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divorce has 2 kids aged 8 and 4yrs

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 4:02 AM
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I moved out of my marital home after 14 yaers of marriage. tried everything in past 4 years to work out the problems. I can't go into the details of why I moved out just now, but I have now filed for Khula, and divorce via the courts. My parents after so many years of trying support this move. They are very supportive and helping me in every way. But I can't help feeling a whole aray of emotions. I feel relief being away from the relationship. I feel guilty as I has moved the kids away from their dad, Mumm 4 year old misses him soo. I feel sad as I feel like I have had to give up on a dream that on day every thing will be ok. I want the divorce to be final asap, but ofcource it takes time. Since moving out he has not contacted the kids or me. I am supporting and caring for them with the help of my parents.

Please dont judge me for being the one to initiate the divorce, I jusyt could not continue in a relationship that made me feel small, worthless and was teaching my boys to direspect myself and oithers.

Is it normal to think of this issue every minute of every day? i/m continuing to work and look after my kids. but feel very emotional. I've not spoke to my parents, as they worry incase i/m having second thoughts.

by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 4:02 AM
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by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 8:37 AM

walekum assalam  sister,

I am very sorry of what you have gone through. I to am a single mother but to 6 children. I was married for 14 yrs before I found Islam.  Even after leaving him things did not get easier on me. My children are very cruel to me. He makes it very hard for me to teach my children to accept Islam. So we have same but different type lives.

Sometimes we make so many sacrifices for our family that we forget about ourselves. But don't despair sister. For you are a Muslimah and Allah Subhana Wa Tala is always with you. I had others sisters say to me that Allah tests ourselves for patience and faith.

There was a random video that I found the other day when I almost felt I was losing myself. After watching this it made me really cry and then gave me much courage to face the things I was facing in my life.

Remember this is a test for you..

                                                        SaRab Proud Servant to Allah,
                                              Mother to 6 Beautiful Children *alhamdulillah*

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keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy
mankind." (Muslims & Bukhari)

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by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:29 PM

May Allah help you, and protect you and your family.

by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:52 PM

Wa'laikum as'salaam Sister. Don't feel judged or bad for initiating a divorce. You made a healthy step after trying to make it work if it wasn't a good home for you and your kids. That's what matters. I'm sorry he's not even contacting the kids or trying to work through this with you. he should still take responsibility especially for his kids sake!

It IS normal to feel that way. Freedom, relief/sadness, guilt. I separated & divorced first husband when my oldest dd was just a baby. I remember  I was depressed. Even though life with ex-dh (who was not Muslim or even spiritual) was really bad, I still felt guilty and horrible for 'breaking up our marriage.' At least, at the time he had me half convinced I was breaking it up. In reality, he broke up the marriage, by his choices, which then led to my leaving and our divorce. Thinking about it in those terms may help you too. remind yourself why u made this choice. as a last resort for the health of all.

The hardest for me was when DD cried for her dad, at night :( ex-dh was making crazy demands about visitation, custody, calling me. I was struggling to make it as a single mom. It was a total nightmare. at the same time escaping the marriage was a blessing from Allah swt. this time seems hard but BE STRONG. It's temporary. Life moves on alhamdulilah. Remember Allah swt, make dua, trust in Allah swt to make this easy for you and give you a wonderful future, in sha Allah. It's been 7 yrs since I left. I'm remarried, we have another DD she's 4. My ex-dh is on friendly terms with me and my dh. DD is 8, healthy and happy. u can see her smiley face by my name maybe lol. I say this to let u know, with time and effort even your kids can bounce back from this hard time in sha Allah. Ex-dh still lives a haram life but it's no longer MY life. May Allah swt guide you, protect you and give you all you need Ameen (hugs)

by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 4:45 PM

I am sorry you are struggling friend. Be assued that you are loved and doing a good a job raising your kids. Be encouraged that your parents are loving and supporting.

muslimahpj Group Admin
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 6:39 PM

Walaikum salaams  Sister

No one has any reason to judge you. You tried, now you need to do what is best for you and your kids.

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