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Question regarding young children during Jum"ah

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:10 PM
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As Salamo Alaikom Sisters,

I have a question regarding young children in the masjiid during Jum'ah prayer.  My ds & I don't make it there very often at all.  I work every friday and we live kind of far, but my dh attends every friday. 

I had a friday off a few weeks ago and decided to attend with dh.  I didn't know anybody & chose to keep ds with me.  He will be 3 yrs in 2 weeks.  We entered and I didn't know I was to do any rakahs before sitting.  I just sat.  It was dark so I couldn't really see much. 

At first ds was very good and sat on my lap.  Then he sat besides me & started to pray on his own and he was behaving.  ALL the other kids (about 5-6 or so) were sooooo good and sat down and listened to their mothers.  Not Mine!!  After a little bit he warmed up and started talking to the other kids but they wouldn't talk back so he started running around.  I tried to ignore him at first cuz, you know, sometime kids do things just to get a rise out of you.  So then he went into the entrance where you take off your shoes and started playing there alone, but was a little noisy.  After a bit I went there and tried to listen and keep control of my son and sat on a bench with him.  When I thought he was calmed down I went back in & he sat there for a minute then went back into the entrance.  After a bit he started yelling & jumping & being a big distraction.  I was soooo embarassed.  Again, it was so dark I couldn't see the sisters reactions, but I'm pretty sure they were starring at me & thinking get control of your kid.  He wouldn't listen to me so I ended up going out to the car and waiting for dh. 

I put him in time out & explained to him why we left and that I was disappointed & why.  He prays with us at home and is just fine.  He walks around a little but he prays with us.  I know he's young, but the other kids were so good.  I know he will get use to it, but I'm so embarassed to take him back.  DH said next time he can sit downstairs with him.  That relieves me a little, but still, I am so embarassed to attend cuz of the way he acted last time, and how I left before prayer actually began (during kutbah), and I don't know proper mosque etiquette. 

Please Sisters, help me.  I want to attend, but I'm shy & nervous.  Being away from dh around fellow Muslims is so nerveracking and I don't know what to do.  And with ds, ugh, what should I do? 

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:10 PM
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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:31 PM

Don't be too hard on yourself.  If you saw my son at masjids you would think yours was well behaved!!! LOL  I also don't go every Friday but every time I get a chance I do try to make it for Jummah.  There is a curtain to separate the men's section and my son loves curtains!  He runs back and forth and laughs and drives me nuts! lol

I'm sure the sisters were not thinking badly of you.  All of us mothers know how hard toddlers can be.  When they are 6-7 their attention span is longer and can sit still.  You simply cannot expect a 3 year old to sit still for that long! 

For us converts and new to Islam going to Jummah when you can is a good way to interact with muslim sisters and learn.  So I would encourage you to go back and not too worry so much about your son.  If your husband is willing to take him by all means LET HIM, that way you will be able to focus on the Khudba and can take a break which we mothers need so badly!  My husband was always too embarrassed to take our son so I get stuck with him all the time! lol  As your son gets used to the environment of the masjid he might clam down, young children often get too excited of new environments.  

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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 5:27 PM

assalamu alaikum sister

first let me say,, I love your new picture. hijab is so beautiful on you masha' Allah.

don't be embarrassed to go back. as sister fierarty said, we are all mothers. and yes, if hubby wants to take him .. let him.  your boy will get used to the masjid eventually. you did the right thing. once the child becomes too disruptive. just take him to the car. 

dont' feel bad. they learn.. masha 'Allah.

great to hear from you .

Love and salaam (peace)

 (proud2bmom3 Muslim Moms-- Owner. 

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 6:46 PM

Alaykum Salam Sis,

I know EXACTLY what ur goin thru lol! I have a 6yr & 4yr old boys & back when I actually used to go to Jumah they drove me crazy every single time i went.  & sure enough they were the only ones screaming & running around, literally crashing into men & women while they were in the middle of prayer.  after several months of trying pretty much everything, I started staying home with them & just letting my husband go alone.  Every now & then he takes my 6 yr old, but my 4 yr old has quite a few behavior problems, so he hasn't taken him back yet.  My suggestion is if you really want to go try ur hardest to inform them of the importance of respecting the masjid, but don't ever be too hard on urself cuz kids r kids, they're gonna be hyper like that, especially lil boys lol.  One time my husband went with my 6 yr old when he was 3 & got kicked out of a masjid during prayer cuz of the noise my son was making, my husband hasn't gone back to that masjid since, cuz it's so wrong for them to do that to a parent ... to single u out & embarrass u in front of everybody.  kids r kids, there's only so much we can do.  Make sure u finda masjid that respects ur situation as a mother.  I do understand others views and wishes for peace lol so for that sake I personally have avoided going to Jumah until my kids can behave normally.  Then again if it's like u never go then how can they ever get used to it... ??? I dunno i think i'll prolly try to start going once or twice a month insha Allah. 

Good luck with ur son, i'm sure you'll figure out a system that works for u & the lil guy insha Allah :-)

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by on Jan. 22, 2009 at 3:36 PM

Alaykum Salam,

I had tried to go to the mosque a few times with my son and it just not work out. It was hard for me, he bothered other people trying to pray astagfurAllah. The mosque is for others to pray to Allah so that's why a lot of women just pray at home and that is why Allah allowed this for us, alhumdullah.

"I know that you love to say your prayer with me.  However, the prayer you offer in your residence is more excellent than that you offer in your people’s mosque.  And your prayer in your people’s mosque is better for you than you prayer in the (lager) congregational mosque."  (Abu Dawud; Musnad of Imaam Ahmad; & At-Tabarani)

Nonetheless, the Prophet (SAW) still instructed her that her Salat at her home was better for her.  Allah (SWT) says in His Book:

"...Would you exchange that which is better for that which is lower?..." (Al-Baqarah 2:61)

Here in KSA women do not even attend the mosque, they do not even have sections for women here. Back in the states when we would go in Ramadan I would give my son to my dh because he acts a lot better with him then with me, maybe that would work for you as well.

As far as what anyone else thinks do not worry about that. They were probably just worried about the noise but only Allah can judge and he knows our intentions alhumdullah.

If you ever have any questions feel free to ask us in here. About the 2 rukus we give those anytime we enter a mosque just to give thanks to Allah. We also enter with our right foot and say bismillah when we enter. Easy things that we all had to learn from someone so do not feel you can never ask anything with us all.

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