Tell me what you think so far....please

[GuitarAngel]

I gave you everything
I became who you wanted me to be
And you knocked me down
I gave it my all
But it didn't matter
You still knocked me down

Tell me what i did wrong
Tell me Why i wasn't enough
Tell me was it worth it
Tell me did it turn out the way you planned

I hope she was worth it
Was she worth it?
To give up everything
I gave it my all
but you still knocked me down
But this stupid girl got back up and gave it her all

Tell me what i did wrong
Tell me Why i wasn't enough
Tell me was it worth it
Tell me did it turn out the way you planned

You knocked me down
This time I didnt get back up
My world came crashing down
Everything was dark
I couldnt see the light
No matter how hard I tried

Tell me what i did wrong
Tell me Why i wasn't enough
Tell me was it worth it
Tell me did it turn out the way you planned

Tell me what i did wrong
Tell me Why i wasn't enough
Tell me was it worth it
Tell me did it turn out the way you planned
All I asked was to be loved
Not knocked down


    She puts the pen down,waiting. Waiting for him to come home. She looks at the clock one more time. Three o'clock in the morning. Training for work, thats what he told her, Who trains at three in the morning? Especially at a fast food restaurant? She gets up and goes and checks on the kids. Watching her two boys sleep is the only peace she gets these days. They are her only reason for happiness, the only thing that brings her joy. Her cell phone rings, it's him." Hey" She answers."Hey babe can you open the door?"he says in a slurred voice."Why can't you open it?" she asks as she walks toward the door."Oh i had a piece of machiner fall on my head and i can't reach it because im lying down on the from steps." She shuts her phone, he's lying there, she considers just closing the door again and locking it and leaving him out there. She helps him into the bathroom because he feels like he's gonna puke. He reeks of alcohol. Hit his head huh? She thinks yeah right. She helps him sit up so he can get to the toilet asking if he needs anything"stop nagging me bitch". so she just closes the door and walks to the bedroom. This isn't how it was suppose to be she thinks, She looks in his jacket which she took off of him when she brought him in. Goes through his wallet, finds the condoms that were in there that he put in there as a 'joke" are gone. She can hear him coming up with another excuse like before. " oh me and my buddies opened it and were throwing it at each other at work." She puts the wallet back and everything else in the place that it was in. She goes to the bed tkes a pillow and a blanket, and goes into her boys room. She makes a mmakeshift bed between her boys beds. She sleeps there theses days. Her oldest stirs as she settles down. He says "i love u mommy " in his only little mumbled words. Then he falls fast asleep again. She sits up and just looks at him. She starts crying her heart out. All she can think of is she wishes she could them both a better life. But theres no way out, no way at all. She lays down and cries herself to sleep like she has for far too many nights.

[Raichu]

 Gave me the chills, amazing write, i sorta feel this way sometimes. beaten down, but i get back up and pretend its okay.

[DivaNCali]

It's a good foundation, but I think it needs to be tightened up so that it'll flow better.  Try reading it out loud to yourself, so that you can actually hear it.

She puts the pen down,waiting. Waiting for him to come home. She looks at the clock one more time. Three o'clock in the morning. Training for work, thats what he told her, Who trains at three in the morning? Especially at a fast food restaurant?

She laid the pen on the table and looked at the clock.  3:00 a.m.  He told her that he was training for work.  Yeah, right.  Since when did fast food restaurants train employees at 3 o'clock in the morning?  She waited.