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I started to pray

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So for the first time in my life i'am praying. My hybby is muslim and i'am learning. Well about a week ago we started to pray together and its just beautifull. It brought me so much peace that i would never expected. I'am very pragmatic person and not really emotional but today i actually had a tears in my eyes.

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:59 PM
Replies (11-17):
bozobean
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 10:17 PM

It's great that he wasn't pushy about it. From what I understand, the rules are different for women though, that if a woman converts to Islam, but her husband doesn't after a certain time period, three months from what i've heard, they say she must divorce or separate. If i'm misinformed, feel free to let me know the right information. I put out a post in this group a while back, and was told pretty much that. I won't leave my husband, who is the love of my life just because he won't convert, if that be the case. I love my husband and want to be with him for life, so that's why I'm holding off converting until and unless he wants to also, so i'm hoping some day he'll take an interest and end up wanting to convert. It seems unfair to me, that if a nonMuslim woman marries a Muslim man, and she doesn't convert or within a short period of time, it's no problem, no pressure, but if it's the other way around and I convert and my DH doesn't, it's a problem. I don't take kindly to unfair double standards, so i'm hoping someone can tell me i'm just misinformed, and give me the correct information on this issue.

Quoting barunka050811:

You know we are together for 7 years and i also lived before for another 3 years with muslim roommates and friends so i heard about islam a lot  but it never occured to me that i will embrace it until maybe the last year and it was actually my daughter who made me think about it so much. She goes to islamic school so since pr-k they have islamic studies and quaran and she just loves it. She recites fatiha and some of the suras and it comes so naturally to her. i was actually learning with her and when we pray together i let her to say it since she is much better than me.

My hubby never pushed islam on me and i think that was very important he is very patient and i think that was the trick. I haven't said my shahada yet and also don't wear hijab in public but i know its a process and i will probably eventually get there.

So my advice talk with him about it but be patient.

Quoting bozobean:

Thank you, I appreciate that. 

thank you

Quoting safi:

Not off the top of my head, no , sorry :( but ive got 4 loud kids that have to be put into bed ASAP. Lol. Hmm, i think that it would be a nice idea if ALL the group members started a brain storming session with u :) and maybe we can help u come up with ideas!!

Quoting bozobean:

That's ok:) Yeah, i'm new to learning and researching about Islam myself, so one day when I start to do the prayers it will be me saying that. Before that, i've got to come up with some brilliant way to get my husband interested in Islam as well. Any genius ideas? LOL Insha'Allah some way or spark of interest will present it's self. I've prayed to Allah (swt) and put it in his hands. 

Quoting safi:

I didnt pay that much attention to the name lol -- i thought u posted this ;)



Quoting bozobean:

That's great that you found so much happiness. I'm happy for you:)





proud2bmom3 Group Owner
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

You brought tears to my eyes as well... (((hugs)))) 

GDIMOM
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 12:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Happy for you :)

muhajjirah Group Admin
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 5:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Hi Bozobean..

In Islam there is equity because the nature of men& women are different. there are rules which we share given to us by Allah and some which are gender specific. Allah does not favor men over women..or women over men and judges us based on the condition of our hearts. Id like to kindly inform you further than what you've provided. 

Muslim men are forbidden to marry women who do not believe in the One God, Allah. So they cannot marry women who are atheists, agnostics, hindus, buddhists, pagans..They are only allowed to marry women who are believers in monotheism, that there is One God- specifically Christians and Jews- known as 'People of the Book'.There are also different scholarly opinions based on whether they can marry 'People of the Book'in different circumstances. But the general rule is they are forbidden for marrying any woman who negates, denies or disbelieves in Allah. A woman who was a believer but loses faith must also be divorced. 

There are no double standards in Islam, none of us practicing Muslims who understand Islam would even come close to saying that and like you if there were double standards, many wouldnt take it lightly either. But because that isn't the case, we live our lives as Muslimahs with submission to God that God has designed us and given us life..so therefore we obey our Creator with full trust. This is the goal of our lives. 

As far as women who embrace Islam, it is an act that should be done for Allah and not for anyone else. Allah is more worthy of our attachment than our husbands, parents, family, children & all that. There are many women in history and today all over the world who embrace Islam and their husbands see such a positive change within them that they too are inclined of learning about Islam and therefore Allah guides them. Sheikh Yusef Estes and his wife are an example of that. His wife, Khadijah was so at peace with the idea of becoming a Muslimah that she approached her husband and told her what she was about to do- this was a major trial for her, but she put her trust in Allah and he followed suit and became Muslim because when he knew that she was going to have to divorce him that put the pressure on him in learning more. Once he learned more he embraced Islam for Allah and is now a lecturer across the world on Islam (He was a Christian Minister or something like that before too!). 

Ofcourse what you fear, has also happened to marriages as well. But the bottom line is that the more well-connected one is with Allah, the more trust one has and the more willing they are to submit to this ruling. In addition, in Muslim Marriages- the husband is responsible for so many things in family life..and Allah has given them a responsibility greater than the wives. They are responsible for making sure we have shelter, clothes, protection, and are basic needs and even an education. Even if we go out and earn an income they are not allowed to take our money nor are we required to spend on him or even our own children because this responsibility is on him in the sight of Allah. They are also to preserve our honor and no doubt treat us with compassion and mercy. Women on the other hand have roles as well- however if we look at human history anyone regardless of religious ways will point out that women are the gender that is often subjugated to oppression and injustice more than men. Why is that? Because they become the property or partners of men who aren't religious, righteous, or God-fearing. Does this mean that every Muslim man is better than any nonMuslim male? NO. But it means that Allah elevates the status of believing women and doesnt want them to settle for less in which can be detrimental towards their faith as righteous Muslimahs. She deserves to be protected under the laws of Allah by the Quran& Sunnah and if her husband is not a Muslim- then she becomes at great risk of her rights being denied. Furthermore, children carry the name& religion of their father..to the extent that many scholars have said that if a Muslim man is considering marriage to marries a Christian or a Jew he should not persist if she is not commited to raising any potential children as Muslims. 

In summary, either way..if either spouse becomes a Muslim& a practicing Muslima..while the other does not...it can cause pressure because there is a lack of cohesion because being a Muslim is a way of life, not just a statement of words. Because of your admiration to Islam I would rec'd that you dont wait to discuss it with your husband. If you feel you are pretty close to taking Shahada, then do it for Allah, but if you are fearful your husband will not embrace Islam and therefore you will not become a Muslimah..then your faith in Allah, in embracing Islam is conditional which makes it really hard Im sure. Keep in mind however that Islam is a way of life and the more sincere you are in doing something for Allah..the easier it will be to cope with the inevitable tests of life. 

I dont know if I managed to confuse you more on this or what..Maybe others will simplify what Ive offered..and Allah Knows Best..keep asking Allah to guide you & your husband to what Allah loves the most...InshaAllah good will be a result of it all.

Quoting bozobean:

It's great that he wasn't pushy about it. From what I understand, the rules are different for women though, that if a woman converts to Islam, but her husband doesn't after a certain time period, three months from what i've heard, they say she must divorce or separate. If i'm misinformed, feel free to let me know the right information. I put out a post in this group a while back, and was told pretty much that. I won't leave my husband, who is the love of my life just because he won't convert, if that be the case. I love my husband and want to be with him for life, so that's why I'm holding off converting until and unless he wants to also, so i'm hoping some day he'll take an interest and end up wanting to convert. It seems unfair to me, that if a nonMuslim woman marries a Muslim man, and she doesn't convert or within a short period of time, it's no problem, no pressure, but if it's the other way around and I convert and my DH doesn't, it's a problem. I don't take kindly to unfair double standards, so i'm hoping someone can tell me i'm just misinformed, and give me the correct information on this issue.



bozobean
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 10:48 AM

Thank you for answering my question. It was nice to hear from you. You have not confused me at all, I understand what you're saying perfectly. I think you understand where i'm at with Islam, which is, I have great admiration for it, and agree with it about quite a few things, even more than Christianity.

I am also very new to taking an interest in Islam, and at my age (40) and wisdom, I know better than to rush into something as serious and life changing as a new religion. I feel as much as I like and agree with Islam so far from what i've read, I still have a lot to learn about it. I would like to read the Quran and the teachings of Mohammed (PBUH), and continue learning what I can to make sure I understand and agree with everything enough to know that i'm for sure ready to take my shahada.

Also, my husband, while a still Christian, is a good man, very hardworking, responsible, has a good kind generous heart, really cares about people and loves me, and I love him and care about him with all my heart. My husband believes that God put me in his path, and I agree with him, and I believe God knows what he's doing, and that we should be together. I believe God understands that I won't leave my husband, so if God wants me to be a Muslim, then, I pray that insha'Allah God will find a way to put Islam in my husband's path as well. My husband has a lot of faith in God already, and it would only be a matter of finding a way to get him interested in Islam and the prophet Mohammed (PBUH). 

Quoting muhajjirah:

Hi Bozobean..

In Islam there is equity because the nature of men& women are different. there are rules which we share given to us by Allah and some which are gender specific. Allah does not favor men over women..or women over men and judges us based on the condition of our hearts. Id like to kindly inform you further than what you've provided. 

Muslim men are forbidden to marry women who do not believe in the One God, Allah. So they cannot marry women who are atheists, agnostics, hindus, buddhists, pagans..They are only allowed to marry women who are believers in monotheism, that there is One God- specifically Christians and Jews- known as 'People of the Book'.There are also different scholarly opinions based on whether they can marry 'People of the Book'in different circumstances. But the general rule is they are forbidden for marrying any woman who negates, denies or disbelieves in Allah. A woman who was a believer but loses faith must also be divorced. 

There are no double standards in Islam, none of us practicing Muslims who understand Islam would even come close to saying that and like you if there were double standards, many wouldnt take it lightly either. But because that isn't the case, we live our lives as Muslimahs with submission to God that God has designed us and given us life..so therefore we obey our Creator with full trust. This is the goal of our lives. 

As far as women who embrace Islam, it is an act that should be done for Allah and not for anyone else. Allah is more worthy of our attachment than our husbands, parents, family, children & all that. There are many women in history and today all over the world who embrace Islam and their husbands see such a positive change within them that they too are inclined of learning about Islam and therefore Allah guides them. Sheikh Yusef Estes and his wife are an example of that. His wife, Khadijah was so at peace with the idea of becoming a Muslimah that she approached her husband and told her what she was about to do- this was a major trial for her, but she put her trust in Allah and he followed suit and became Muslim because when he knew that she was going to have to divorce him that put the pressure on him in learning more. Once he learned more he embraced Islam for Allah and is now a lecturer across the world on Islam (He was a Christian Minister or something like that before too!). 

Ofcourse what you fear, has also happened to marriages as well. But the bottom line is that the more well-connected one is with Allah, the more trust one has and the more willing they are to submit to this ruling. In addition, in Muslim Marriages- the husband is responsible for so many things in family life..and Allah has given them a responsibility greater than the wives. They are responsible for making sure we have shelter, clothes, protection, and are basic needs and even an education. Even if we go out and earn an income they are not allowed to take our money nor are we required to spend on him or even our own children because this responsibility is on him in the sight of Allah. They are also to preserve our honor and no doubt treat us with compassion and mercy. Women on the other hand have roles as well- however if we look at human history anyone regardless of religious ways will point out that women are the gender that is often subjugated to oppression and injustice more than men. Why is that? Because they become the property or partners of men who aren't religious, righteous, or God-fearing. Does this mean that every Muslim man is better than any nonMuslim male? NO. But it means that Allah elevates the status of believing women and doesnt want them to settle for less in which can be detrimental towards their faith as righteous Muslimahs. She deserves to be protected under the laws of Allah by the Quran& Sunnah and if her husband is not a Muslim- then she becomes at great risk of her rights being denied. Furthermore, children carry the name& religion of their father..to the extent that many scholars have said that if a Muslim man is considering marriage to marries a Christian or a Jew he should not persist if she is not commited to raising any potential children as Muslims. 

In summary, either way..if either spouse becomes a Muslim& a practicing Muslima..while the other does not...it can cause pressure because there is a lack of cohesion because being a Muslim is a way of life, not just a statement of words. Because of your admiration to Islam I would rec'd that you dont wait to discuss it with your husband. If you feel you are pretty close to taking Shahada, then do it for Allah, but if you are fearful your husband will not embrace Islam and therefore you will not become a Muslimah..then your faith in Allah, in embracing Islam is conditional which makes it really hard Im sure. Keep in mind however that Islam is a way of life and the more sincere you are in doing something for Allah..the easier it will be to cope with the inevitable tests of life. 

I dont know if I managed to confuse you more on this or what..Maybe others will simplify what Ive offered..and Allah Knows Best..keep asking Allah to guide you & your husband to what Allah loves the most...InshaAllah good will be a result of it all.

Quoting bozobean:

It's great that he wasn't pushy about it. From what I understand, the rules are different for women though, that if a woman converts to Islam, but her husband doesn't after a certain time period, three months from what i've heard, they say she must divorce or separate. If i'm misinformed, feel free to let me know the right information. I put out a post in this group a while back, and was told pretty much that. I won't leave my husband, who is the love of my life just because he won't convert, if that be the case. I love my husband and want to be with him for life, so that's why I'm holding off converting until and unless he wants to also, so i'm hoping some day he'll take an interest and end up wanting to convert. It seems unfair to me, that if a nonMuslim woman marries a Muslim man, and she doesn't convert or within a short period of time, it's no problem, no pressure, but if it's the other way around and I convert and my DH doesn't, it's a problem. I don't take kindly to unfair double standards, so i'm hoping someone can tell me i'm just misinformed, and give me the correct information on this issue.




muhajjirah Group Admin
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 11:16 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting bozobean:

Thank you for answering my question. It was nice to hear from you. You have not confused me at all, I understand what you're saying perfectly. I think you understand where i'm at with Islam, which is, I have great admiration for it, and agree with it about quite a few things, even more than Christianity.

I am also very new to taking an interest in Islam, and at my age (40) and wisdom, I know better than to rush into something as serious and life changing as a new religion. I feel as much as I like and agree with Islam so far from what i've read, I still have a lot to learn about it. I would like to read the Quran and the teachings of Mohammed (PBUH), and continue learning what I can to make sure I understand and agree with everything enough to know that i'm for sure ready to take my shahada.

Also, my husband, while a still Christian, is a good man, very hardworking, responsible, has a good kind generous heart, really cares about people and loves me, and I love him and care about him with all my heart. My husband believes that God put me in his path, and I agree with him, and I believe God knows what he's doing, and that we should be together. I believe God understands that I won't leave my husband, so if God wants me to be a Muslim, then, I pray that insha'Allah God will find a way to put Islam in my husband's path as well. My husband has a lot of faith in God already, and it would only be a matter of finding a way to get him interested in Islam and the prophet Mohammed (PBUH). 


As you know the original language of the Quran is arabic..Amen in Arabic means AMEEN. SO I say AMEEEEEEEN to your supplication (duaa) that God guides you both to what is most pleasing to our One True God. You know your situation more than I do, but I believe the more you seek God out, the more you try to increase your knowledge in Islam, the more you supplicate to God..the more ease you will find in your heart and the more simplified it will be with your husband by God's Permission. 

Your input on being 40 & wisdom also reminded me of something we have in Islam which you may find interesting which affirms what you have offered of this age...We believe that Allah who created us knows our downfalls and through those we learn big lessons in life, but usually around 40 typical reasonable people in general reach that level of maturity where deep thought on the purpose of life prevails ones thoughts & therefore actions in general are usually taken with care. This is just a general aspect of human devlopment which we find in the Quran. Perhaps your stage of searching for whats right is an example of that. :) Please keep in mind that "WE" is Allah but in Arabic it is not to indicate pluralism such as in English. WE in Arabic is used to demonstrate Magnitude. In English there is only one reason to say 'we'! Arabic grammar is different, so dont get that confused when reading the translation below. Also keep in mind that when reading English translations it is never as 100% accuracy..some meaning is always lost because the Arabic is so rich in its meaning and although English can come close, sometimes its hard to translate accuarately- like WE! :) 


"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, 'Oh my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam.'  (The Noble Quran, 46:15)"


bozobean
by on Apr. 21, 2012 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for that. I believe you understand me, and where we (DH and I) are in our journey insha'Allah toward Islam. Also thank you for praying for us.

thank you

Quoting muhajjirah:


Quoting bozobean:

Thank you for answering my question. It was nice to hear from you. You have not confused me at all, I understand what you're saying perfectly. I think you understand where i'm at with Islam, which is, I have great admiration for it, and agree with it about quite a few things, even more than Christianity.

I am also very new to taking an interest in Islam, and at my age (40) and wisdom, I know better than to rush into something as serious and life changing as a new religion. I feel as much as I like and agree with Islam so far from what i've read, I still have a lot to learn about it. I would like to read the Quran and the teachings of Mohammed (PBUH), and continue learning what I can to make sure I understand and agree with everything enough to know that i'm for sure ready to take my shahada.

Also, my husband, while a still Christian, is a good man, very hardworking, responsible, has a good kind generous heart, really cares about people and loves me, and I love him and care about him with all my heart. My husband believes that God put me in his path, and I agree with him, and I believe God knows what he's doing, and that we should be together. I believe God understands that I won't leave my husband, so if God wants me to be a Muslim, then, I pray that insha'Allah God will find a way to put Islam in my husband's path as well. My husband has a lot of faith in God already, and it would only be a matter of finding a way to get him interested in Islam and the prophet Mohammed (PBUH). 


As you know the original language of the Quran is arabic..Amen in Arabic means AMEEN. SO I say AMEEEEEEEN to your supplication (duaa) that God guides you both to what is most pleasing to our One True God. You know your situation more than I do, but I believe the more you seek God out, the more you try to increase your knowledge in Islam, the more you supplicate to God..the more ease you will find in your heart and the more simplified it will be with your husband by God's Permission. 

Your input on being 40 & wisdom also reminded me of something we have in Islam which you may find interesting which affirms what you have offered of this age...We believe that Allah who created us knows our downfalls and through those we learn big lessons in life, but usually around 40 typical reasonable people in general reach that level of maturity where deep thought on the purpose of life prevails ones thoughts & therefore actions in general are usually taken with care. This is just a general aspect of human devlopment which we find in the Quran. Perhaps your stage of searching for whats right is an example of that. :) Please keep in mind that "WE" is Allah but in Arabic it is not to indicate pluralism such as in English. WE in Arabic is used to demonstrate Magnitude. In English there is only one reason to say 'we'! Arabic grammar is different, so dont get that confused when reading the translation below. Also keep in mind that when reading English translations it is never as 100% accuracy..some meaning is always lost because the Arabic is so rich in its meaning and although English can come close, sometimes its hard to translate accuarately- like WE! :) 


"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, 'Oh my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam.'  (The Noble Quran, 46:15)"



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