forget Valentine's .. . let's share how do you keep the spark? spice? romance? or just... how do you keep from killing each other LOL.

[proud2bmom3]

Assalamu alaikum sisters, alhamdulilaah, we have a post reminding us the Valentines is NOT a day of celebrations for Muslims, for so many reasons.. .. and dont' tell me it is an excuse to buy chocolate.. lol, hey, they go on sale from 50 to 70% Off right after Valentines. that is when I go buy that chocolate LOL..

but seriously.. there is no doubt that every relation ship needs work, and needs special days and special treatments.. to keep it going.. so since we have established that it should not just be one day a year.. how about you share with us some of your tips, or your mom's advice ( whether you follow it or not LOL) in order to keep the love alive. .. or like I said in the title, keeping you and your husband from jumping at each other's throats..lol..

( I know we have a similar post to this somewhere.. it doesnt' hurt to post again) ..

so go ahead... How do YOU do it?????

tolerance? romance? patience? happiness? what brings these to your marriage???

[EmmAlesh]

The biggest thing, I think, is all the small things.  I do what it is that makes him happy and his life easier.  He appreciates it and I appreciate all the small things he does for me, like buying my favorite drink on his way home, etc.  And I thank Allah for him and my family everyday.  Al 7amdulAllah.  That helps.

[muhajjirah]

'how do you keep from killing each other?' good question proud, LOL...

sometimes an ice-breaker like food works. the other day we were both in the kitchen..a comment here, a comment there..and argument was born over something silly enough that i can't even remember. i was making fries for the kids & placed one in his mouth-  he's not big on fries..but alhamdulilah the gesture worked..argument was over. :-) 

[proud2bmom3]

Patience patience patience..

if my husband is having a bad day. exhausted and just short tempered, I hold my tongue. and stay patient with him.. it soon blows over, and then gives me a chance to talk to him calmly about what happened..

I have learned through the years not to make a big deal out of little things.. sometimes men say things, they don't really mean what we hear out of them. subhana Allah, they are too literal. and are always eager to move on.. so I do just that. if it is important. I talk to him calmly about it some other day. if it is not. I just let it slide. but make a mental note about it, in case I need to refer to it later.. LOL...

I also remind my self of the good. and remind  my self of the high status Allah subhanhu wa t'aala gave the husband, and his rights upon me. ( especially when my husband is aware of my rights upon him)

this basically is what keeps us from killing each other LOL. maintaining respect, and having tolerance.. and most importantly, holding our tongues and walking away from a fight if we get too heated..

what adds to the marriage? doing things together that further our deen. alhamdulilaah. like reading Quran. or discussing a hadith, or what we  have learned today.. subhana Allah, there is much joy in that.

may Allah keep  us on the straight path, and forgive us our moments of anger, and grant us strength to be a good wife in this Dunia so we may be deserving of Jannah, Ameen.

(  Fairy tales are in books.. and movies... No one's life is perfect.. we all have our moments ( even days ) of mayhem.. but insha' Allah some of our sisters' tips can help us cope better.. .. )

[practicingislam]

 

Quoting muhajjirah:

'how do you keep from killing each other?' good question proud, LOL...

sometimes an ice-breaker like food works. the other day we were both in the kitchen..a comment here, a comment there..and argument was born over something silly enough that i can't even remember. i was making fries for the kids & placed one in his mouth-  he's not big on fries..but alhamdulilah the jesture worked..argument was over. :-) 

[ProudMuslimMa2B]

Lol.. Well I have only been married for a few months.. sometimes have arguments but we know things will work out. Sometimes we have to stop, sit down, and talk.. sometimes cry.. But a big thing to ease the daily tension is some form of affection.. feeding eachother.. kissing.. hugging. If I feel bad, I hug him.. lol I dunno if it bothers him that I randomly hug him. Just daily gestures usually help ease daily tension..

[muslimmom]

Quoting proud2bmom3if my husband is having a bad day. exhausted and just short tempered, I hold my tongue. and stay patient with him.. it soon blows over, and then gives me a chance to talk to him calmly about what happened..

I have learned through the years not to make a big deal out of little things.. sometimes men say things, they don't really mean what we hear out of them. subhana Allah, they are too literal. and are always eager to move on.. so I do just that. if it is important. I talk to him calmly about it some other day. if it is not. I just let it slide. but make a mental note about it, in case I need to refer to it later.. LOL...

I also remind my self of the good. and remind  my self of the high status Allah subhanhu wa t'aala gave the husband, and his rights upon me. ( especially when my husband is aware of my rights upon him)

this basically is what keeps us from killing each other LOL.  .. )

I agree with this part so much sis, I remember when my husband and I were about to get married the imam at are masjid talked to us. He told us the best advice I can give you is that when one of you looses your cool the other most remain calm.  I have kept this advice in my head and it has worked alhamduliah. When my husband is upset after work  or with something I hold it in as best I can and dont "fight back"  telling myself that I am doing this for Allah.  Then talk to him about it latter when he is calm and alot of times he ends up apologising to me.. NOW there has been times I loose my cool ( LOL) and he basically laughs at me or turns it  into a joke so it blow over well. 

salam alkum sisters  may Allah bless all of are marriages

[proud2bmom3]

BUMP!

[umsarah]

Well, one tip that I find very useful is not to say anything when you are really angry, just hold your peace till you can say something reasonable enough because once it's said, it cannot be unsaid. Also, when you are really mad at him, try to force yourself to remember one of the nice things he has done for you. This can make you feel better, and it really works during PMS,

[incogNinja]

Lol im no good at marriage but just wanted to say nice title :-p

[lovelife22]

 Anytime I get upset with him I think of the good things. When he is on my case I try not to lash out to my own defense. Once I've thought about it, he is just trying to help me with my Deen. And when we have feelings of love for eachother we say it, a lot and hug alot kiss alot, all through the day. Little things are a big deal! I even feel so appreciated when he thanks me for making his plate, it makes me feel special. When he changes a diaper I tell him how thankful I am that he helped. We really enjoy knowing the other needs us emotionally. When one of us is sad we go to Allah first, obviously, but we talk to eachother. We always know we are a team! A team has a common goal and everybody works towards it together. So no matter what we stick together. We have a goal, to serve and submit to Allah and we are going it as a team together! Alhamdulillah we really get along and have common interests and we feel very connected!