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Posted by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:42 PM
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So I was raised Seventh Day Adventist...went to SDA schools etc. I was pretty sheltered from the secular world when I was younger. We practiced sabbath, were vegetarian, were not allowed to have piercings, makeup, hair color, tattoos, no jewelry (my parents didnt even have wedding bands) basically nothing that woudl direct attention to ourselves. We were not allowed to listen to worldly music or watch secular TV. It was pretty strict.

Later down the road my parents divorced and the rules started to relax...we did begin eating meat but only "clean" meats, no pork, bottom feeders etc. and needless to say when I hit my teens I became extremely rebellious. Pierced my ears, colored my hair, wore a lot of black, listened to music my parents thought was satanic. Just basically didn't follow those rules anymore.

I know many muslim women wear hijabs and are not forced to (at least not in the states and I guess that might be hit and miss in the middle east, correct me if I'm wrong) My question is, if they don't wear them are they looked down upon by the rest of the community? Is it a sign of being very devoted, much like what I grew up with?

I hope I am making sense. I know one thing I admire is that muslim women cover up and I think its a sign of respect towards their husbands and their faith. I have absolutely no problem with it at all.

Thanks!

by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:42 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Laurin283
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:53 PM
2 moms liked this

I can't speak for all, but I do know that in some communities non-hijab-wearing Muslimahs are looked down upon, yes.  Just as in some if you WEAR hijab or niqab you are looked at strangely.  It's an odd situation.  If you wear clothes too tight, or hijab too loose, or jilbabs instead of jeans, or niqab without an abaya...the list goes on and on, but there seems to be some group of Muslims somewhere who will find fault with your modesty based on what you wear, no matter what that is.  And that is NOT Islam.  We shouldn't judge others based on what they wear because they in fact might be more pious and righteous than we are. 

I just had one of my students (I teach at an Islamic school) today tell me that the other day she said Salaam to a women she saw in hijab, and the woman repeatedly ignored her.  Finally, the woman said somethign like "you're not a Muslim, you're not covered up."  This is heartbreaking for me as her teacher to hear for several reasons: 1.  her mom isn't Muslim and I believe she was out with Mom at the time, and therefore dressing less modestly than she might usually, 2.  this student is only 8 or 9 years old, and isn't required to cover yet anyway (although she is a bit mature-looking for her age), and 3.  how can you expect a young Muslim who may not have the female Muslim role models in her life to WANT to cover, when you face criticism like that from OTHER MUSLIMS?!

What are we teaching our girls when we judge them before they are truly, completely taught how to be a righteous Muslimah?

Sorry if that's a bit off topic, and a bit of a rant.  But to answer your question simply, yes, there is judging, and it is anti-Islamic.

-Cassandra-
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:41 PM
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The Islamic thing to do is to not judge someone based on their hijab or lack thereof.  If is a mark of modesty and piety but wearing it alone doesn't make one a better Muslim than someone who doesn't wear it.  For example if someone wears hijbaab but is constantly talking behind peoples back, or maybe doesn't pray she would in no way be a better Muslim than a woman who doesn't wear hijab but prays every day, never talks behind someones back spreading, does charity frequently, etc...  We are only better than one annother in belief and piety and those are not things that are outwardly visible.  Now the difficult part is that as humans we do judge people based on appearances.  Especially when it comes to things like hijab/modesty.  Someone who doesn't wear it could be more pious but at the same time she is displaying what most Muslim women believe should be covered.  It could be an indication that her beliefs are lacking but that's really impossible to know.  Some communities will judge them harshly.  I personally would try to keep from judging and would treat anyone who says they are Muslim and treat them as I would any Muslim sister.  For some Muslim women it makes them uncomfortable as if someone elses lack of hijab will corrupt their own convictions and belief in hijab or in Islam in general.  It's not a sign of being VERY devoted it's a requirement upon all Muslim women.  The niqaab (face veil) is sometimes associated with being very devoted since most consider niqaab as something extra which can bring more protection and blessings but which is not required as such those who choose to wear it may be exhibiting that they are more devout.

-Cassandra-
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:43 PM

That is just terrible!  I always say salaam back to people even those who I know are not Muslim.  there's just no reason for being that rude especially to a young girl but really to anyone young or old.


Quoting Laurin283:

I can't speak for all, but I do know that in some communities non-hijab-wearing Muslimahs are looked down upon, yes.  Just as in some if you WEAR hijab or niqab you are looked at strangely.  It's an odd situation.  If you wear clothes too tight, or hijab too loose, or jilbabs instead of jeans, or niqab without an abaya...the list goes on and on, but there seems to be some group of Muslims somewhere who will find fault with your modesty based on what you wear, no matter what that is.  And that is NOT Islam.  We shouldn't judge others based on what they wear because they in fact might be more pious and righteous than we are. 

I just had one of my students (I teach at an Islamic school) today tell me that the other day she said Salaam to a women she saw in hijab, and the woman repeatedly ignored her.  Finally, the woman said somethign like "you're not a Muslim, you're not covered up."  This is heartbreaking for me as her teacher to hear for several reasons: 1.  her mom isn't Muslim and I believe she was out with Mom at the time, and therefore dressing less modestly than she might usually, 2.  this student is only 8 or 9 years old, and isn't required to cover yet anyway (although she is a bit mature-looking for her age), and 3.  how can you expect a young Muslim who may not have the female Muslim role models in her life to WANT to cover, when you face criticism like that from OTHER MUSLIMS?!

What are we teaching our girls when we judge them before they are truly, completely taught how to be a righteous Muslimah?

Sorry if that's a bit off topic, and a bit of a rant.  But to answer your question simply, yes, there is judging, and it is anti-Islamic.



Generica
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:58 PM

 Thanks ladies, so it is required to wear hijab. I am just trying to see if there are similarities in some fashion to the way I was brought up. We were also expected to dress modestly. I think over the years things have relaxed to some degree in the SDA church...I am sure there may be in islam is well.

I'm sure I'll have more questions later, thanks again! =)

proud2bmom3 Group Owner
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 4:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Greetings Generica and welcome to our group.. 

may I start by saying I LOVE your avatar.. lol.. a pregnant woman throwing up love! indeed we do.. 

Hijab is an obligation, not to honor our husbands, though it is a nice by-product lol. but to honor our commitment and surrender to the will of God. it is a worship . though some wear it out of cultural practice, or in some cases being forced into it.. but the general rule is that it is an Obligation, and it is a choice.. I mean by that , a woman chooses to carry out that obligation ( even tough it is not optional) and she will be held accountable for her choice, like everything else in life. 

Not wearing the hijab does not render a Muslim out of the fold of Islam.. that is why I am doubly upset about the woman sister Laurin mentioned. some people really need to keep their mouths shut... Yelling at a child who is not even of age nor required is a crime in itself, but labeling her a non Muslim for not covering is outrageous.. 

whether we like it or not, Hijab is an obvious worship. and that is why people are ready to jump to conclusions and make up their own judgment calls about a woman who is or is not covering, but what they forget is that Hijab is ONE aspect of being a Muslim, and Not wearing is indeed a sin, but putting it on or not is not simply putting on a piece of fabric it has much deeper dimensions , and I will leave it at that.. lol

would a non Hijabi be looked down upon? I guess it depends on the community she lives in.. in bigger cities, like Amman, Dubai, Jeddah, Beirut, Damascus..etc. I do not think it is an issue at all. you will find women of all looks walking in the streets and the malls..etc.. in smaller villages it might be an issue.. in America, I guess it depends on the type of Muslim community. 

my brother married a Non hijabi.. she is   a hijabi now, but she wore it later in life. My best friend ( dearest person for me in the world) did not wear hijab for the longest time. I wore it when I was twelve ( soon as I got my period) it was never an issue between us.. I think we had ONE discussion about it in the fifteen years we've know eachother before she wore it.. now she's been wearing it for close to ten years  herself.. 

sorry for the long reply.. you are new to the group , and you might notice I tend to digress lol..embarrassed mini 

looking forward to more of your questions.. welcome again to our family, please make yourself at home :)

Love and salaam (peace)

 (proud2bmom3 Muslim Moms-- Owner. 

Generica
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 9:16 AM


Quoting proud2bmom3:

Greetings Generica and welcome to our group.. 

may I start by saying I LOVE your avatar.. lol.. a pregnant woman throwing up love! indeed we do.. 

Hijab is an obligation, not to honor our husbands, though it is a nice by-product lol. but to honor our commitment and surrender to the will of God. it is a worship . though some wear it out of cultural practice, or in some cases being forced into it.. but the general rule is that it is an Obligation, and it is a choice.. I mean by that , a woman chooses to carry out that obligation ( even tough it is not optional) and she will be held accountable for her choice, like everything else in life. 

Not wearing the hijab does not render a Muslim out of the fold of Islam.. that is why I am doubly upset about the woman sister Laurin mentioned. some people really need to keep their mouths shut... Yelling at a child who is not even of age nor required is a crime in itself, but labeling her a non Muslim for not covering is outrageous.. 

whether we like it or not, Hijab is an obvious worship. and that is why people are ready to jump to conclusions and make up their own judgment calls about a woman who is or is not covering, but what they forget is that Hijab is ONE aspect of being a Muslim, and Not wearing is indeed a sin, but putting it on or not is not simply putting on a piece of fabric it has much deeper dimensions , and I will leave it at that.. lol

would a non Hijabi be looked down upon? I guess it depends on the community she lives in.. in bigger cities, like Amman, Dubai, Jeddah, Beirut, Damascus..etc. I do not think it is an issue at all. you will find women of all looks walking in the streets and the malls..etc.. in smaller villages it might be an issue.. in America, I guess it depends on the type of Muslim community. 

my brother married a Non hijabi.. she is   a hijabi now, but she wore it later in life. My best friend ( dearest person for me in the world) did not wear hijab for the longest time. I wore it when I was twelve ( soon as I got my period) it was never an issue between us.. I think we had ONE discussion about it in the fifteen years we've know eachother before she wore it.. now she's been wearing it for close to ten years  herself.. 

sorry for the long reply.. you are new to the group , and you might notice I tend to digress lol..embarrassed mini 

looking forward to more of your questions.. welcome again to our family, please make yourself at home :)

Noooo I love the long responses!! I don't mind at all. I like to learn!

Thanks for the compliment, I found that avatar somewhere and it reminded me of my dating experiences lol...I'm pretty jaded on relationships right now. Blah. I was married 10 years and have been single about 7 now, been dating here and there trying to find the "right" man...now I'm seriously thinking of focusing on school. I am hoping to go back and finish my degree without the help of a man or family. I support my two teens mostly myself and don't know how I will make it in school but I'm going to sit down with a guidance counselor and see what TRUE single parents do (as in the ones who don't live with family or a partner) it's probably going to be hard work but I think it's time.

Thanks ladies!

sonorared
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 11:47 AM

The other ladies here pretty much answered your question on hijab.  On the topic of going back to school as a single parent, I can give you my experience.  My son was just two years old when I started graduate school.  Loans and welfare is what paid my way.  In Arizona the welfare pay is terribly low but I had my own mobile home on a lot with a low rent.  In 1977 when I went back to school that was $160 a month for mortgage and lot rent.  I had to pay electricity and gas.  I had a car that got great gas mileage.  The state paid for most of my child care and I got food stamps along with the monthly stipend.  Loans covered the rest.  I was lucky in that my parents lived pretty close by and could pick up my son if I had an evening class.  I had originally set up my first semester of classes to all be in the afternoon and evening so I could work mornings but, after learning that welfare would pay working was not necessary.  I can live very frugally if I need to and we managed.

Generica
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 11:59 AM


Quoting sonorared:

The other ladies here pretty much answered your question on hijab.  On the topic of going back to school as a single parent, I can give you my experience.  My son was just two years old when I started graduate school.  Loans and welfare is what paid my way.  In Arizona the welfare pay is terribly low but I had my own mobile home on a lot with a low rent.  In 1977 when I went back to school that was $160 a month for mortgage and lot rent.  I had to pay electricity and gas.  I had a car that got great gas mileage.  The state paid for most of my child care and I got food stamps along with the monthly stipend.  Loans covered the rest.  I was lucky in that my parents lived pretty close by and could pick up my son if I had an evening class.  I had originally set up my first semester of classes to all be in the afternoon and evening so I could work mornings but, after learning that welfare would pay working was not necessary.  I can live very frugally if I need to and we managed.

Thank you! That gives me hope! I am over 40 now and my kids are teens. I hear there is a lot of help for moms over 40 with kids, my daughter will be 16 in June so I better get on with this before she's over 18. She kind of likes the idea of us both being students together =) She goes to a charter here in Phoenix which pays for college courses for her, she gets credits towards her HS diploma and her associates. The college would be the same one I would go to. It's pretty awesome. My son is 19 now and has started working, he contributes a little every week now. Not much support from their dads. (long story)

I work fulltime but the industry I am in isn't going to get any better (its a newspaper) so it really is time for me to figure out my options.


umsarah
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:53 AM
Laurin, the story you told broke my heart. How could anyone be so cruel, Oh God, the problem is people think so highly of themselves for doing good deeds, in fact, we should all remember that doing one good deed is in fact by the help and guidance of Allah, it is not our sheer strength and purity, Second we should also remember that being conceited because of a good deed you do can actually nullify the blessings of this deed. I have spent a part of my life not wearing hijab, and if I had been snubbed this way by girls wearing hijab, I might have never been a better person. If anyone ever sees someone without hijab or committing sins that one has quitted, one should, first, make duaa for this person's guidance, and also remember the ayah: كذلك كنتم من قبل فمن الله عليكم
Quoting Laurin283:

I can't speak for all, but I do know that in some communities non-hijab-wearing Muslimahs are looked down upon, yes.  Just as in some if you WEAR hijab or niqab you are looked at strangely.  It's an odd situation.  If you wear clothes too tight, or hijab too loose, or jilbabs instead of jeans, or niqab without an abaya...the list goes on and on, but there seems to be some group of Muslims somewhere who will find fault with your modesty based on what you wear, no matter what that is.  And that is NOT Islam.  We shouldn't judge others based on what they wear because they in fact might be more pious and righteous than we are. 

I just had one of my students (I teach at an Islamic school) today tell me that the other day she said Salaam to a women she saw in hijab, and the woman repeatedly ignored her.  Finally, the woman said somethign like "you're not a Muslim, you're not covered up."  This is heartbreaking for me as her teacher to hear for several reasons: 1.  her mom isn't Muslim and I believe she was out with Mom at the time, and therefore dressing less modestly than she might usually, 2.  this student is only 8 or 9 years old, and isn't required to cover yet anyway (although she is a bit mature-looking for her age), and 3.  how can you expect a young Muslim who may not have the female Muslim role models in her life to WANT to cover, when you face criticism like that from OTHER MUSLIMS?!

What are we teaching our girls when we judge them before they are truly, completely taught how to be a righteous Muslimah?

Sorry if that's a bit off topic, and a bit of a rant.  But to answer your question simply, yes, there is judging, and it is anti-Islamic.


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