Muslim Men as Fathers

[ABeautifulQadar]

What are Muslim and/or Arabic men like as fathers?

Were they supportive through your pregnancy? What about when the baby came? Did they help you with feeding the baby or changing diapers?

[firaerty]

You know frankly in many arab countries men are not really encouraged to do these thing unfortunately. There are amaizing arab fathers but typically they just play and deal with the older kids no so good with diapering, bottles, cooking etc.
When I had my oldest my husband was quite useless lol.
We had our second in March and I'm a peds resident now. This week I'm on nights I worked 84hrs/wk for the past 2 weeks and I am roadkill at this point so obviously he has had to do a lot with both kids and has become good at diapers and warming beastmilk etc.. He took an afternoon nap today and set his alarm wrong so I randomly woke up just after my 6 year old was supposed to come back by bus and I was livid!!! He missed the bus and had to call the school and have the bus return!!! If I was not so tired from having had less than 4hrs of sleep all weel I probably would have killed him.. Then again I still need him... Lol
You're expecting right?
I would start teaching him things now so he gets used to the idea.
Oh and FYI my husband is half american half saudi but grew up in saudi where they always had maids to help out! And I'm a revert too.

[ABeautifulQadar]

wow! 84 hours a week!

Yes I'm expecting. It is his first child and my second. I have a 6 year old son from my previous marriage. He is great with my son but my son isnt an infant. My ex husband is Dominican and they are the same feeling women should care for the baby but my ex husband helped out sometimes in the middle of the night with feedings and with diapering. Im just wondering how he is going to be with a newborn.

Quoting firaerty:

You know frankly in many arab countries men are not really encouraged to do these thing unfortunately. There are amaizing arab fathers but typically they just play and deal with the older kids no so good with diapering, bottles, cooking etc.
When I had my oldest my husband was quite useless lol.
We had our second in March and I'm a peds resident now. This week I'm on nights I worked 84hrs/wk for the past 2 weeks and I am roadkill at this point so obviously he has had to do a lot with both kids and has become good at diapers and warming beastmilk etc.. He took an afternoon nap today and set his alarm wrong so I randomly woke up just after my 6 year old was supposed to come back by bus and I was livid!!! He missed the bus and had to call the school and have the bus return!!! If I was not so tired from having had less than 4hrs of sleep all weel I probably would have killed him.. Then again I still need him... Lol
You're expecting right?
I would start teaching him things now so he gets used to the idea.
Oh and FYI my husband is half american half saudi but grew up in saudi where they always had maids to help out! And I'm a revert too.

[MIA0223]

I am a pretty independent woman and what most people think as support is suffocating to me! Lol.
Both our lives went on as normal when I was pregnant with DD and now.
When DD wa born, I did all the care, he works 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week. I breastfed so he couldn't help there. And there was no reason for him to get up at night because number one he had to work the next day and I didn't. And if she woke up that meant she was hungry and again, he couldn't help there! Lol!
He would play with her, talk to her, sing to her.
They have this crazy relationship that I don't even understand! Such a bond.
This time it will be the same. Our lives are going on as usual, to me pregnancy isn't a disability. I don't need anything more than normal but some extra sleep!
And when baby comes I will be the one to do the feeding and care during the day, he will bind with him when he is home!

[barunka050811]

Well honestly as sr. Firaerty said most of them are pretty mush useless when it come to newborn or infants lol. They are raised that that is a woman job and they are there just to spoil the children.
My hubby helps out if I asked but not on his own. he is much better now specially with the boys because he can play with them and so on.
As for pregnancy . Well my hubby was pretty good with helping out so I don't have to carry anything heavy and he also made sure i ate enough. I had c section with all my kids some was forced to help at least tin the beginning because I wasn't as mobile as I would like.
So I think don't expect that he will be as some American man that are so very much involved in taking care of the babies.

[jadsmummy]

Dh is Arab and he is hands on just as his father and brothers are a fathers. It just depends on the man.

[Hani_Mommy]

Pregnancy they are taught to pamper the woman. Well at least the father of my two boys was taught that. I pretty much did nothing my whole pregnancies. We also ended up moving during my pregnancies, and did nothing for the moving. He even sent me out on a girl day at the spa to get me out of the way, and to have me stop doing anything. I just can't stand around while he is packing and moving! He got tired of telling me to sit down. I am extremely high risk pregnant, and that just adds to it. If I asked for something, I would get it. I was pampered. Our joke is, I get pregnant for pampering. LOL. Our oldest was barely one when we found out I was pregnant again, and really stepped up.

With a newborn/infant it's really the woman's responsibility. However, he took on a lot of daily tasks because I needed to care for the baby. With that said, I still got a night off a week to study for my LSAT. I also resumed working full time soon after our oldest was released from the NICU, and was really supportive. With number 2 he got his mom to come and help. She basically took care of the oldest completely. It was his responsibility, and he decided his mom could do that for him. That was awesome.

Number of diaper changes for both kids combined could probably be counted on one hand! LOL ... Bu he was very happy and willing to feed once the boys were not 100% breast fed. Kind of hard to help feed, that really has to be me! LOL

Now that they are 2 and 4 he does a lot. I am very thankful. If he sees me frustrated with a bed time, he will step in and lay with them. ... And so forth. Same with meal time. The oldest and him are extremely close, and because of that he does a lot of his care. I have one kid to take care of, and he has one. It works out great.

He is beyond a wonderful father.

[barunka050811]

Yeah my hubby put the kids to sleep. Too . That is his task because I am usually "done"by then lol. He also gives them baths almost every day. I should have say that.
I was pretty much pampered during the pregnancy also but I suspect it was more because of the baby and not me Loool.
I

Quoting Hani_Mommy:

Pregnancy they are taught to pamper the woman. Well at least the father of my two boys was taught that. I pretty much did nothing my whole pregnancies. We also ended up moving during my pregnancies, and did nothing for the moving. He even sent me out on a girl day at the spa to get me out of the way, and to have me stop doing anything. I just can't stand around while he is packing and moving! He got tired of telling me to sit down. I am extremely high risk pregnant, and that just adds to it. If I asked for something, I would get it. I was pampered. Our joke is, I get pregnant for pampering. LOL. Our oldest was barely one when we found out I was pregnant again, and really stepped up.

With a newborn/infant it's really the woman's responsibility. However, he took on a lot of daily tasks because I needed to care for the baby. With that said, I still got a night off a week to study for my LSAT. I also resumed working full time soon after our oldest was released from the NICU, and was really supportive. With number 2 he got his mom to come and help. She basically took care of the oldest completely. It was his responsibility, and he decided his mom could do that for him. That was awesome.

Number of diaper changes for both kids combined could probably be counted on one hand! LOL ... Bu he was very happy and willing to feed once the boys were not 100% breast fed. Kind of hard to help feed, that really has to be me! LOL

Now that they are 2 and 4 he does a lot. I am very thankful. If he sees me frustrated with a bed time, he will step in and lay with them. ... And so forth. Same with meal time. The oldest and him are extremely close, and because of that he does a lot of his care. I have one kid to take care of, and he has one. It works out great.

He is beyond a wonderful father.

[umhassouna]

A Muslim father can be a white guy from Canada or a hispanic man from Mexico (like my husband) who has been raised with completely different cultural attitudes towards gender expectations than an Arab Muslim father. Asking what Muslim fathers are like is impossible to answer, because Muslims can be from any country, any race, any culture.

 Culturally, Arab men expect women to take care of newborns - I agree with this expectation (I'm Arab, so that is a biased opinion). Of course, any good husband whether Arab or not will help his wife when she needs help. If you married a good man, regardless of his culture, he will love you enough to relieve you of certain duties when you need it. Do expect to do the majority of the work on a daily basis, though.

[ABeautifulQadar]

Thank you for your responses ladies :) I asked my husband would he change a diaper lol and he laughed and said sure. I'm very old fashioned when it comes to male and female roles so I won't need much help from him and Alhamdulilah i will have the whole summer off school once the baby comes but I was just curious ;)

[black_rose19]

My husband is Egyptian and was wonderful to me during my pregnancy. He never let me lift a thing, and he also did most of the cooking. He's a wonderful cook. When our son was born he would hold him all the time, and change his diapers without me even asking him too. I feel very blessed to have such a caring husband.