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Help on being a "good" muslim mommy and wife!!

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:00 AM
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Hi!

My name is heather (yasmina) and i am an american woman who converted to islam after meeting my now husband!

I am very happy with the path i have chosen, and have so much love and respect for my new family in morocco!

However, i find alot of aspects of my husbands culture difficult and alot of double standards, especially being from such a "take care of yourself" culture/society!

There are many things I want to learn and know, but do not want to bother my husband too much!

He works two jobs and i stay at home with our son and run a daycare...we are both soooo busy and tired at the end of the day....we just want to relax! But neither of us is truly following our religion now and i f....i fear we are setting a bad example for our son!

Also, I desperatly want another child! I have been trying to convince my husband for 2 years now, and he keeps saying no! Not yet...he will not give me an answer if even he wants another. I was very clear before we married that i wanted 3-4.

I understand finances are a big issue, but my age is a big issue as well! I am 33 this year and i do not want to have children much past 35. I had a difficult pregnancy with my first and i dont want to push it medically! My husband is only 28, so he doesnot understand the "rush" to have more!

Any suggestions mommies/wives??

Also...i live in the myrtle beach south carolina area and would love to meet up with some mommies!

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:00 AM
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Replies (1-3):
firaerty
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:19 AM

Assalam walaikum sister and welcome.   I understand your issues with a busy lifestly, I am in medical school myself and I often wonder where the day went... so many things to do... however faith is important, especially praying on time every day.  As for having more children in our region we are not allowed to limit the number of children we have due to finacial problems so please try to explain kindly to your husband that you had agreed on having more children and that Allah will provide the necessary finaces for every child so he doesn not need to worry that you may not be able to afford another child.

Muslim Converts Speak - Group Admin. 
http://www.cafemom.com/group/muslimconverts

Children with Special Needs - Group Admin.
http://www.cafemom.com/group/hollywoodspecialneeds
 

practicingislam
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:39 AM

wa'alaykum asalam sister first off Congradulations of your shahada mash'Allah i am a shahada myself many years ago and truly its the best gift Allah could give someone.

Iman (deen) comes in stages but the key is to always be open to changing oneself for the sake of Allah alone, and continue to ask Allah for guidance and protection, as sister fiarty said prayer is the key to success one must for Allah alone be sincere, there are some great links i have on Servants of Allah   group   how to pray , the words in arabic and english, with movements etc...,, also i sticky posted Why dont you pray 5xs a day as well its a great lecture why prayer is so important and why one should strive for Allah to pray....

Now onto your fear, what is holding you back i say this because it is shaytan who keeps making you question , sister take each prayer one by one until you get a sense of being better on your prayers, if you look at the negative"well i havent prayed Allah may not forgive me " then you have let shaytan overtake your fear, yes prayer is so heavily weighted but at the same time Allah tells us over and over he is most merciful , the main key is stop making excuses and pray......

Now that say yes Allah does instill in us to be the teachers of our children so yes we are responsible for their upbrining, i dont know how old your son is, but its very important even from a early age to instill islam in them and you are their example, so if they see mommie and daddie dont have the respect for Allah and themselves how will they they have respect , now I dont mean this in a mean way at all i mean it only as a reflection.

But insh'Allah when you both get back on your Iman (deen) do it for Allah and yourselves because of your love for Allah.....

As for another pregnancy Make du'a (prayer) to Allah for the best , maybe your hubby isnt ready right now, but please keep in mind islamically he is the provider from Allah for your family and maybe he is not ready right now, and he is accountable for this as well.....So just try to ease your heart and know everything is from Allah the Qadr and if it will be it will and if not it wont its up to Allah.

Last, i must say i so understand about double standard in the culture but PLEASE REMEMBER it is culture alot of times and not islam, try to strengthen your knowledge for Allah alone read the Quran and Sunnah (Haddiths)  i also posted that on Servants of Allah   group on sticky posts

the more knowledge you have the better you'll be for yourself and your family insh'Allah , it is sad but it is common to see some muslims calling things that are cultural Islam,  we have to be very careful to distinguish the two, and by seeking more knowledge insh'Allah that will help....

Hope this helps

 

proud2bmom3 Group Owner
by on Aug. 1, 2009 at 11:20 AM

Walaikum assalaam dear sister,

and welcome to the wonderful fold of Islam. Masha' Allah

I am so happy that you recognize that the difficulties arise from cultural practices and not from the faith.  it is very sad how people's actions seem to tarnish the faith and the practice of it, giving the wrong idea about Islam.  alhamdulilaah that you see the difference.

there is nothing much you can do about cultural practices. except to educate yourself about the reality of the religious stance and try to live your life according to Islam and not culture. you can try reminding your husband or those around you with the Islamic ruling on  such practices. however, for now. if I were you, I would focus more on making my own faith strong insha' Allah.

the sisters are correct. daily prayer is the most important thing you need to focus on doing. and reminding your husband to do as well. it does not matter how busy your day is, you have to make time for the Salaat. it is the most important thing and the one thing that sets us apart from the Kuffaar.

I want to also add that if your husband is too busy to teach you, please feel free to come here with your questions. NON of us are scholars, but we can provide answers from Scholars insha Allah.

as for having children. it should be a mutual decision. no spouse has the right to deprive the other from having children. and it is haram to stop having children because of fear of poverty. or financial reasons. if you would like a fatwa with the verses from the Quran for that effect to show your husband please let me know.

dont' be afraid my dear sister. before you worry about setting a good role model for your child. you need to make sure that you are living your life in a way that pleases Allah for your own sake.  and fear is always a product of not knowing. and with knowledge comes power insha 'Allah. and you will find that the more you educate yourself about your faith. and the more regular you become with your worships. things will become easier insha 'Allah and your heart will be more at peace insha 'Allah

may Allah fill your heart with the light comfort, ease, and knowledge of islam. and may HE soften your husband's heart. Ameen.

if I speak in error then it is from me. may Allah forgive me and guide us all to what pleases  HIM . ameen.

I leave you in the trusted care of Allah.

Love and salaam (peace)

 (proud2bmom3 Muslim Moms-- Owner. 

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