back to me.

yes its me :-) I had to delete my account a few months ago because of a crazy girl I know IRL was basically stalking me. I used to be abbynzachsmommy and before that I was mommy2abbygrace

 

morningdove831
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Well, I think like Rachel has said, there has been some history in the past with troublemakers.  I think Deneen catches the most junk because she got caught in it before.  (I hope it's ok for me to say that). 

Deneen, I will say I love your debate topics and your lively attitude.  You are fun and I enjoy being a fellow Admin with you.  :) 

I say let those who want to leave, leave.  Debate groups are no fun when there's drama. 

AutumnDreamer
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 10:05 AM

I have also experienced the same thing from Lioness, not just in this group but in another group as well.  I would like to post an example, from this group just recently.

This was the statement I made:

Quote:

Hubby and I are getting a policy on him that will cover me for a number of years should something happen to him, so if I need  to go to school for something I would have the option.

This was her response, and where I tried to correct her misunderstanding in red

Quote:

The only way I got here is because I relayed on God while I was out working and pulling my own weight.  I think you are misunderstanding what I was saying, I am not saying that my husband is getting a policy so that if he dies I can sit around doing nothing, and I resent that if you felt like that is what I was saying b/c you obviously weren't reading what I wrote. I read what you wrote and that's the impression I got with your wording.

THis has been my experience for quite a while, I clearly said the insurance money was so I could go to school if I needed to yet she somehow read that it was so I could live it up on my husbands insurance money.

I have discussed with her in PM that I say what I mean and I mean what I say, and if she has a question about something I wrote to ask and I will explain it further, she chooses not to do that and chooses to read into what she wants to see.  I believe Deb has issues with her exhusband that she has not resolved and it clouds her perception of those who speak freely about their marriages being happy.  She is bothered by the fact that she was unprepared when her husband left her, and I completely understand that I do, but she seems to think that anyone who is married and is not preparing for the worst needs to be corrected.  I feel that she is bothered by the fact that others have marriage like what she had the only difference is we are happy where she wasn't, she seems to think that it can't be possible (she has stated this)

I remember Malinda, and her and I have always been on the same page with our beliefs, I don't know what the "history" is even though I have been here since before Deneen turned the group over, but can we really base this report as "history" IMO we need to clearly look at the posts of the last few days and base it off of that.

Tracy ~


morningdove831
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 10:17 AM

 

Quoting AutumnDreamer:

I have also experienced the same thing from Lioness, not just in this group but in another group as well.  I would like to post an example, from this group just recently.

This was the statement I made:

Quote:

Hubby and I are getting a policy on him that will cover me for a number of years should something happen to him, so if I need  to go to school for something I would have the option.

This was her response, and where I tried to correct her misunderstanding in red

Quote:

The only way I got here is because I relayed on God while I was out working and pulling my own weight.  I think you are misunderstanding what I was saying, I am not saying that my husband is getting a policy so that if he dies I can sit around doing nothing, and I resent that if you felt like that is what I was saying b/c you obviously weren't reading what I wrote. I read what you wrote and that's the impression I got with your wording.

THis has been my experience for quite a while, I clearly said the insurance money was so I could go to school if I needed to yet she somehow read that it was so I could live it up on my husbands insurance money.

I have discussed with her in PM that I say what I mean and I mean what I say, and if she has a question about something I wrote to ask and I will explain it further, she chooses not to do that and chooses to read into what she wants to see.  I believe Deb has issues with her exhusband that she has not resolved and it clouds her perception of those who speak freely about their marriages being happy.  She is bothered by the fact that she was unprepared when her husband left her, and I completely understand that I do, but she seems to think that anyone who is married and is not preparing for the worst needs to be corrected.  I feel that she is bothered by the fact that others have marriage like what she had the only difference is we are happy where she wasn't, she seems to think that it can't be possible (she has stated this)

I remember Malinda, and her and I have always been on the same page with our beliefs, I don't know what the "history" is even though I have been here since before Deneen turned the group over, but can we really base this report as "history" IMO we need to clearly look at the posts of the last few days and base it off of that.

 You make good points.  I'm a relatively new Admin so I will defer to you veterans.  I'll always offer my input, but y'all have been here longer and understand more of what's going on.  :)

 


       

NCMommy7
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 2:14 PM

I'll just state what I did before, there is history with Malinda and she was actually blocked from this group months ago as her other screenames. This was not just me that had problems with her like this, but many people. She has been thrown out of many debate groups. The things she is accusing me of in her post are exactly the same things that she does to other people...much sarcasm and rudeness on her part. She also likes to attack people that are admins that she doesn't agree with.

I think you handled it well, Rachel, with her you can't say a whole lot without her then attacking you. I have dealt with her and known her since 2007....this is just how she is. I am not saying that I don't get caught up with getting irritated by her - she is TRYING to irritate people, that's what she does.

Honestly, I am just trying to debate my side, not trying to make her mad or break any rules.

NCMommy7
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 2:21 PM

As far as Lionesse goes, she has been an admin of mine in many groups and has never been a troublemaker. She is a strong debater and doesn't back down. She has a lot of life experience, and as a result, it has caused her to be even stronger in what she thinks about things, which is understandable. She is fair though, if she agrees with you, she will tell you.


madetobeamom
by Group Owner on Jun. 26, 2010 at 8:45 PM

 Ladies...as admins...I expect us all to take the high road.  End debating with any such person who may bully you or press you to answer their question.  You have a right to debate when you want, answer questions when you want or not.  At the same time...I know you will all take the high road and not do the same with any of our members.  Please monitor very carefully that this type of behavior doesn't happen between members.  I love a good debate...but I don't like sideline arguments over moot points.  It's beyond me why we can't just state our opinions and let each other have them instead of picking each others words apart for sake of the argument.  If someone is misunderstanding your point...let it go...please.  This is from this day forward and I'm not going back to "fix" anything that is not either posted as an abuse report or a PM that is sent to any of you..that you in turn post in here.  Hopefully, now the whole group is on the same page. Malinda has been handled and we'll just move on from here.  This was an F.Y.I. post more or less.

NCMommy7
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 9:03 PM

Absolutely.

AutumnDreamer
by Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 9:41 PM

I have a question, how do we handle reports when we can't even agree amonst ourselves what is and isn't breaking a rule?  I am really not trying to be snarky, but it appears to me, and I can be guilty of this myself, that we all have certain people we click with and certain people we don't.  We have to be able to be impartial and see that our "freinds" are just as guilty of breaking rules sometimes as those we clash with.  My question is are we able to do that?  I closed the thread the other day b/c IMO Malinda and Lioness both started to go overboard in how they were talking to each other, but if we can't or aren't willing to admit at least to each other that everyone is capable of breaking the rules then what good are we?

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