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Feeling guilty and like a bad mommy but I really think this is best

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:34 PM
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My little girl will be two weeks old tommorow. We also have three other children ages 2 4 and 6. Well our baby immediately since birth has chewed to breastfeed and even with lactation consultation we ccant get her to latch properlly. As a result i'm in pain having to use a shield, and therefore shes not satisfied, yes shes gaining weight, but she is literally on the boob all day and as soon as you take her off even for a second shes rooting again, shes not really able to pull out the milk. So tommorow we will be starting formula. i feel like i'm cheating her or taking something away from her. But I feel it will be best for all of us, A. her she will feel full finally, b. me I will know that shes satisfied and actually be able to shower or grab something to eat without her crying for more food within ten seconds, a c. my other children will be getting the attention and care they need from mommy as well because i wont have a baby on the boob all day long. I will be slipping in feedings with the shield on as well in between the bottles until my supply is gone so she will still get some breastmilk for a while. So how do I deal with this guilt and make it go away????

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:34 PM
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Replies (1-8):
MrsKuhn
by New Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:36 PM
Don't feel bad, your no less of a mother or a bad person. But since you feel so bad could you pump?
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MiraclesxFour
by New Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:42 PM

I will be continuing to do feedings in between with the shield on, but I just cant fit the time in to pump and feed too

Quoting MrsKuhn:

Don't feel bad, your no less of a mother or a bad person. But since you feel so bad could you pump?


MrsKuhn
by New Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:44 PM
Sorry I was saying pump and feed instead of formula or the shield

Quoting MiraclesxFour:

I will be continuing to do feedings in between with the shield on, but I just cant fit the time in to pump and feed too


Quoting MrsKuhn:

Don't feel bad, your no less of a mother or a bad person. But since you feel so bad could you pump?


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Kari78
by Group Owner on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:03 PM

Oh ouch, that must be so painful!!  That would be really disappointing to me, too.  Have you seen multiple LCs?  I think I'd feel guilty too, even though things obviously can't go on like they are, so I'd make sure I'd done absolutely everything in my power to get it to work. 

One of the coolest things I've heard about is, you get in the bath with the baby and pretend she was just born.  You both relax, and let her lay on your belly/chest, and find her own way to your nipple (no guidance)...like the newborn breast-crawl (except she's 2 weeks old).  If she's able to latch on herself, maybe it will re-set the program, so to speak.  Have you tried anything like this before?

And I'm sure you've probably already seen this site, but I thought it couldn't hurt...

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/basics/latch-resources.html

Kari78
by Group Owner on Dec. 10, 2010 at 9:19 AM

Just thought of this site, too!

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBlatch.html

And btw, the latch can always be worked on and corrected in the future, even if you do have to start formula in the meantime!  So it doesn't have to be a totally lost cause...it's possible she could go on to have an excellent latch and go back to being totally breast-fed thereafter, if that's what you want.

My baby also had a very uncomfortable latch at first, and I also remember him being attached to the boob what seemed like 24/7!  I think that's just usually the way of newborns.  It was very overwhelming though, and I can't imagine what it must be like with 3 other kids!!  Good luck, I know it's hard...

new_mom808
by Member on Dec. 11, 2010 at 8:31 PM

 Have you breastfed your other children? I'm just trying to figure out if this is the normal "not satisfied" that ALL breastfed babies do, or if this is more. If she's gaining weight and you're getting enough diapers you really are doing fine.
That said, if you have to supplement or switch to formula, then do what you have to do. You just tell yourself that your baby got a solid 2 weeks of mama's milk and that's more than many babies get. You've done a wonderful job and any amount of breastmilk is a sucess.

sarasotamomtobe
by on Dec. 11, 2010 at 9:51 PM

I think you need to do what you feel is right for your family and if that is formula, so be it.  I say that upfront because I don't want you to feel that I am bullying you in any way, shape or form.  I just wanted to share my experience.  I couldn't get my daughter to latch on at all so I pumped for 6 months since she had a very hard time with formula.  With the high end pump, it really wasn't bad.  I pumped 4/5 times a day and it took about 15 minutes per session.  Just thought I would share in case that alternative would help with the guilt.   

Good luck either way!

cmuessig
by on Jan. 21, 2011 at 11:32 AM

I felt the same way at 2 wks. I thought I couldn't endure the pain and her constant want for more more more. But I got through it and I am glad I hung in there! I pumped and fed a lot too. I was so sore. My little one didn't chew though so I don't know if I would have been able to endure that. Do what you feel is best for you and your baby. You have got some great advice from the other Moms. Good Luck! :D

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