Did anyone else see the article in today's Wall Street Journal blaming Mr. Rogers for the negative effects of kids high self-esteem (i.e. narcissism)?
http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB118358476840657463-Ii1hGSQtFftrA34Uidc9pRmsIVY_20070803.html?mod=tff_main_tff_top
Do you think you're too child-focused?
http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB118358476840657463-Ii1hGSQtFftrA34Uidc9pRmsIVY_20070803.html?mod=tff_main_tff_top
Do you think you're too child-focused?
Posted by
on Jul. 5, 2007 at 4:45 PM
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by
New Member
on Jul. 7, 2007 at 2:36 PM
I grew up with Mr. Rogers. What happened to my high self esteem? I don't have that at all!
People constantly blame TV and video games for the faults in their children. I believe children with high self esteem who grow up to be bratty adults are not that way because of one TV show, but because of their environment. If parents allow their children to call them by their first names as the article said, and not respect their elders, of course they are going to think themselves as higher than everyone else.
I am not criticizing moms out their or anything, I just notice when I am out doing errands, how bratty children are. I have had many kids run up to my baby and start pulling his hair, and the parent does NOTHING. As you can see, this might not be Mr. Rogers.
It is always easier to blame someone else for our own mistakes in teaching our children, but maybe we should start taking responsibility.
(sorry for the rant)
Anyway, I know I spoil my kid, he is 8 months old and you can tell I cottled him too much. I'd like to blame the fact that we live in a studio apartment, and I have no way to really leave him alone to play (unless I hide in the bathroom), but I know it is my fault. I worry way too much about him already...I just hope I wont spoil him further in future years when you can really tell if a child is spoiled or not.
My question is, how do you not cottle a baby too much? How can you not want to cuddle with him all the time? Thats my problem.
People constantly blame TV and video games for the faults in their children. I believe children with high self esteem who grow up to be bratty adults are not that way because of one TV show, but because of their environment. If parents allow their children to call them by their first names as the article said, and not respect their elders, of course they are going to think themselves as higher than everyone else.
I am not criticizing moms out their or anything, I just notice when I am out doing errands, how bratty children are. I have had many kids run up to my baby and start pulling his hair, and the parent does NOTHING. As you can see, this might not be Mr. Rogers.
It is always easier to blame someone else for our own mistakes in teaching our children, but maybe we should start taking responsibility.
(sorry for the rant)
Anyway, I know I spoil my kid, he is 8 months old and you can tell I cottled him too much. I'd like to blame the fact that we live in a studio apartment, and I have no way to really leave him alone to play (unless I hide in the bathroom), but I know it is my fault. I worry way too much about him already...I just hope I wont spoil him further in future years when you can really tell if a child is spoiled or not.
My question is, how do you not cottle a baby too much? How can you not want to cuddle with him all the time? Thats my problem.
by
New Member
on Jul. 9, 2007 at 1:29 PM
Poor Mr Rogers! I have a soft spot for that guy and think he's a convenient person to blame.
There was an interesting (and related) cover story a few months ago in New York magazine about praising kids - how it can be detrimental to tell a child "you're smart". And there are better ways to praise a child - like "you studied really hard to get that grade - good job". I thought it was interesting research:
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
There was an interesting (and related) cover story a few months ago in New York magazine about praising kids - how it can be detrimental to tell a child "you're smart". And there are better ways to praise a child - like "you studied really hard to get that grade - good job". I thought it was interesting research:
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
by
New Member
on Jul. 11, 2007 at 2:22 AM
There's a fine line between encouraging your kids and spoiling them rotten... I think I've been on both sides of that line over the years. My kids are 16 and 17, and a little on the spoiled side (especially the youngest). I think the trick is to hold them responsible for their actions. A tough gig no matter how you approach it.
We have told our kids they are bright and capable (which they are) but we have also made it clear that they are required to do their best, and work hard. Their successes (and failures) have shaped who they are and who they are becoming as the approach adulthood. I think we did pretty well
I think it's great to let a child know he or she is special and wonderful, as long as we also teach them that they have to act on that in an ethical, productive way.
We have told our kids they are bright and capable (which they are) but we have also made it clear that they are required to do their best, and work hard. Their successes (and failures) have shaped who they are and who they are becoming as the approach adulthood. I think we did pretty well
I think it's great to let a child know he or she is special and wonderful, as long as we also teach them that they have to act on that in an ethical, productive way.
by
New Member
on Jul. 11, 2007 at 1:51 PM
I completely disagree with blaming Mr. Rogers. Particularly this part "..But what often got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being special comes from working hard and having high expectations for yourself..."
So my child is only special if they work hard and have high expectations for themselves? My daughter is special because God made her and sent her to me. She's special because she is, and because I say so. How frustrating for parents that belive this ridiculous-ness.
I'm not too child-focused, in fact, sometimes I worry that I don't play directly with her enough. She's independent and yet still relies on me for things she knows she can't do on her own, she's smart and absorbant and observant. She plays well by herself and really well with others in spite of being home with me the whole 4.5 years of her life. I take credit for some, but not for all of that and Mr. Rogers takes no blame or credit for her specialness or her sometimes ornery behavior. What a ridiculous notion - let's blame Mr. Rogers.
"Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may have been, he did a disservice."
Mr. Rogers started what the "litle creeps" parents should have finished. Supporting the children, reinforcing their specialness with rewards for good behavior and learning as well as punishments for bad behavior and whatever might turn them into true little creeps (or adult creeps).
I would suggest that the students that came to the professor feeling entitled to raising their grades to A's at the very last moment came that way because they're parents let them behave that way at home. Most likely the student has misrepresented their knowledge and deservedness of that A to their parents and the parents have continued the "you deserve the A" notion encouraging them to show up at his door with entitlement. I only hope he didn't give in to them.
Whew - I ramble.
So my child is only special if they work hard and have high expectations for themselves? My daughter is special because God made her and sent her to me. She's special because she is, and because I say so. How frustrating for parents that belive this ridiculous-ness.
I'm not too child-focused, in fact, sometimes I worry that I don't play directly with her enough. She's independent and yet still relies on me for things she knows she can't do on her own, she's smart and absorbant and observant. She plays well by herself and really well with others in spite of being home with me the whole 4.5 years of her life. I take credit for some, but not for all of that and Mr. Rogers takes no blame or credit for her specialness or her sometimes ornery behavior. What a ridiculous notion - let's blame Mr. Rogers.
"Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may have been, he did a disservice."
Mr. Rogers started what the "litle creeps" parents should have finished. Supporting the children, reinforcing their specialness with rewards for good behavior and learning as well as punishments for bad behavior and whatever might turn them into true little creeps (or adult creeps).
I would suggest that the students that came to the professor feeling entitled to raising their grades to A's at the very last moment came that way because they're parents let them behave that way at home. Most likely the student has misrepresented their knowledge and deservedness of that A to their parents and the parents have continued the "you deserve the A" notion encouraging them to show up at his door with entitlement. I only hope he didn't give in to them.
Whew - I ramble.
by
on Jul. 18, 2007 at 5:29 PM
let's keep the rambling coming LOL.
I over did it with my oldest; rocking her to sleep til she was 8 months old, taking my time when it was time to potty train, not being consistent with discipline, lots of things. But she was my first. I feel at times I've gone a bit to the other extreme with my youngest. She is a lot more independent but in the end it will all balance out. There's never ONE thing to blame. It's how you keep the lines of communication open with your children. I agree that it's important to tell them they are special but they also need to know that we expect they will do their best.
I over did it with my oldest; rocking her to sleep til she was 8 months old, taking my time when it was time to potty train, not being consistent with discipline, lots of things. But she was my first. I feel at times I've gone a bit to the other extreme with my youngest. She is a lot more independent but in the end it will all balance out. There's never ONE thing to blame. It's how you keep the lines of communication open with your children. I agree that it's important to tell them they are special but they also need to know that we expect they will do their best.
by
New Member
on Jul. 18, 2007 at 6:21 PM
How can we blame Mr. Rogers, or any other TV character/personality on our shortcomings as parents? Sure, I'm not perfect. Never said that I was. But I'm not going around saying that my daughter is spoiled and sometimes snotty because she likes to watch Power Rangers every afternoon. I know that it's me. I have control over what she's exposed to and what's tolerated behavior. Being that she's now 8 1/2 I have already set her patterns. I did hold her A LOT when she was a baby. So did her grandmother, my mom. She was a carried child until she was almost a year old. It's amazing that she ever learned to walk on her own. But I'm not going to be looking for others to blame when she's not the most well adjusted, well mannered little lady in the room. I don't hold her to that standard and don't think that people should assume that any influence, other than the people responsible for raising that child, should be blamed/praised for the end result.
That was kind of random ramble. But now I feel much better.
That was kind of random ramble. But now I feel much better.
by
New Member
on Jan. 27, 2008 at 11:14 AM
Ok well I didn't get past the first paragraph and already I'm thinking to myself "this is sure a load of poppycock (insert not so polite words here)"
Teaching kids that they're "special just the way they are" has NOTHING to do with a sense of entitlement in kids. Kids feel entitled because they're never told "No." My son is spoiled, I admit, but he understands that he doesn't get everything he wants. We just don't have the room or money to never tell him no. Besides, I was never told "no" when I was a kid, so I know the devastating effects of being a spoiled child. My husband on the other hand, grew up in a large and poor family and knows the word no all too well. But he's happy with what he has (for the most part) and I, usually, am not.
I too grew up on Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street and all the other kids shows at the time. My self esteem is not affected by any of them, my life experiences helped to make me who I am not the television shows I watched and can't recall.
Edit: And as far as us spending time with our kids and huggling and buggling them in my opinion, is better than ignoring them and replacing "love and time" with toys and stuff and activities to keep them busy out of our hair. So as far as I'm concerned, cuddle, snuggle, love up, hug your child as much as you want!! But tell them "no" once in a while :)
Rant over. :)
Teaching kids that they're "special just the way they are" has NOTHING to do with a sense of entitlement in kids. Kids feel entitled because they're never told "No." My son is spoiled, I admit, but he understands that he doesn't get everything he wants. We just don't have the room or money to never tell him no. Besides, I was never told "no" when I was a kid, so I know the devastating effects of being a spoiled child. My husband on the other hand, grew up in a large and poor family and knows the word no all too well. But he's happy with what he has (for the most part) and I, usually, am not.
I too grew up on Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street and all the other kids shows at the time. My self esteem is not affected by any of them, my life experiences helped to make me who I am not the television shows I watched and can't recall.
Edit: And as far as us spending time with our kids and huggling and buggling them in my opinion, is better than ignoring them and replacing "love and time" with toys and stuff and activities to keep them busy out of our hair. So as far as I'm concerned, cuddle, snuggle, love up, hug your child as much as you want!! But tell them "no" once in a while :)
Rant over. :)
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- jumpingmonkeys
on Jul. 5, 2007 at 4:45 PM