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sisters i need some help!!

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 9:21 PM
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 As salamu alaikum sisters may Allah bless u and your families and guide right all your affairs. me and my husband have been muslim since january and im very Thankful to ALLAH for guiding us to the right path and i love our religion it is beautiful and i have never seen anything like it! im having issues in my marriage because i get the feeling that my husband isnt taking the religion seriously and it brings me down and it hasnt been good for my deen either i dont have a sisterhood where i am and neither does he and im am the type of person that needs some support i have sat down and talkd to my husband about the issues that we have in our relationship and how we are falling off of our deen and its like it goes in one ear and out the other. please dont get me wrong but he is a good man and of course he has flaws but he doesnt seem to want to change them and im at an ends and i dont know what to do we have been togther for 6 years and married for 4 and i love him dearly but i want the type of muslim husband that when i slip up he notices and keeps me on track and not just act as if its not that big of a deal. I study and will ask him to study or try to set up a regular study routine and he ignores it. he plays a playstation2 and treats that like its more important than our deen i just need some advice or if u have been through the same experience and found something to help im just completely lost

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 9:21 PM
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Replies (1-3):
practicingislam
by on Aug. 29, 2009 at 1:26 AM

wa'alaykum asalam dear sister mash'Allah this is such great news that Allah has blessed you and ur hubby with his amazing mercy.

I understand what you are saying and how you feel, but i have sincere advise and in no way do i judge at all, because what u bring up is very valid.

In islam half of our deen is marriage and we are each others rocks, when one falls the other should be there to help pick up.

Heres what i've learned that insh'Allah will put some ease in your heart for Allahs sake only.

First let me say in no way do i give him any excuses but there are things myself that bring me to this point

In islam Allah guides whom he will and whom he wont, when Allah blesses by his mercy alone our shahada , there are some who are full fledged willing to change and then there are those who are so so here and there , Allah knows best our intentions in our hearts, but im not giving excuses but each muslim receives things in stages.   For example salat, one muslim may immediately start that form of worship with ease, and then there maybe others who are building up and struggling to change their lives but still in transition (only a example salat is one of the upmost important forms of worship to Allah ) .......so maybe your hubby is in another stage in his deen there are things he just doesnt see yet that are so important but you do, and that is a great thing for you that Allah blessed u to remove that film from your heart so that u understand....

The best thing i can suggest remember we all get things in diffierent stages, and make du'a that Allah will open his heart to understanding.....A huge thing that insh'Allah will help Pray as much as you can together make it a habit to say to him that with him being the man of the home will he please lead you in salat that you would feel much more happier..... Allah willing hopefully he will and does.

Also if theres a local mosque near you try to go together during family nights and ramadan  etc....these things are great resources to build your marriage together..

and lastly some men not all dont like when women in our ways tell them they are doing something wrong so yes its our duty, but one way maybe insh'Allah it can help ask some of our knowledgeable sisters or seek from knowledgeable islam sources for Lectures or writings that something he's lacking in and bring it up to him you learned something and you think it'll be great if he would watch or listen , email him or bring him a printed article whatever it maybe, so he doesnt feel you are directly telling him hes wrong, sometimes its hard for us to swallow our pride and admit when someone who truly cares for us for the sake of Allah to say ok your right, its sad but we have to pray that Allah will protect us from this.....so maybe try this way so he doesnt take it negative but positive and he wont know u are meaning it for him.

I hope this helps......also dont give up, sometimes our spouses are our tests and who knows why Allah put you both together , but we are each others stone......

 

p.s., regarding the playstation thing, there are some haddiths  that you can im sure find that remind us about wasting our time, maybe u can bring it up when hes not noticing it and say guess what i learned from a really great haddith and you can cite it insh'Allah, but remember do it softly so he doesnt get offended but insh'Allah Allah will open his heart to change for the sake of Allah alone......

p.s.s., theres a great group Treat him like the king he is       sister maisah started a while back it doesnt move very much but mash'Allah alot of great information.........

MisMecca
by on Aug. 29, 2009 at 6:30 AM

AS Salamu Ailakum Sister, Hope all is well with you and the family. The Sister who Rely to you is on point! Alhamduliah, I hope Her advice has help you and your husband a great deal.I hope you and your family have a wonderful Ramadan.Ramadan Mubarak. Mecca

proud2bmom3 Group Owner
by on Aug. 30, 2009 at 10:46 AM

assalamu alaikum sister,

again welcome to the fold of Islam.. Masha' Allah.

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your husband. it is a tough situation. sister practicingislam's advice is a good one. masha' Allah. what you need to do is make more dua for your husbands sake.  Men don't like to be told what to do, nor that what they are doing is wrong. especially not by their wives. they kind of shut down, and insist on what they are doing even more. call it male chauvinistic pride. call it primal..call it what you will, I just call it wrong. But for many men. it is the truth.

with such men, all you could do is try to approach it passively. since talking to him did not do anything. for example.  you study in front of him. even if you read something while he is out, when he comes home. sit down and read it again. and then tell him : did you know that ...so , and so. (whichever information you find interesting about Islam) may be by that he will realize that you are becoming more knowledgeable in the faith, and may be he will be embarrassed into doing it.  it will take time a patience on your part. just dont' be judgemental. or condescending. because that type of men responds negatively to all that.

make constant dua' for him. and for your self.  and keep your self on the path of Islam by doing the most basic things. like praying on time, and reading Quran.. and insha' Allah if your husband sees you so dedicated, he will remember what bruaght him into the faith in the first place and insha' Allah join you.

and lastly sister, I hope you know that you have many sisters on here who love you for the sake of Allah, who would offer you support, and answers insha' Allah should you be looking for some. or just be here for you if you want to talk.

stay strong my sister. this is the most blessed month, when deeds are multiplied. and prayers are answered insha' Allah .. may Allah answer your prayers. may He open your husband's heart. may He make easy on you what is good for you. and may this month be a mercy and a blessing upon you and yours.

if I speak in error then it is from me , may Allah forgive me and guide us all to what pleases Him, Ameen.

may we be amonth those redeemed during this blessed month. and may this month be  a blessing on all of you and all of yours.

Fee Aman Allah.

Love and salaam (peace)

 (proud2bmom3 Muslim Moms-- Owner. 

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