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Homeschool, Potty Training, Wudu and Salah...VENT

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:55 PM
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Hi Moms, I homeschool my 4th grader, potty training my  2yr old. And the 4th grader needs a medical procedure around the clock every 2-3 hours.  I am having a hard time keeping clean with my wudu and praying on time. I am stressed because I would like to pray on time. Like today for example I could not get through the entire Dhuhr. In that small time the 2 had an argument. After the fight the 2yr old was standing at my rug screaming, the 9yr old was needing help with assignment. Then the 2yr old runs to the potty which means I have to stop help her so it won't be a mess and helping her cancels my wudu.  I can't wudu and pray all at once. Then there is playdates and homeschool groups that interrupt my day. In the summer because of the prayer times it did not seem so bad because it was more spread out. I know how important prays are and that they must be done on time. I just want to vent about my day. Right now the 2yr old wants soup, 9yr old is doing homework and she needs a urine catheter in a few minutes and adhan is calling for prayer.  I haven't finished the Dhuhr and now its time for Asr.  ARGH!!!! All I can do is try.

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 2:55 PM
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muhajjirah Group Admin
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:40 PM

Asalaamalaikum Warahmat Allah, 

May Allah reward you for your efforts dear sister. Im sure many of us can relate to what youre saying but the truth is, being a mother isnt something that excuses us from salaah. So although you are trying, you have to try another way. Here are a few tips:

1. Because you are homeschooling, why not wake your 9 year old up extra early with you and pray fajr together. Then allow the 4th grader to go back to sleep..you can go lay down a bit while doing thikr or have some alone time to yourself getting things mentally prepared for your day. Do not say that you feel bad in waking your child up so early- thats a trap from Shaitan. Alhamdulilah you are homeschooling so you he/she can still get the zzzs needed. At first it might be weird for your child to go back to sleep but with routine its soo doable inshaaAllah. 

2. For Duhr, remember it doesnt have to take more than 5-10minutes including your wudu. Dont overburden yourself and consider it hopeless. You DO have time, its about time-management. Plus this is another time where you 9year old can pray beside you. Teaching your 2year old about praying to Allah and encouraging to imitate is something positive. If that doesnt work, can't you put your toddler in a high-chair or keep busy with something safe?

3. Get off of CM!! Get off of MM!! You were typing this post up even though you hadnt prayed Duhr while adhan Asr was being called. 

4. Try to pray AS soon as the prayer is called- do not say to yourself you have time to do a couple more things, it doesnt work that way..there is a hadith teaching us to make duaa against procrastination and laziness- ALTHOUGH I AM NOT SAYING you are doing those things..BUT what it also means is that you are asking Allah for help in managing your time, especially in regards to salaah. 

5. Cant you decrease the playdates and homeschool groups if its just getting too crazy? If its not, what about going to your car and praying there? Remember life should work around salaah, not salaah working around life. I understand your struggles..believe me! But you are stressed because your soul is not at rest in missing the prayers. You are short-changing yourself to some sweetness.

6. Remember to ask Allah to help you and forgive you..Prophet Muhammad salAllahu alayhee wasallam taught us that Allah loves those who sin yet follow it up with repentance. 

I hope I havent offended you..but remember that prayer is the first thing we will be asked upon as beleivers on Judgement Day..so dont give up hope..inshaAllah you will be of the best who prays in the right times pleasing Allah. :)

-Cassandra-
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Is there some other proceedure that is being done besides a cath?  You could always wear gloves and then your wudu wouldn't be invalidated from that.  When I did them in clinicals I never got any uring on me and I just removed the gloves and went about my business.  You shouldn't need to do wudu again if your not actually touching the urine and it would be more sterile and safe for your child too if your using steril techniques and gloves.  Work on making sure your 2yr old knows how to pull down their own pants.  My son is almost 3 and still is working on potty training but he can pull his own pant's down and sit on the little potty without my help (he mostly needs to be reminded to try to use the bathroom which he still doesn't prefer over his diapers).  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I know it can be frustrating and get out of hand but it sounds like you really need to sit down and make a schedule which includes time for you to pray and then stick to it.  My kids all know when I'm praying I don't respond to them and the wait until I'm done.  If the only interruption is that there is an argument or crying try telling your kids "Mama's going to pray now, I don't want to hear any arguments or interruptions while I'm praying, okay!"  I personally would just finish praying and then deal with whatever messes happen from not aiding in the bathroom but that's me.  I can always clean the mess but I cannot always get the reward for praying on time.

Nikah2006
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 6:52 PM

Thanks for your reply 1)Fajr and Isha'a I can get done. Its Dhuhr, Asr and Maghrib that are hard for me to get done. 2)My Dhuhr takes more like 15 mins because I haven't learned it completely yet so it takes me longer, I am a new convert. They do pray sometimes but I do not require them to. 3) I was on CM looking for answers and it was in my heart to pray at that moment. I had to calm myself down from being so frustrated of trying to get my prayers done on time. 4,5) Time management is a big deal right now because my home health nurse ended the new year. So I have a lot on my plate right now of how to get everything done. No you have not offended me I can here asking for advice and opinions on how everyone else does this and you gave your best answer. 

Asalaamalaikum Warahmat Allah,  

May Allah reward you for your efforts dear sister. Im sure many of us can relate to what youre saying but the truth is, being a mother isnt something that excuses us from salaah. So although you are trying, you have to try another way. Here are a few tips:

1. Because you are homeschooling, why not wake your 9 year old up extra early with you and pray fajr together. Then allow the 4th grader to go back to sleep..you can go lay down a bit while doing thikr or have some alone time to yourself getting things mentally prepared for your day. Do not say that you feel bad in waking your child up so early- thats a trap from Shaitan. Alhamdulilah you are homeschooling so you he/she can still get the zzzs needed. At first it might be weird for your child to go back to sleep but with routine its soo doable inshaaAllah. 

2. For Duhr, remember it doesnt have to take more than 5-10minutes including your wudu. Dont overburden yourself and consider it hopeless. You DO have time, its about time-management. Plus this is another time where you 9year old can pray beside you. Teaching your 2year old about praying to Allah and encouraging to imitate is something positive. If that doesnt work, can't you put your toddler in a high-chair or keep busy with something safe?

3. Get off of CM!! Get off of MM!! You were typing this post up even though you hadnt prayed Duhr while adhan Asr was being called. 

4. Try to pray AS soon as the prayer is called- do not say to yourself you have time to do a couple more things, it doesnt work that way..there is a hadith teaching us to make duaa against procrastination and laziness- ALTHOUGH I AM NOT SAYING you are doing those things..BUT what it also means is that you are asking Allah for help in managing your time, especially in regards to salaah. 

5. Cant you decrease the playdates and homeschool groups if its just getting too crazy? If its not, what about going to your car and praying there? Remember life should work around salaah, not salaah working around life. I understand your struggles..believe me! But you are stressed because your soul is not at rest in missing the prayers. You are short-changing yourself to some sweetness.

6. Remember to ask Allah to help you and forgive you..Prophet Muhammad salAllahu alayhee wasallam taught us that Allah loves those who sin yet follow it up with repentance. 

I hope I havent offended you..but remember that prayer is the first thing we will be asked upon as beleivers on Judgement Day..so dont give up hope..inshaAllah you will be of the best who prays in the right times pleasing Allah. :)


Nikah2006
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:00 PM

Yes I am doing many task for her all day. But the cath is the only that would break wudu. She is learning how to do it herself so hopefully in a few weeks I can break from that. My 2yr old can do everything except wipe. The start of the new year ended my home health nurse and the beginning of potty training so we have been through alot of changes in 2 weeks.  I understand you about the mess but I am such a germaphobe. I would rather do it myself moslty. Thank you

Quoting -Cassandra-: 

Is there some other proceedure that is being done besides a cath?  You could always wear gloves and then your wudu wouldn't be invalidated from that.  When I did them in clinicals I never got any uring on me and I just removed the gloves and went about my business.  You shouldn't need to do wudu again if your not actually touching the urine and it would be more sterile and safe for your child too if your using steril techniques and gloves.  Work on making sure your 2yr old knows how to pull down their own pants.  My son is almost 3 and still is working on potty training but he can pull his own pant's down and sit on the little potty without my help (he mostly needs to be reminded to try to use the bathroom which he still doesn't prefer over his diapers).  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I know it can be frustrating and get out of hand but it sounds like you really need to sit down and make a schedule which includes time for you to pray and then stick to it.  My kids all know when I'm praying I don't respond to them and the wait until I'm done.  If the only interruption is that there is an argument or crying try telling your kids "Mama's going to pray now, I don't want to hear any arguments or interruptions while I'm praying, okay!"  I personally would just finish praying and then deal with whatever messes happen from not aiding in the bathroom but that's me.  I can always clean the mess but I cannot always get the reward for praying on time.


Nikah2006
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:04 PM

Even with nursing Mondays have been crazy. Mondays is health supplies order day, its medication refill day. So I have alot going on, trying I have eveything I need for the rest of the week. 

-Cassandra-
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:22 PM

Could you eliminate some of this with automated services?  Like could you do your medications through auto refill?  And could you use a service that just delivers them (often in three month cycles meaning you would cut down to a once every three month hassle).  You can usually set up recurring orders for medical supplies too.  The more of it you have automated the less hassle it will be for you to do each time.  Making sure you have a specific area desginated for the medicines and supplies (for us it's our hall closet but we don't have any major health issues to deal with) it also helps to inventory the designated area and then marking off each time you use or need something so inventory for supply and demand needs are easy to see and keep track of.  I have a clipboard in our closet attached to the door with our current inventory and labels and plastic drawer units to organize things in.  I mark down what we use when were low and need to restock etc... it's a time saver when I look through it and say we've been using x amount of y and we currently have this much so I need z more this week to meet expected demand.

If the issue with the potty training is the child cannot wipe themself could you get a bidet seat or attachment where they just have to push a button?  Could you ask them to wait patiently on the toilet till you come to help if they go when your praying.  Eventually it won't be an issue because they will get older and do things themself but you obviously are stressed and stretched thin so you need to prioritize.  If your a germophobe and and the only reason for breaking prayer is you can't stand the thought of a dirty bottom for a minute or two while you finish personally I think that means you need to prioritize for yourself a little.  Is it going to be you face the germs and deal with them as needed but please Allah first or deal with the germs at the expense of prayer and hope for the best.  Does your child have a fairly regular schedule for using the toilet?  Maybe implementing one would help since you could time your prayers for when you know you will probably not be needed for wiping.  Or wait until after they use the bathroom to make wudu and then immediately pray ensuring they won't need to use it again for a while giving you a clear and free time frame of being able to pray without wirrying about that.

Quoting Nikah2006:

Even with nursing Mondays have been crazy. Mondays is health supplies order day, its medication refill day. So I have alot going on, trying I have eveything I need for the rest of the week. 


umsarah
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 4:56 AM
1 mom liked this

All the sisters here have given you good advice mahsha'Allah. Just add my two cents I would suggest you teach your 2 yrold to stay on the potty no matter what until you can go to him. Sometimes I have to put my little one on the toilet and tell him not to get up until I finish prayer and come back to him so I wuldn't have to repear my wudu. May Allah help you sister. Always remeber that you are rewarded for caring for your family, and all hardships you go through will be rewarded by Allah as well.

HerLadyGrey
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:10 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry I can't add anything useful. I don't know how long prayers take or wudu but I have potty trained, homeschool, and I know about catheters so... I feel your pain.

Nikah2006
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:44 PM

I just want a realistic mom that understands. I know that Allah must come first in my life. Realistic my choices are Hell or the hospital. I dont want to go to neither place.  I guess I am the only muslim mother that does not drop everything immediately and pray. I wish I could be that discipline, thats what we stride for but I live in a real world. Being a new revert and having some recent household changes This is a life that I have to learn and adapt.  Like I said Mondays are always crazy around here at least during business hours.  My child being disabled all her life I have many years of experience on ordering medication and supplies but it still takes time and Mondays work best. Each of us have our own struggles, unfortunately mine is praying on time. Dhuhr and Asr are difficult for me and I am trying do those on time. 

I am not upset I just think that the Q&A in this group are weird sometimes and are not realistic. Some of the information is useful and I appreciate the work that the admins put into it.  

www.muslimmatters.org/2012/05/15babies-in-the-masjid


Quoting HerLadyGrey:

I'm sorry I can't add anything useful. I don't know how long prayers take or wudu but I have potty trained, homeschool, and I know about catheters so... I feel your pain.



jadsmummy
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:51 AM
Salam alikom. Have a pure intention do what you can with what your dealt as they say. Your prayer is taking a really long time. Are you praying using a book to help you? I promise it will get easier. One day at a time one prayer at a time. As soon as its the time pray if you can. there are times, often, when I pray holding a crying toddler or infant. That or am used as human jungle gym while I pray by said toddler. you just learn to roll with it. Praying becomes a natural part of your day in time. A spiritual recharge. Give it time, your new, one baby step at a time.


Quoting Nikah2006:

I just want a realistic mom that understands. I know that Allah must come first in my life. Realistic my choices are Hell or the hospital. I dont want to go to neither place.  I guess I am the only muslim mother that does not drop everything immediately and pray. I wish I could be that discipline, thats what we stride for but I live in a real world. Being a new revert and having some recent household changes This is a life that I have to learn and adapt.  Like I said Mondays are always crazy around here at least during business hours.  My child being disabled all her life I have many years of experience on ordering medication and supplies but it still takes time and Mondays work best. Each of us have our own struggles, unfortunately mine is praying on time. Dhuhr and Asr are difficult for me and I am trying do those on time. 

I am not upset I just think that the Q&A in this group are weird sometimes and are not realistic. Some of the information is useful and I appreciate the work that the admins put into it.  

www.muslimmatters.org/2012/05/15babies-in-the-masjid



Quoting HerLadyGrey:

I'm sorry I can't add anything useful. I don't know how long prayers take or wudu but I have potty trained, homeschool, and I know about catheters so... I feel your pain.





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