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Dealing with Grief after a miscarriage.

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 2:20 PM
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As Salaam Alaykum Sister. Hope my messages find you all in good health and spirits! Recently my family and I have gone through a devastating loss of a pregnancy. It is now after 4 months that im getting back to my old self again and staying strong in my belief that Allah knows best. I struggled with my faith and health after losing the pregnancy and was wondering if any other sisters had such an experience and how they dealt with it? My husband wants to try for another child but I am so fearful that once I become pregnant I may lose it again and I feel as if i do not have the strength to go through it again. I feel as if this fear isbeginiing to affect my marriage.

by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 2:20 PM
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proud2bmom3 Group Owner
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 2:56 AM
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Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu dear sister. 

let me first start by saying how sorry I am for your loss.. ((((hugs))) I cannot even begin to imagine what you must have gone through, or what you are going through right now.. may Allah grant you strength and patience. 

carrying children to term, miscarrying, getting pregnant, being sterile, having boys, having girls, having healthy babies or having unhealthy babies, All comes from Allah. we have no control over it. and since it is only by the will of Allah, then we must trust in HIS wisdom and accept HIS  test or HIS  blessings. it is not your fault, or your husband's, nor should it affect your marriage negatively. 

“To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heaven and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills.

Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things.”

[al-Shoora 42:49-50]

Personally, I have not gone through a miscarriage, but three of my closest sisters have. the first sister lost her first baby, she was patient masha Allah and now she has four children. My second sister ( who is my childhood friend) had so many problems, she was only able to conceive through IVF. and even though she and her husband tried it so many times, it only took once.. she has one beautiful boy.. 

my third sister. who is my sister in law .. she has been married for over thirteen years. she has had over seven miscarriages, each different than the other .. subhana Allah. she and my brother have no children. but Masha Allah their marriage is so strong .. each loss brought them closer together. because it was a loss for both of them. they adore their nieces and nephews masha Allah, and it is such a joy to be around them.. 

look at the verse i posted on top.. once we believe that whatever comes to us is from Allah. then we feel content insha Allah. it does not take away from the pain. nor the sadness.. but it should add to our faith, not take away from it.  when Ibrahim ( son of prophet Muhammad peace be upon him) died , the prophet cried, and was in pain, but he was content with Allah's decree;

"The eyes send their tears and the heart is saddened, Indeed, O Ibrahim, we are bereaved by your departure from us."

there are so many stories of people who had been blessed with children after so long. but then again there are stories of those who had not been.. and we should always trust that there is a wisdom behind Allah's decree for us. 

so dont' be afraid... in Islam, we are told to do what is in our power, and put our trust in Allah. so, do what you can. if it succeeds, then alhamdullaah. if not, then alhamdulilaah also, for it is all from Allah, and you never know. HE may be sparing something harder, or your pain is sparing you something more difficult on the day of judgment.. no one knows.. but one should always submit to the will of Allah. 

the prophets peace be upon them had been tested in this area as well.. prophet Muhammad peace be upon him had four boys,, they all died very young.. Prophet Ibrahim was given his children very late in life... and let us not forget the story of Zakaraiya peace be upon him. in whose story we find the duas that help those who are looking to have children masha Allah.

“And (remember) Zakariya, when he cried to his Lord: ‘O my Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors.

So We answered his call, and We bestowed upon him Yahya, and cured his wife (to bear a child) for him. Verily, they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on Us with hope and fear, and used to humble themselves before Us.”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:89-90]

I will In Shaa Allah bump that post for you, but here is a link in the meantime.. click here.. 

if i speak in error then it is from me, may Allah forgive me and guide us all to what pleases HIM .ameen. 

((((hugs))))



Love and salaam (peace)

 (proud2bmom3 Muslim Moms-- Owner. 

GabrielleMufti
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:31 AM

Yes sister you are right and right now I am justtrying to focus on the blessing that I have in my daughter Marwa and will continue to pray so that inshallah she will have siblings.

indowifey
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:31 AM
Assalamu'alaikum sister. I'm very sorry for your loss. Inshaa'Allah Allah will grant your prayers for me children in the future.
I can't remember the exact hadith but I remember reading one that the miscarried infants drag their mother to Jannah by their umbilical cords...something along those lines of interceding on their behalf.
Inshaa'Allah you will find comfort in Allah. Trusting that He does not make mistakes and test us to Inshaa'Allah strengthen our imaan.
proud2bmom3 Group Owner
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 12:39 PM



Quoting indowifey:

Assalamu'alaikum sister. I'm very sorry for your loss. Inshaa'Allah Allah will grant your prayers for me children in the future.
I can't remember the exact hadith but I remember reading one that the miscarried infants drag their mother to Jannah by their umbilical cords...something along those lines of interceding on their behalf.
Inshaa'Allah you will find comfort in Allah. Trusting that He does not make mistakes and test us to Inshaa'Allah strengthen our imaan.


Wa alaikum assalaam dear sister.. 

not so sure about the umbilical cord... lol.. nor do they " drag' their parents.. the hadith describes how they lead them to Jannah if they were patient .. i will try to find the exact hadith and post it sometime tomorrow In Shaa Allah

Love and salaam (peace)

 (proud2bmom3 Muslim Moms-- Owner. 

indowifey
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 7:15 PM
Oh I'm not sure how strong the hadith is but this is the one I was referring too. I'm a convert so my knowledge is not strong...Inshaa'Allah Allah forgive me if I said something wrong. I just found this when my sister-in-law had 2-3 miscarriages in a row.

Muadh (Radhiallahu Anhu – May God be pleased with him) narrates from the Prophet  (peace be upon him) that ‘Muslims do not lose three children except that Allah will cause the two parents to enter Paradise through the favour of His mercy towards them.’ They said, ‘What about two, Oh Messenger of Allah’ He said, ‘Two also.’ They said, ‘And one?” He said, ‘Even the miscarried child will indeed drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise.



Quoting proud2bmom3:
Quoting indowifey:Assalamu'alaikum sister. I'm very sorry for your loss. Inshaa'Allah Allah will grant your prayers for me children in the future.
I can't remember the exact hadith but I remember reading one that the miscarried infants drag their mother to Jannah by their umbilical cords...something along those lines of interceding on their behalf.
Inshaa'Allah you will find comfort in Allah. Trusting that He does not make mistakes and test us to Inshaa'Allah strengthen our imaan.

Wa alaikum assalaam dear sister.. not so sure about the umbilical cord... lol.. nor do they " drag' their parents.. the hadith describes how they lead them to Jannah if they were patient .. i will try to find the exact hadith and post it sometime tomorrow In Shaa Allah. 
Jadamay
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Salam Alaikum,

First I would like to say I am very sorry for your loss. When I first got married like nine years ago, I had a miscarriage, I was in my 3rd month of pregnancy and it was the worst feeling and I feel your pain sister. I felt like something was missing in my life and felt incomplete. This is just me, but I wanted to get pregnant again soooo bad, I can't explain the feeling. AlhamduAllah I got pregnant again a few months later and now am blessed with two healthy girls, 5 and 7.
After my second, I wanted a break to have more and now I have been trying for a year now and it's hasn't happened. So I mean only Allah swt knows best! And I know many sisters with the similar examples as sister Proud has mentioned. I hope that helps.
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