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Need Help for Hubby/Cleaning Tips

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:50 PM
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This is an odd group to post this in, but I need  little help/advice

If I try to post this in other groups I get responses I do not like such as, "why do you want to make him happy..it is not about him" 

I am a non- Muslim, so is hubby..BUT I truly believe his happiness equals my salvation (I do not know if that makes any sense, but it does to me)

Anyways..I have this problem..I clean and clean and get no where..and then my wonderful husband comes home..and I can just see it on his face...my home is not the relaxing place it should be for him..

Now, it is not child services bad..everyone has clean clothes and the dishes are washed daily..

I was raised in a filthy/abusive home..and hated it...when me and husband first got married our home was awesome..but after kids..well, I just do not know how to cope.

Day after day..I say I will just work harder...and I do...and I am barely staying afloat...And exhausted...

It has gotten so bad.. that I am still cleaning when hubby comes home...and when it is time for me to go be with him I am still cleaning and he has been falling asleep..That makes me feel the same as if he went to bed mad at me......and we are not guaranteed tomorrow..

But the thing is my husband understands and knows that I try..so he does not get mad...which makes me feel even worse!!!

I feel like I have been LUCKY to have a great husband...and I just cannot keep it together....he deserves better

Every day gets worse...I just was never taught to be the way I want to be..

I would some some advice/tips..ANYTHING

You can even give me Islamic advice, hadeeth..ANYTHING

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
beachmom0703
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:26 AM

awww housework & kids is sooo hard! what is it that is overwhelming? r the kids toys everywhere? if so designate an area JUST 4 toys...like they cant b in the living room but only in their room & maybe another designated area, this is what i do & it helps. as far as the deep cleaning i do once a wk...mopping dusting vaccum scrubbing the bathrooms then i just try 2 "pk up" the house through out the day & it general stays ok.  but honestly im sure ur hubby would rather come home 2 a HAPPY home rather than spotless & stressed wife.  & im the same way tho, my mom wasnt the best housekeeper & im exact opposite cuz i didnt want the house 2 always be messy. & i want my hubby to feel proud of his home...but NO ONE is perfect. dont be too hard on yourself...hope this helps. =)

beachmom0703
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:27 AM

oh & is ur hubby muslim? mine is but im not.

Rabiyal
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:51 AM

I know what you mean....my house is like that too....but what helps is give kids one corner, or a room to make their mess.  they can do whatever they want as long as they are there...

as for washrooms pick a day of the week when you scrub is down...for me its fridays I clean the sink n all but a good scrub is on the friday.

then comes your bedroom, first go the bathroom brush your teeth, clean the sink around your, come out and do your bed beds, kids beds, and if the kids bedroom is their play area then don't worry about it.  just leave that be

as for your family room if kids are not there just vaccume, and dust should do the trick

next big thing is kitchen....one way to keep the whole house clean is keep the food in the kitchen and only in the kitchen, I have an eat in kitchen and my kids know that they eat and then go play do their thing in the basement (that's their play area) otherwise they will be punised if i see food outside the kitchen.  then while cooking do the dishes from breakfast...so you r out of their with everything clean.  take your rest, eat something, watch tv or even take a nap for 10-20 mins it re-energizes you... trust me. 

I hope this helps.  I have also told my husband to call me before he leaves from the office cuz it gives me 30 mins to sweep the floor, warm the food, and freshen up the kids, and myself before he gets home everyone looks nice and clean.  and i am ready to put the food on the table when every1 can help set up the table.  and everyone can sit and eat together. 

oh and last thing, after eat, give the kids a bath if they haven't taken a shower, and clean their room, and put them to bed.  then come down and sit with your hubby watch tv, don't worry about the dishes from the dinner you can always do them tomorrow. 

 

-Cassandra-
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 1:03 AM

Well, number 1 if kids are able to do any of the work MAKE them do it.  Make sure they pitch in.  Kids are messy, and many of the messes in our homes tend to be kid created or kid oriented messes.  Make sure you have them clean up after themselves whenever possible and depending on their age they should be able to clean their own rooms, or help wash the dishes, clear the table, sweep a floor.  Just try to have them help you and if their old enough start delegating tasks.  Secondly, for me anyways I find that the further behind I get the more difficult it is for me to get back on track part of it is that the job becomes bigger and bigger as time goes on but the other part is that my mind gets scatterbrained and I don't know where to start so I end up going back and forth between getting this job done and that job done.  I find it helps to make a checklist (I print off monthly checklists for myself that have daily weekly and monthly tasks that need to be done.  Then I just go at it.  Sincethe jobs are sperated by room I usually just go through one room at a time until it's all clean and I've marked off everything on my checklist.  I get less distracted with doing this and that  and stick more with the task at hand when I have this.  Otherwise some good tips for keeping a house cleaner are to make sure that you don't have more things than you need.  Can you declutter anything?  Only keep things that you use on a daily basis out and the rest should have a home somewhere out of the way.  Designate areas that are ok to clutter.  For example having a dish or something that loose change and/or keys can go into.  Whenever your walking though a room (and your arms aren't already full) pick up something that needs to go near or where your going.  If you see a paper that needs to go in the recycling pick it up right away.  The little things help a lot even if you don't notice it at first.  Another good thing is time management.  For example say you like to watch the news everynight.  Start a laundry cycle so it will be out of the dryer every night in time to watch the news while you fold.  Or if your a morning soaps person do it then.  If you have a dishwasher place dishes in it right away as soon as your done eating then start it as soon as you can after getting as full (or near full) load.  Establish a pattern if you can so that you get into a habit of keeping things clean it usually takes about 3 months of a consistent behavior in order for it to become a second nature sort of habit so stick with it.  I sometimes would set goals for myself and then give myself small rewards for accomplishing them like if I stuck to my checklist for a whole month I would buy myself a new book to read or something else that I'd been wanting but wasn't necessary.  I don't know if any of those tips help or not but I hope you find something usefull out of it.

AishaTP
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 9:25 AM

Hi,

I totally understand what you are saying as some days can be harder than other days. I think that as mothers/wives we tend to be very hard on ourselves to strive for perfection. I tend to do this and my husband never says anything, just like yours. He says that I am always cleaning. I tend to put pressure on myself as I like everything clean and organized at all times. That being said, I think that you are doing the same and you should try to take it a bit easier as that's what I am trying to do as well. I have been cleaning one room a day and going around in a weekly circle. So when I get to the last room, the next week I start again from the very first room I cleaned. This usually works out well. If I have to go out early, then I don't clean that day. I may do a load of laundry right after breakfast and just leave the clothes in the dryer until I have time to fold and put them away. I hate to leave the house a mess when I am going out anywhere so I make sure that the dishes are washed and the toys are put away before leaving. I have a lot of the smaller toys in baskets in designated areas. I have the kids clean up when I see things getting too messy and before going out for the day. I know that's not always easy as my 5 1/2 year old son does it quickly, but my 2 1/2 year old daughter has a harder time with it. You can try to make it into a game to get the toys cleaned up before your husband comes home from work. I think that organization is the key and the less you have in the house for decoration the better it is on you in trying to keep it all clean. Also, I make sure that the only thing I have to do after we eat dinner is wash the dishes and that I do when I get the chance. Sometimes I have most done right after dinner and sometimes it's after putting the kids to sleep. I don't make daily checklists, but I heard that this really works well. You can make a daily routine chart for yourself and the kids as well. Well, I think that you are doing a very good thing in thinking about your husband and wanting the best for him. I think in the same way. Just try to relax a little more and put less pressure on yourself. It sounds like you are already doing the best that you can for your family. Keep smiling! :)

VeganMuslimah
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:50 PM

I actually got on www.flylady.com (or try .net or .org if .com doesn't work) and joined the mailing list... she emails you tips and stuff every evening for the next day. It's helping me a LOT

 

Pufferfishmom
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:53 PM

No we are both non-Muslim...It is me that has the Muslim tendencies

Quoting beachmom0703:

oh & is ur hubby muslim? mine is but im not.


Pufferfishmom
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:55 PM

I have tried that site..a very good site..Shine your sinks!! Perhaps I will give the site another try..

Quoting VeganMuslimah:

I actually got on www.flylady.com (or try .net or .org if .com doesn't work) and joined the mailing list... she emails you tips and stuff every evening for the next day. It's helping me a LOT



Pufferfishmom
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 1:09 PM

This is a huge problem for me..clutter..My husband is a bit of a clutter bug (not talking bad about him-he admits he has a problem)

My husband stores all of his clutter in places like closets ...and that means less room for our regular stuff..so all of his stuff is put away but I have no room to store blankets and winter clothes..

I try to sneak his stuff out to the garbage..like one thing at a time..because if he catches me he will bring it back in the house...maybe I should increase my efforts

Quoting -Cassandra-:Otherwise some good tips for keeping a house cleaner are to make sure that you don't have more things than you need.  Can you declutter anything?  Only keep things that you use on a daily basis out and the rest should have a home somewhere out of the way.  Designate areas that are ok to clutter.  


Pufferfishmom
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 1:11 PM

You are so organized..

Quoting AishaTP:

 

 


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